Has anyone ever used a co-parenting website?

[bluedelphinium]

I'm mid 30s, want a family but am pretty much done re dating. I've genuinely tried. Currently don't have the funds for a sperm donation through an official company (temporary situation, I'm not insolvent overall).

Has anyone ever used a co-parenting website? I've had a look and will be honest it looks quite risky.

There is a guy on there saying he wants to conceive 'naturally'. Is there a good reason for that or is he just probably looking for sex? How would you know if donors had an STI? The sperm is not screened so they could have done a test but the result not be accurate if they had had sex recently. How would things stand if they decided to get involved with the baby and take you to court?

I'm not meaning to sound judgy or anything, just genuinely interested if people are on there in good faith and if it can work out well.

What fresh hell is this?

Well I went on it thinking it might be other single people looking for someone to have a platonic arrangement with, gay couples too. It seemed to be mainly single men offering their services though as free donors which I found a bit odd. Just wondered if I had come across a dodgy site by mistake and finding a coparent online was a 'thing'

Nothing about this sounds like a good idea.

I know if a gay couple who set out to conceive with a lesbian couple with a plan to co-parent - on the face of it did a very thorough job, shared parental health records in advance, talked through all their views on parenting, education etc. despite all that prep they ended up in a very lengthy court battle where one of the couple is now alienated and has no contact with the child.

This is a really, really bad idea.

The 'single men offering their services as donors' but is horrifically creepy.

That's the impression I get. it feels kind of exploitative of them, putting that bit in about how they prefer to do it through natural conception as a condition of sorts, knowing there are women who really want a baby so will probably do it.

We'll yeah, obviously (sorry). They want lots of sex, and the glory or having tonnes of kids, and know that some desperate (sorry again!) women will go along with it.

They'd be a terrible father to give a child, before you add in what I imagine is rampant STDs.

I know a very successful coparenting relationship of a single woman and a gay couple. But they were trusted friends first, which is a million miles away from this sordid nonsense.

Is prideangel still around?

But you do mostly get sleazy men, so I sympathise.

Have you looked into treatment abroad?

It wouldn't surprise me if some of these men had the snip and used it as a way for easy sex.

I looked into it and was utterly revolted by almost everything I read. Essentially they want unprotected sex and in many cases seemed to want a hold over the woman. I really didn't want to have a child who would be biologically half of any of those people.

I also looked into a known donor, and after much consideration decided against it. I used an anonymous donor via a clinic and my DD is almost four.

Yeah I've looked into treatment abroad. It still seems quite a lot. I might just have to accept this won't happen for me.

I agree with you latenightreader I wouldn't really want a kid with someone who posts online offering unprotected sex

I was actually considering this 2 years ago, thought it was a brilliant idea...never thought of any of this stuff 🙄. Anyway 2 years later I'm engaged to this guy I met online and were about to start trying...dont mean to sound like one of those women you want to slap but you truly never know.

Also fostering for adopting a baby was another idea I had which may be more sound. Best of luck!

I'm sorry but I think the idea that men are going to use this as a way to have unprotected, or any, sex is really wide of the mark. There are much easier ways for men to have sex

I have, yes.
You do have to be incredibly choosy, I wouldn't even start a conversation with somebody who wanted to try "natural insemination" and was very clear on ai only.
I followed strict safety rules when meeting and asked for paperwork Re health checks.
It worked out extremely well for me, our child is ten and we co-parent well.

Even so, I had to filter out a fair few sleaze balls along the way so it is risky but there's decent people around for sure.

I mean, I don't think they're using it as a hook up site, it's not as simple as that. It just seems off. As in offering one's sperm could be altruistic, but why does it need to be delivered through sex? I don't know if it's more effective than AI but surely that's the recipient's problem, not the donor's. This stipulation just makes it seem as though there are other motives attached.

I met up with quite a few men off the site and there's many different reasons why they do it. Don't forget though it's not a sperm donation site it's a co-parenting site so most are not being altruistic, they actively want to have a child. The trick is to ask lots of questions really get to know them and find out if their reasons gel with your own.
At the end of the day co-parenting sites are very much like any other sites that allow you to meet people. You will have a fair proportion of idiots, a few dangerous people and a few gems.
What you do once you make contact and meet up is your responsibility and you do need to be really, really cautious.

Thanks for your insight Lisa I'm glad it has worked out for you. Can I ask out of interest, with your coparent, what was it in his advert and your conversations that made it apparent he was a good guy in it for the right reasons?

Tricky one, I did know that he was "the one" in a co parenting sense straight away.
He was clear in his ad that he was a gay man and NI was completely off the table, which made him seem much more genuine. His profile was very detailed and he'd clearly given a lot of thought to what he wanted from the arrangement and why.
We spent the best part of a year getting to know one another and there was no pressure to move any faster. Which again was a big green flag. He introduced me to his mum on about our third meeting too.

Did you not read the recent news article about a chap who offered his services the "natural" way - ended up having lots of kids, sued a couple of mothers for contact with the children oh and had a genetic condition which was passed to many of them

Seriously i would re think this

Hey did you ever look further into this my husband is desperate for a child however I have fertility issues and whilst I've had 1 child young befor i met him I and I've had several miscarriages, we are not eligible for any treatment which costs a fortune privately, we love each other and don't really want to split up but it has been discussed if we can't find a solution as he thinks 40 is the max age he should have a child no idea why. It's supper stressful and I seen the co parent thing online and started to wonder and needed to if anyone had any experience with this

Hi, no I didn't in the end. I met someone quite soon after the thread. Unfortunately a serious health issue arose for me so children may be off the cards but I'm lucky to have my partner. He was always happy either way re children.

If relocation might be an option have a look on the fertility network as some areas allow treatment if one partner has a child. I don't know the terms for this but it may be worth researching.