IVF - honestly, how bad is it?

[Neverfullycharged]

After a few months of no success, I’m now thinking about next steps. I am still having regular periods and ovulating at more or less the same time every month. However, I am 42, so of course that’s in our way.

Honestly, how bad is IVF? I realise I’ll need to contact a fertility centre but I just want to get some ideas here first about the process, how long it takes, pain …

My DS1 was the result of IVF. The worst part for my was the waiting - waiting for a letter, waiting for an appointment date, waiting for that date to come....
I was lucky that the drugs didn't have any side effects for me so I felt fine doing it. I treated it all very methodically and just did what I had to do at the time I had to do it.
I had a lovely boss who was very supportive and having had ivf herself, knew what it entailed so she just said to take all the time I needed for appointments and work would still be there whenever I got there so that was helpful.

For me it was early mornings to get to the hospital for bloods and scans every other day but it was the day in between that I felt tired so made sure I didn't do too much.

My coping mechanism was to do everything "by the book". The nurses said to do my injections around the same time every day so I made sure it was exactly the same time every day, using the same watch to go by. But that was just one of my little quirks.

Didn't love the pessaries but just did them because I had to. They were more hassle than the jabs themselves.

Staff team at clinic were amazing and I still take DS in to see them from time to time.

Thanks - this is a concern as my work isn’t flexible in the slightest.

The worst bit is that it doesn't work most of the time. The odds are shit.

It's heartbreaking, painful, incredibly invasive, not to mention the extortionate cost of you're paying privately. And in most cases, it's for nothing.

People only really talk about their experiences if they have success, so that skews the perception of the success rates.

I agree with this. Have you looked up the success rates.

Not trying to be a downer but my sister spent absolutely thousands, at 40 years old and it never worked. She was exhausted and spent all her savings in the end. She was very messed up for years. Don't underestimate the physical and mental toll it can have.

Do you have any children already?

Everyone’s journey seems to be different but the anxiety and heartache can be incredibly dark. if you go ahead then be prepared for that. You’re going to need mental resilience like you never thought you would. Only go with a clinic that offers counselling.

OP I started IVF at 42, now 44 and down to my last embryo with no success yet. I had no issue with the appointments, the drugs, injecting myself, putting on weight or how much it’s cost (a lot!), but I’ve had 4 miscarriages and one failure to implant, so the emotional toll has been heavy. The biggest question I had to ask myself was whether it was worth going through all of that to have my own child, and the answer was yes, but if it didn’t work then I’d at least know that I tried and I’d be ok with that.

I do need to hear these things, so being aware of the odds is necessary.

I have one child, conceived when I was 39, born when I was 40.

I don’t really want counselling through it to be honest - I deal with things better alone.

I’m so sorry to hear your stories

Reading with interest...

I'm 37 and about to go through IVF for the first time and am shitting it to be blunt.

The way I see it @Neverfullycharged is that everything is worth a shot. At least then you can say you tried x

@bathbombaholic mostly it’s really not that bad - you very quickly get used to things like the injections and people/scan wands up your nether regions! Just make sure you have an emotional support network, whether that’s family, friends or a trusted colleague at work, whatever suits you. Best of luck!

I found it ok. Just a faff to remember injections and medicines. The main issue was the cost. Our timeline shifted a little bit as I had to extend stimulation to get enough follicles but otherwise I had provisional dates for all the main bits so could book the week off work in advance. It felt overwhelming from the outset but once I was 'in' it, it was all quite straightforward and sequential. I just took it one step at a time. I was very lucky though to only get one embryo and for this to result in a pregnancy. I'd had a lot of cycles of IUI before that though so it wasn't a smooth ride from the start.

Ours was a breeze

3 months from initial consultation to egg collection (private though not through the NHS which can drag things out)

19 eggs collected, 16 fertilised, 9 ready to go on day 5. Successful transfers each time too (1st fresh transfer and second 2 were frozen)

I'm the biggest wimp but found the injections so easy to do (froze the injection site before for 5 mins)

And didn't have any side effects from the medication either (despite having low AMH so higher dosages too)

My husband was shocked as was prepared to have a demon wife on his hands and I was actually a calmer version of me throughout.

I was 28 though when going through the process so not sure if it gets harder with age

Not sure why the number nineteen turned into a bullet point on that comment

I started IUI/IVF at 40, and finally had lovely twins at 47.

Physically, I found the process fine. I quickly got used to the scans and injections.
Mentally it was very difficult - unless it works first time, it is a rollercoaster of hope and despair when it doesn't work. And there's no guarantee that it will ever work. Logistics were stressful - I had treatment in three countries. I had two miscarriages (one second trimester) but couldn't take a day off work, since I needed my holidays for the next IVF.

You have a child, so you're not entering IVF faced with the potential pain of not being a mother, which may alleviate some of the stress.
I'd also look into donor eggs. You may not need them, but could start thinking is it something you'd consider.
Best of luck!

It’s a marathon. I found the medical
side fine, no problem injecting myself etc. but after 2 failed rounds that took the best part of over a year it was tough mentally at the end. I didn’t have success unfortunately, coming to terms with not being able to have a 2nd baby (age against my side), that is way harder than going through IVF.

Good luck with it OP, just be patient, try to be calm and be very kind to yourself.

My attitude going into it was to do what I could then if it didn't work, and I was fully aware of the odds, I couldn't look back and say "what if I'd...."

Everyone deals with it all in their own way, just make sure you're looking after yourself.

My FET a few years later ended in MC sadly and then a health problem within 12m of that (which could have been caused by my ivf drugs) resulted in me needing surgery and I decided at that point that my son needed me alive more than I needed another baby so I decided to donate the remaining 2 embryos to the hospital so they could be offered to a couple who might not have the chance to try otherwise.

I do believe it's worth a shot as long as you go into it with knowledge and you're prepared to hurt for a time if it's not successful.

Im luck to have my son, every day I know that. I can honestly say, having him, he was worth the risk of it not working to try for him.

The number one thing to know about IVF is that it mostly fails.

Whether the process is pretty easy, or horribly hard, depends on how your body responds to it (and how good your clinic is).

The stages are basically:

1. drugs to stimulate ovaries,
2. egg collection,
3. egg transfer,
4. waiting.

The stimulation drugs for stage 1 are ok but you have to inject yourself in the stomach (or get dh to do it for you) I think twice daily, can’t recall.

The egg collection is a much bigger deal than they tell you, the ‘needle’ is huge and while they may be able to get straight into the ovary with one jab, they may struggle to reach the ovary and scratch around, leaving you in some pain. I hurt down there for 8 months after.

Then you wait to see if your eggs fertilise and grow. Most people in their twenties / thirties produce about 10 eggs and most of them fertilise. Things are less good for older women. I got 1 fertilised egg and the embryologist warned me that it wasn’t growing properly and had a very low chance of success, but he’d transfer it anyway as it was the only option. Just after being told that, the other doctor made a big fuss about showing me on screen “there’s your baby! Do you want a photo?!” Hearing and watching all this was very hard.

Then there was two weeks of suppositories while waiting to find out that it had failed.

This all cost £6k, the main side effects of the drugs are weight gain and depression.

The doctor then suggested we try again… I declined. By this time another doctor had told me that the chances of conceiving with your own eggs in your forties are extremely low.

I was emotionally and physically wrecked by one attempt, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who already has a child as it’s very hard to parent well through this process.

The fact you donated your embryos is amazing @Milkand2sugarsplease. You are an absolute angel.