1 year, 1 MC: can I ask for help yet?

[ZoeQ90]

The NHS advice seems quite clear to me that you should go for help if you haven't conceived after 1 year of trying. How does miscarriage factor into this?

I conceived after 7 cycles, had miscarriage confirmed at 10 weeks and have now been trying for another 4 cycles, so over a year total BUT does miscarriage reset the clock? Do I need to wait another 8 cycles?

Also, I've had a large endometrioma diagnosed but my GP said this won't affect my fertility and the gynae referral for more investigations of that will be about a year.

Just a bit lost and sad.

Technically yes the mc resets the clock. As you fell within 7 cycles. Totally normal. So you are fertile as a couple. And likely will fall again before a year is up. 4 cycles in is still fairly early days albeit I understand frustrating!

i was ttc number 2 for almost a year. Had just had checks. Fell cycle 11. All was well tho. No issue. Mmc though. So now back into cycle 4 myself.

I know we fell pregnant. There are no issues. It’s normal for it to take upto a year sometimes. It’s hard not to stress. But just try trust the process.

there is nothing they can do or offer you to speed it up if your naturally fertile. Only time and patience.

@ZoeQ90 sorry didn’t tag you. All you can do is keep going hun 💖

but I know how devastating and how long each cycle feels. You have a very high chance of getting pregnant in your next 8 cycles as I do too I imagine 🤞🏼

😥i'd kind of hoped they'd at least look at my endometriosis with some kind of urgency. i just can't imagine doing this for another year, let alone potentially two or three more (in the event of try, miscarry, reset clock, try, miscarry).

sorry, bad week. period, one friend just had her kid and another just sprung a pregnancy announcement on me completely unexpected. chuffed for them both but it's hard.

@ZoeQ90 it’s so hard and it’s good to offload.

i mean it worth an ask about your endometriosis. But they will most likely have the view it didn’t stop you from conceiving. And you will again. I’m sure.

just have to take each day and week as it comes until they BFP comes again. An hopefully it will be a more positive outcome.

@ZoeQ90 I don't have much to offer but your post spoke to me. In the same boat. Fell after 8 cycles and had MMC at 10 weeks (found out at 12). It's been 7 cycles and nothing, and I turned 35 in June so not sure when I am able to get help.

Things that have helped for me was:

• going private to get checked out (approx £250 for me and £100 for sperm test) - obviously if you can afford it but we now know in theory nothing is wrong and no reason we shouldn't get pregnant again which helps a little (I have PCOS but ovulating)
• allowing myself to say no to stuff. It's been 7 months since MMC but I'm still hurting quite badly and I think probably have depression. I've stop saying yes to stuff when I don't feel like it, but also tried to make sure I do the things I enjoy and don't punish myself (eg. I like a wine, I'm not going to flay myself for having one or two of an evening)

Not sure if that's helpful, I've had a rough ride this last week with two texts about new pregnancies from close friends which bought all the awful feelings back, so I know how you feel.

We have to try and be hopefully that like a PP said, it can take a while even if everything is healthy... Sometimes it just needs time.

Sorry for the essay, but just wanted to give a handhold as I could have written this! X

@MO22 handheld as well. It’s shit. But I’ll be certain your turn is coming again soon.

i had a Mmc with my 1st pregnancy too. And felt all those emotions with so many pregnant friends and baby showers round me.

as this is my second child and second mmc. I guess I have an awareness of how once you fall pregnant again. It does all fade into the background. The inbetween bit between mc and falling pregnant again. Is utterly shit. I’m with you there now.

but it does all become somehow worth it. And hope I can say that too in however many months.

it sucks hey. We started ttc last May/June and here we still are. But on we plod. We ALL fell pregnant within the normal year time frame. So that’s good news. Just need to wait again for that to happen and hope all is well 🤞🏼🤞🏼

goes to show how many there equally are who do not just have this easy journey. Even when you don’t technically have fertility issues. Mc and losses can make the process so long!

@Indianna2006 thank you for you message, and I'm sorry you are going through it too. Definitely is nice to hear you've got one child (even though it doesn't make the pain of losses any easier I'm sure) from the process.

Plod on we will! I keep trying to reframe the others successes I keep being told about as more evidence it will happen, but it's hard to do that when you're feeling emotional and lost. Just have to keep on and have faith I suppose.

@MO22 they are so worth it when these babies decide to show up. And all the worrying and stressing does somehow fade into the background and you forget how hard it was…until you do it again 🙈🙈

lol neither of my journey to babies has been easy. Alas this journey to second child being more difficult than my first.

But like you said have to keep faith and have renewed hope each cycle. Only way you will get there 💪🏻