9th unsuccessful month

[Got2besoon]

Well, the stark white FRER staring back at me has confirmed that month 9 was not the month. Or month 15 if I start counting from when we first started TTC again (I did fall pregnant at the start of the year but had a MMC).

I'm finding this so hard, but then feeling guilty for feeling this way as I have a 4 year old and know there are many struggling to conceive who do not have any children; and have been doing so for much longer than this.

Every month I get my hopes up so high only for them to come crashing down and I feel pathetic for getting so excited.

Today would have been the due date of the baby I miscarried so it all just feels extra crushing and overwhelming. I had hoped so badly to be pregnant by this point.

I feel like I've tried it all: Supplements (sooo many supplements), healthy diet, exercise, no alcohol, no caffeine, SMEP, pre-seed, Fertilily, Clear Blue ovulation monitor....

I know people suggest to 'just relax and it will happen' but

1. I'm not the kind of person who can really do this and
2. My DH and I aren't very sexual people so could easily go weeks (or months!) without DTD, meaning this option doesn't seem sensible.

I don't even know what I want from this post. Maybe success stories? Solidarity? Or that one tip that will finally get me pregnant?!

I'm just feeling alone and depressed and normally I'm a happy go lucky person. TTC is breaking me :(

No success story from me but total solidarity.

We have been trying for 2 years and have had 6 losses so different to your situation but I get the frustration.

I wish we could just live life as normal without all the testing but like you we can go weeks without sex so we have a lot of forced TTC sex. Everytime I get pregnant we feel relieved we can go back to doing it when we want then a few weeks later it's back on the TTC train.

You aren't alone, the only advice I can give is that if you are over 35 you can seek advice/help on TTC, if you are under 35 then "only" 3 more cycles to go before you can start getting help. (I'm not 100% sure but I heard that a MC doesn't reset the clock so you may be able to get help now).

Have you tried BBT?

Hey @KatySp and thank so much for taking the time to reply.
I'm so sorry to hear your story, and for your losses

I'm not quite 35 yet and, honestly, the thought of going for testing kind of terrifies me. It's like admitting something is wrong when I really don't want there to be. I won't have my head in the sand though; planning on heading straight for the GP on month 12.

That's interesting about the MC 'not re-setting the clock', so if I feel more desperate next month, I may just contact the GP to check. I guess it won't harm getting the ball rolling.

I did BBT for 2 cycles but didn't really get on with it. I'm on holidays this next month so probably won't, as I want to try and relax a bit. I'll do it for cycle 11 if I still haven't caught.

It's funny, every month I think 'if I just do this it has to work'. If only it worked that way...

@Got2besoon hi op.

I understand your frustration. It’s maddening the whole process.

i also have a 4 year old. Altho she was 3 when we started. Took me 11 cycles to fall and then I had a mc at 9 weeks. Then fell straight away with a chemical. An am now pregnant from cycle 3 since chemical.

i think it took me so long originally so 11 cycles due to various things.

you seem to have tried a lot but below is what I think had made a diff for me eventually falling and then it being much quicker after.

taking high dose vitamin D spray.
taking 1000mg of omega 3s
taking larginine to improve blood flow in pelvis area

and using the fertilily. I see you said you’ve tried it. How long have you been using it? An are you placing it up far enough right over your cervix? I was using it wrong for 2 cycles and first cycle I used it right cycle 11 bam. Pregnant.

I then used it after again and fell. But obv was chemical. I knew that not every month the egg can be good but cycle 3 it worked again as the other two months I presume the eggs were just not of good enough quality. But I’m certain it helped to ensure the sperm got there.

if you’ve only used it a few months just keep going with it I think

good luck xx

Thanks @Indianna2006 and a big congratulations on your pregnancy!

I've only tried the Fertilily this last month so will definitely give it another whirl. I'm pretty sure I got it in far enough; it took a while to get back out each time😂

I've been taking Starflower (omega 6) but not Omega 3s ; do you know if there is reason to swap?

@Got2besoon yes deffo keep using it! As I’m certain it’s what helped me.

i think omega 3 is just good for fertility. An was a study where women taking it were 1.5 times more likely to conceive. So I started taking it 🙂

The month I fell DH had drastically cut alcohol and taken his wellman supplements more religiously. Not sure if that helped or not. I also didn’t use OPKs that month as I think they were adding too much pressure on certain days and we just DTD every other day from CD9 ish to CD 18 ish. May have been none of those things that helped but maybe worth a try. Good luck

@Indianna2006 Alright, I've dug some omega 3s out from the back of the medicine cabinet

@Pheeba Thank you! I'm ditching the ovulation strips this month because I always ovulate day 13 or 14 anyway so they don't add anything (except stress!)

Hopefully this is the magic formula

Bless you, sorry you are feeling this way ☹️ I sort of know how you feel, although I've not been pregnant yet or had a miscarriage but I too am counting the months. I have been off the pill for 11 months now and can't believe we're still TTC. We've been married a year now and I always imagined we would have a newborn on our first wedding anniversary or atleast be pregnant but I've realised now it's not always plain sailing. We're making sure we enjoy ourselves each month and do the things we wouldn't be able to do if I were pregnant or we had a baby and trying to keep positive and enjoy the (hopefully) last few months of being able to do these things

@shellybon You are so right, I really need to be enjoying this time more; Lord knows when we do eventually have our babies, we'll be exhausted and craving some down time!
I am feeling better about it all today. Some days are worse than others and I flip flop between despair and calm.
There are definitely days I just want to fast forward to being pregnant, but that time shall come ❤

looking back I had an easy time conceiving our little boy but at the time it is so all-consuming that it felt so awful. I remember sitting in the kitchen crying while eating pasta for dinner one night because I’d just got my period. Even though I’d had negative tests every day I always just hoped it was too early, my period confirmed that wasn’t the case 🙄 It was only a few month in to trying but I just felt like I had thrown the kitchen sink at it that month and it was sooo hard to bring myself back up out of that dark hole to dust myself off and try again.

this is what I think of whenever anyone is struggling to conceive. I’m totally with you on the ‘not sexual’ thing. It was a total chore for us when we did the SMEP method! I think we’re both still a bit scarred from how much we did it 😬 It’s so not fun! It’s almost annoying that some people don’t try and just have a few wines at dinner one night and boom, they’re pregnant 😂 I can’t really see anything extra that isn’t on your list that I can think of. We used a lot of pre-seed as I figured I’d used a lot less than the amount it suggests (it suggests A LOT) 😐. Sounds ridiculously obvious too but we just did it non-stop around ovulation day and kept going until 2dpo. I think the successful time was actually in the morning on the day of ovulation.

we’re planning to try again soon (and not try so hard this time). I’m starting the ovulation tests just now to establish when I’m ovulating etc just to get an idea when would be best to try but it’s such a slippery slope before you’re back in, peeing into cups to test it every 15 seconds 😩 hope this is your month!

@Allgoodthings1 Interesting you say about going until 2dpo. I know in theory the egg only lives 12-24 hours so we usually stop DTD on O day but it won't hurt to try again once or twice after, especially in case my ov strips aren't 100% accurate.

I was obsessed from cycle 1 so I totally get it; my first took 4 months to conceive and in that time I had made my DH take an online sperm test and was looking into fertility tests for myself😂 Seems crazy now but the TWW does things to a woman.

Definitely keep going for a day or 2 after ovulation day. I think that’s what worked for us. Especially since OPKs tell you your peak surge not ovulation. Unless you’re BBT taking too -we didn’t. Think we did day of surge, day after and 2 days after that

Solidarity here OP as I could have almost written this myself.

I have a 3 year old DS who was unplanned but wonderful surprise. Then got pregnant again easily in January (this time planned) but that ended in miscarriage. Like you I know I'm lucky as I have one and in reality it's still early days for me however the BFN is still heartbreaking.

I'm currently on my fifth cycle trying and also trying (nearly) every trick in the book, clearblue monitor, pre-conception vits, healthy diet and exercise. I'm trying preseed this month as recommended by lots of people on here. I''ve not done temping or the fertilily as I'm already throwing a lot at it. Plus I keep telling myself we literally did none of this when we had DS!

We're not particularly sexual and both DH and I are often not in the mood after looking after 3 year old and work. I managed to pin him down Sunday morning though while DS was occupied with TV but we can usually only do evenings after work.

If it doesn't happen this month I'm also considering going for tests especially as I'm 40 in two months.

@Got2besoon definitely! I think sometimes more so when it’s your first as you have no idea if you’re able to have a child or not. It’s obviously a huge relief that you are but then so many people seem to have issues the second time round. I think going until 2dpo is probably more to cover for ovulation being late than anything else but I felt like if I’d put that much ‘effort’ in to the rest of the fertile window I certainly wasn’t missing a chance at 1 and 2dpo 😂 something worked anyway

@Indianna2006 i wanted to ask about the fertilily how did u know u weren’t using it right ?
I used it this cycle to no avail? But how do u know if it’s right ? 😂😂😂 x

@NSx I knew because I realised afterwards how much further it could go up. And so it wasn’t covering my cervix. The idea of the pool of sperm is pushed so high up in the device that your cervix is sitting inside the pool of sperm. Allowing the sperm to freely swim through easily.

At least half of the end of the stitch was poking out before. Whereas when it was I the correct place. It basically didn’t stick out at all. The little ball was like in line with the entrance to my vag. So if that’s how far yours want I presume your doing it right 😊

keep going with it tho. Took me 3 cycles this time for it to work. As even if sperm get there. Note that egg will be good enough or implant. So keep at it