TTC at 38 and losing hope.

[FlowerFox]

This is my first post so sorry if I get things wrong. I’m 38 and ttc without success and I just feel so sad and worn out by it. I’m the only one in my friendship group without children and am just consumed by fear and anxiety that it might not happen for us. We don’t qualify for IVF and I have extensive endometriosis, and at this point I don’t know if I have the mental resilience to go through IVF. We’ve looked into adoption but I feel so daunted by the fear of things going wrong. There’s no choice but to keep trying and hoping for the best but I just don’t know how to stop myself living in constant cycle of anxiety and then sadness.

Hey OP, I'm sorry, what a difficult situation to be in ! How long have you ttc ? Can they operate your endo ? As if that is the issue, and they remove it, you may have a window of opportunity to conceive ?

There isn't really a quick solution to make you feel better unfortunately. Take things one day at a time, don't project too far into the future. Allow yourself your feelings and process them as best you can. Communicate with your partner, so that you may support each other.

I hope it all works out and you can become a mother, in whatever way works for you.

Hi op, I'm sorry you're in this boat. I was in a similar position a few years ago. We TTC for almost 10 years. I also have endo.

It didn't turn out with the ending we wanted, we've accepted being childless, but it's a hard road to go down and you really do have my heart . See if you can get the endo lasered. Might give more chance.

If adoption is something you think might be the way for you to become a parent, start exploring the process now. We went to some initial information sessions but it wasn't for us.

What I can tell you, is that although it seems bleak at the moment, and if you don't end up having the baby you wish for, there is life for you out the other side of the hurt. Accepting childlessness was a grieving process for us. And there will always be moments of sadness, but now we've gone through that process, you know what, life's still good! We have disposable income to do what we like and once your friends with kids get through the toddler years, they'll be itching for child free meet ups with you!

I hope you do have a child op, I just wanted to reassure that if it doesn't happen, it's ok.

Hi @FlowerFox have you been to the GP yet? As another person said, getting the endo removed could be a game changer but I presume you've looked into that already...I know endo is a bitch for TTC, and I'm so sorry you're feeling really down about it. It is a really tough thing to go through.

From my perspective, I think there is a lot of scare stories about IVF. I've done extensive research because i am about to start it myself and whilst obviously it's not ideal, lots of people don't find it as bad mentally or physically as think they will, once they really understand the process. I know you said you don't qualify for IVF... depending on the reasons, there are some places that do 'affordable' IVF which maybe you should research before ditching the idea. Best of luck. It's a shitty situation and having tried for a long time, I feel that despair and frustration x

Re IVF, compare the mental resilience you need (which you won’t be able to truly know the depth of, until you do it) vs the resilience you need to cope with TTC. IVF is a few short weeks out of your life.

look up alternatives to NHS fertility if you don’t qualify - such as egg share, for example.

Thank you for the kind words -I’m sorry I’m not sure if I’m replying individually or to the post as a whole until I get to grips with how this works.

Unfortunately because of where it is they’re not able to operate because of the risks being too high. I think it’s good advice to not project too far so I’ll keep reminding myself of that.

I’ve had all of the tests and everything as it should be apart from the endo. It just doesn’t seem to be on the cards for us so I think I need to make some kind of peace with it.

I had a good chat with my partner this morning and feel more resolved. It really is endurance all of this isn’t it!

Thank you as well to potteringinmysocks for sharing your story. I’m so glad you have a life you’re happy in and found a way through to that - it’s genuinely comforting to hear.

Sending you all lots of love and thanks for the kindness when I was at a bit of a low point. X