When to give up

[ASwimInAPondInTheRain]

Hi everyone
I'm feeling pretty despondent about conceiving. I have a 4.5 year old son who is a lovely handful.

We put off TTC DC #2 as we have had a really stressful few years and we wanted to get through that stress before ttc.

We got through that phase and started TTC and in the past 6 months I've had one miscarriage and 3 chemical pregnancies.

The Dr sent me for blood tests - day 21 tests - but hasn't called me with the results even though I was scheduled to receive them via a pre-arranged phone call the other day.
I am assuming because I was not able to receive the results over the phone that there is something wrong, but god knows what as trying to speak to my GP just seems too difficult. I don't even know if I can face chasing the surgery to get this phone call from the Dr which is the only way I can access the results.

I tried to get in touch with a private hospital to see if they might be able to help me as but they said they would charge me £250 for a zoom call initial appointment - for that sort of money I'd really expect some bloods or ultrasounds. What can they do in a zoom call that would warrant £250?

I'm feeling so dejected and low about it all - should I just give up trying to have another child and just be happy with my one DC? The poor little love will have no family - he'll have no cousins and his grandparents don't really care about him. I was hoping a sibling might give him a family member he could be close to.

I'm 36, and I feel like I've left it too late and I'm so cross and upset with myself for this.

A friend of mine told me I should be grateful to have had a miscarriage as it means I can conceive which felt like a terrible thing to hear. Of course she said this to me 20 weeks pregnant.
Argh. What should I do - just move on past this daydream of #2 or put up more of a fight?

@ASwimInAPondInTheRain
Keep fighting, stay strong. It'll be worth it in the end ❤️

Didn't you call the surgery after they "missed" your phone appt?

36 isn't too old either!

You can always put yourself on baby aspirin since you've have several early losses....since you can get pregnant, something is going wrong at the implantation stage or just after, and that might help. And/or progesterone, but you'll need a prescription for that.

Someone told me You give up when the pain of continuing is worse than the pain of accepting no (more) children. I found that helpful.

@ASwimInAPondInTheRain

Okay. So have you been trying for no.2 for 6 months or longer? Day 21 bloods, as far as I'm aware, would mostly be useful to see if you're ovulating which given your chemicals and MC, you are.

Do you take vitamin D?
What other tests have you looked into? Because of your age, all your testing should be done on the NHS after 6 months although you wouldn't be eligible for IVF.

Sorry to hear that. Our stories are very similar, same age as you, same aged child and same number of losses. Have you got referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic? I think there be a stage where I will give up however not yet... Best of luck.

Firstly, it's been 6 months and you got pregnant 4 times. At this stage day 21 bloods are almost useless since you are clearly ovulating and that's what day 21 bloods are looking for. The number may be useful as if it's low then you might want to ask for progesterone to take from 3DPO which will mean you should temp to confirm ovulation if you aren't already.

Baby baby aspirin. This is the first line of defence for recurrent miscarriage. Take 150 a day (I think it's mg but it's 2 tablets). It can't hurt to try. Take this asap not from positive test.

Try and get a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. They will test for blood clotting disorders. If your first is positive then the next bloods are done 12 weeks after the first. So the earlier you do it the sooner you find out.

I'm slightly older than you and my consultant isn't worried about my age.

As much as I hate the "well, at least you can get pregnant" it's kinda true. Keep going.

^ everything that @KatySp said. Very good advice.

And just call for the blood results, don't work yourself up over it.

You're not too old op..I would also recommend aspirin from personal experience

Sorry to hear your story op. Please dont give up yet. Take a few days to cheshire your little one and then find the strength to call your gp- I know it can feel like a battle just for the receptionist to pick up he phone but it will be worth it.

I had my first child at 36 and am trying soon for another at 38. My friend had her second at 40 with success so you arent too old and havent left it too late.

As well as baby aspirin maybe research some other fertility vitamins. Like COq10 is recommended to improve egg quality which i believe can sometimes be involved in miscarriages sadly.

Be kind to yourself and we're all hear if you want to talk 💐

Hi everyone

Thank you for your encouragement and sympathies. I think I had just had a tough week and felt like it had all got on top of me. I'm feeling more positive now but still a bit wobbly.

I will try the baby aspirin - and I'm taking lots of prenatal vits (conception for her tablets, Ubiquinol, vit d, cod liver oil) so will just keep trying.

I also got the blood test results from Dr - all fine except prolactin levels which were raised so I'm going in for another prolactin blood test to check.

Thanks again xx