Avoiding baby showers and distancing from pregnant friends during TTC & Loss

[Essexgalttc]

Myself (27) and husband (30) are currently TTC our first. We have been trying since the start of this year with a twin loss at 9 weeks. It was a traumatic time and I ended up having a haemorrhage twice and taking 3 months to physically recover.

It’s been 4 months since the loss and we are TTC at the moment but I’ve been avoiding a pregnant friend because it’s too painful to be around her. We would of been due at the same time. I’m sure she’s planning a baby shower soon and I feel awful but I want to decline the invite if I receive one.

Just wondering how you deal with these situations?

I’m currently getting CBT counselling for pregnancy loss

Sorry for your loss

You don’t need to give a reason to decline a baby shower, plenty of people don’t like them (me included), just say you’re busy on that day

If this is a worthwhile friendship though I’d probably let your friend know that you’re finding the whole pregnancy timeline a bit difficult so she knows why you you need some time away from your friendship right now

@ShirleyPhallus thank you for your reply

She is aware of how I am feeling and has been respectful and understanding

I think she would understand me not being at her baby shower but I feel guilty for not being involved in her pregnancy

All her milestones are the same as mine so it hurts a lot

This is personal to you. You have to do works best for you.

i had the same ttc my first as well. Lost the pregnancy and had multiple pregnant friends and multiple baby showers. And I put on a brave face and sucked it up and went to each one. And ugly cried in the car on the way home usually.

for me. I wanted to show my care and love for my friend even though it was hard. And I did fall pregnant. And then it was my turn. And who knows of my friends felt the same as mine. If that makes sense. But I was then all happy and excited.

it’s all relative. But you do what works for you. They will likely understand and if they don’t. There lucky that they don’t get it hey.

just had another mc in April trc my second after 9 months trying. So that was a blow too.

fingers crossed your rainbow comes soon xx

Sorry to hear @Essexgalttc. Sounds as if you've been on a painful journey. 🙁When you find out the date of the baby shower, could you and OH book yourself a night away somewhere and say that it was already planned? I can understand how tough it would be to go to it.

I definitely wouldn't go. It sounds like your friend will be supportive so personally I'd be honest. Perhaps post or drop off a gift another time to show you care. I've had multiple miscarriages while trying for dc2 and have learnt to not put myself last. You shouldn't have to put a brave face on and then cry all the way home. True friends would understand. I'm very lucky that all my friends have been very understanding.