Feeling so sad today

[blueberry23]

6 cycles in to TTC my second baby and three early miscarriages under my belt already.

Had none of this the first time around.

I was convinced it was breastfeeding my 18m old that was the issue so I stopped about 5 weeks ago but now my blood tests have come back showing I may have a slightly under active thyroid. I really thought stopping breastfeeding would solve the issue so I am a bit gutted that this is a new battle to have with the doctors to ask for medication - my thyroid levels are within the normal range but apparently from my reading slightly too high to maintain a pregnancy.

It just feels never ending. Since starting TTC we've just been miserable. The highs of positive tests followed by the bleeding three times over. I feel like I failed my son by stopping feeding and maybe that wasn't even the issue after all.

I just want to be happy. And pregnant. And not consumed by this.

I feel this absolute panic that no2 just won't happen for us.

I don't want to talk to anyone, socialise, I'm being mean to my husband, very low motivation to do anything except sit and worry and google and wish I was pregnant.

Any words of advice for me? It's ovulation week next week. Part of me wants to try the other part says wait a few months to let my cycle sort itself out (I had a short luteal phase while breastfeeding so hoping that's sorted itself out now I have stopped for over a month).

I'm 35 so don't feel I have loads of time.

Anyone else in my boat? :-(

I don’t have any helpful advice, but just wanted to send some love and positivity.

I have been using Headspace app for a while to help when I’m struggling through difficult times - I have noticed they have some courses to help people with miscarriage and TTC, it might help to reduce stress levels.

@blueberry23 i don’t have any advice either but I also feel low atm. We are 16 months into TTC our third, also 35 and has no issues with my 5 and 3 year old xx

@blueberry23 I was where you are and it sucks, what was your TSH? I ended up having ivf for our second but before we started that my TSH was 3.2, 2.4 and below being the preferred level for ivf and maintaining pregnancy. The fertility clinic put me on Levothyroxine and that quickly reduced my TSH.

Incidentally I actually then after my second pregnancy was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and have recently had a bit of a run in with the gp about increasing my medication

@Happycroc

My TSH is 2.84. Was that why you ended up having to have ivf? I'm getting myself in such a state that we won't be able to conceive naturally!
The GP just didn't seem concerned about my TSH levels but I'm so confused about three miscarriages when we had no issue the first time around just two years ago!

@Hoping43 I'm sorry that sounds so tough 😥

@SheBuilds thank you for your kindness xxx

Sending love that must be so stressful. I would get the thyroid sorted (likely caused/ sped up by your last pregnancy) don't feel guilty. Xx you needed to know some answers, also if you're going to need thyroid meds you might not have been able to carry on bf anyway x

@blueberry23 no, my DHs sperm count was very low by the time we went through fertility testing which is why we had ivf.

unfortunately the gp probably won’t do anything, their “normal” parameter is up to 10. After 3 miscarriages you can ask for a gp referral for recurrent miscarriages but my experience of this was that it took forever to get an initial appointment then even longer for all the tests. Could you afford to go to a private fertility clinic? They would also prescribe Levothyroxine if they thought it was worth trying x

@Happycroc thank you for your response. I'm sorry you had to go through all that!

My husband is still adamant that breastfeeding caused our issues so now we have stopped I think we will try again and if I miscarry once more we will be going to a private fertility clinic.

Can you literally just call up and book and appointment? I wouldn't even know where to start!

@lisaloves pretty much, you’ll usually be able to be seen straight away. I love the nhs but it’s amazing how quickly things happen when you pay to go private!

good luck, I hope you get your rainbow baby very soon x

@Happycroc it's tempting to contact them now but I feel it would be worth trying another cycle or two before we spend the money!

I've been referred to the miscarriage clinic but not heard anything yet.

I've also been given cyclogest to take next time too so hope that helps!

Thank you for your advice x

I’m totally with you OP, took 11 months to fall with our 2nd and sadly had a mmc at 11 weeks. Been trying again for 6 months now and it’s so depressing- I really just want to be pregnant, it’s all consuming.

im trying to focus on other things but it’s not easy.

I'm so sorry @Teacaketotty. I can't imagine how hard that must be.

I take solace in the fact that we seem to conceive easily but holding on to it is a different ball game.

It's the most difficult thing ever.

Thank you so much @blueberry23 I’m hopeful it will happen for us both soon enough, I’m sure it will be worth the wait when it does x

Aww no, so sorry ☹️

don't want to talk to anyone, socialise, I'm being mean to my husband, very low motivation to do anything except sit and worry and google and wish I was pregnant.

Totally relate to this from when we were TTC our first, looking back it didn’t take long at all but just felt like it might never happen. If you’ve had 3 miscarriages you should be referred for tests or progesterone patches now should you not?

also you 100% haven’t failed your first, what an amazing achievement to have breastfed all that time

Hi @Prettyplease23 :)

I have progesterone pessaries now thank god. And yes I have been referred but not heard anything yet!