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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Ttc, raped, pregnant

15 replies

Abc123zyx · 13/06/2022 19:19

Me and my husband have being trying to conceive child no2 for almost 2 years. We had a very 'active' month last month and this month I found out I am pregnant.

However, last month I also got raped. It was someone I thought was a friend and I'm not even sure if it was rape as I just let it happen. I didn't want it to, I was surprised and scared and went into a state of shock I think. I know he wore a condom but I don't know how accurately.

I hypothetically asked my husband about what he would do in that situation and he was 100% clear that the baby would need to be aborted.

I don't know what to do. I've wanted this child for a long time, but I don't want to potentially raise a rapists child. Also, I don't think I could get over the heartache of terminating a pregnancy, it's not their fault.

I also am not sure I can tell my husband about the rape as he wouldn't look at me the same again. The person was someone I work with and would have major complications for my job. Luckily I have managed to arrange to not be at work when the man is there at the moment. I feel like I'm in a right mess.

OP posts:

Hollipolly · 13/06/2022 19:24

Your colleague needs reporting to your work company speak to HR.

rahjama · 13/06/2022 19:28

He should love and support you through a traumatic time. It's not your fault you got raped. If he looks at you differently that says a lot about him.

The man needs reporting, not only to your work but to the police as well. However I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that.

Does your husband know about the pregnancy yet?

I am so sorry this has happened to you. X

MrJi · 13/06/2022 19:28

I have a friend who was raped by a friend and who also went into shock , it is a very common protective reaction, not fighting does not mean that it wasn’t rape OP, so please don’t feel that this was your fault .
i am very sorry that this has happened to you.
If he did wear a condom it is highly unlikely that the baby is his. Can you also judge by your most fertile days ?

TabbyKat87 · 13/06/2022 19:32

Asking a hypothetical question, isn't the same as being faced with it in real life. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I would urge you to confide in your husband, and also the police and your work place.

Beingadiv · 13/06/2022 19:39

I'm so sorry for this OP. It was rape if you didn't consent, and that doesn't just mean freeze and not be able to say no. You wouldn't just assume a colleague wanted sex with you unless they expressed this so this man had no reason to think you were consenting from what you describe. Would you consider telling the police?

You can get a prenatal paternity test but your husband shouldn't see you differently for being raped. You didn't choose for this to happen

RJnomore1 · 13/06/2022 19:40

Can you phone rape crisis? You need someone to talk to. I’m so sorry this is happening.

WindowsSmindows · 13/06/2022 19:41

Very unlikely to be from the rape.
I'm so sorry for your situation, I hope it helps you to hear that this baby is almost certainly your husband's.

Crystalvas · 13/06/2022 19:52

You need to tell your husband and report it to the police. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Chances are if he wore a condom its your hubbys baby.

stuntbubbles · 13/06/2022 19:55

I’m so sorry this was done to you. And I’m sorry your husband’s response to the hypothetical was less than supportive: he may well react differently if he learns this isn’t a theoretical but an awful thing that was done to you.

When you have your booking in appointment at 8 weeks, do confide in your midwife: you can get extra support during the pregnancy, request chaperones at examinations, get mental health support, etc.

RunningFromInsanity · 13/06/2022 20:01

If you are looking for someone to say it, I’ll say it-
The baby is your husbands and you can raise him/her as so, without ever mentioning the rape to anyone ever again.

AgathaAllAlong · 13/06/2022 20:32

Very unlikely to be rapist's child. You can raise your baby and never say anything if you want to. But also what happened to you was am awful crime OP and your husband needs to treat it that way. If you were knifed or robbed would he look at you differently? Women's bodies belong to them, not to the men they choose to partner with. This is something that happened to you, not something that happened to your husband. You might well need his love and support through this time, and you should be able to feel that you would get it.

Lilgamesh2 · 14/06/2022 09:08

Pre natal paternity testing exists, you would need a sample from either DH or the rapist.

Do you know what day of your cycle the rape occurred?

PoleFairy · 14/06/2022 12:24

OP please don't think this wasn't rape. Rape doesn't have to be violent or being dragged off the street by a stranger. Infact the majority of the time it's exactly as you say. A friend who takes advantage and a woman who freezes in shock.

I think its unlikely that the rapist is the father but I understand your fear as your mind must be all over the place.

Irishfarmer · 14/06/2022 15:33

I am so sorry this happened to you. Can you phone the rape crisis centre?

There is such a thing as "prenatal DNA testing" it can be done at 7 weeks. It's expensive but might be worth it.

FrancescaJade1 · 24/06/2022 07:17

That BEAST wants locking up. Please, please, PLEASE report him to the police Babe. I have been through this when I was just 13, and at first couldn't tell anyone, but I told my friend who basically MADE me go to the police and the BEAST got 6 years. As for your baby, I hope it's not the rapists, I really do darling.

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