IVF embryo guilt

[clairebear610]

I have been lucky enough to have two children after lots of tough IVF. However I have three embryos left and I often think about them almost as if they are already my children and that I owe them a chance at life. Maybe that's silly but I can't help it. I also feel really emotional when I think about the possibility that my two beautiful children might not have been had different embryos been picked. It's slightly messing with my head. Has anyone else had similar thoughts and how do I learn to feel better about it all? We may possibly think about a third child in the future but probably wouldn't end up using all three embryos. I also had an IVF chemical pregnancy inbetween both children and often feel sadness at what that child would have been like, although I guess that is totally normal as with a miscarriage of any kind. I really struggle with mum guilt a lot anyway but keep thinking about my embryos and struggling a little. Is this normal or weird? Thanks

Doesnt ur ivf clinic so kind of emotional/mental health support?

Didn't want to read and run op. How old are your children? It might be worth seeking counselling for these thoughts you don't have to struggle with these feelings alone. @🌺

oh OP! I'm in exactly the same boat! I wouldn't love to donate mine but sadly I was adopted wjth no family history so I'm not allowed! I have no arbor but I understand. I keep paying £350 a year to keep them frozen with no intention of using them 😭

*would

*advice

Ffs

Totally relate to the what if the embryologist had decided a different embryo looked better we wouldn’t have you! It’s so weird, so crazy. I think about this quite a lot. My kids were frozen embryos that sat in a freezer for months. I was telling someone about this the other day and she couldn’t believe it. We also have 3 embryos still in the freezer, highly unlikely to be used (they have been there 6+ years), we have 2 kids and it’s enough. I have not got any advice but it’s nice to know im not the only one who thinks about this stuff, sorry if that’s not helpful to you.

My colleague and her husband are very religious and prior to IVF agreed to try with any and all embryos. They got 7, and are on child 4 now with one embryo left. I currently have 23 frozen after my May cycle. Can't imagine wanting to use them all but I occasionally think "I'm a mum to 24 potential kiddos" including DS and wonder if I'll struggle to destroy them after. I think it's normal to feel that way, especially after all the hardship you go through to get them.

Sorry for your loss

It sounds like you need to get your thoughts out and discuss with someone professional- a counsellor and ideally the ones offered whilst going through IVF. Yes, its normal to think about the embryos, but that fact you are so emotional about this, I worry you need extra support.

I was listening to a podcast just just this week where a young woman needed a full hysterectomy to save her life from cancer. Her and her partner had embryos stored which they decided to donate. Its a big ask, and the child could contact you age 18, but she felt that they weren't wasted, and could be used for couples who couldn't conceive, single people wanting a family etc.

Once you work out what YOU want/need to do, it might be something to consider.

I feel the same. After years of paying to freeze them knowing I wasn't going to have another child I chose to donate them for research. I still feel guilty about it as I am sure they would have turned out to be amazing children but I couldn't just leave them there indefinitely. I used to dread the yearly letter asking what I wanted to do with them because it wasn't a decision I wanted to make. It makes me feel better knowing that they went to some use and I wish I could have had got my head around donating them for other people going through IVF but I just couldn't do it for very complicated, probably selfish reasons.

But I get you.