What is the ideal age gap?

[salharg]

I know everyone is different on which age gap is best but from experience what would you say works best?
I am 34 so age is slightly worrying me, I have a DD she is 21 months just trying to decide when to start TTC

For me its 4-5 years, so only home on mat leave with 1 at a time (oldest at school), so can focus on each of them and enjoy each stage. Oldest is old enough to understand about baby sibling so jealousy is easier to manage as can distract with favourite activities etc. Only 1 in nappies/pushchair at a time etc.

But i had my first in my late 20's so had time to wait.

I think there are pros and cons to all age gaps

I agree with the above, I think there are pros and cons with everything.

There was only a 2 year gap between me and my sister and so it was easier to manage activities/days out etc, but it must have been harder for our parents.

With my SCs there is a 4 year gap and it was easy to manage both because the oldest had a greater understanding and ability to help etc. BUT it has been much tougher to do things that they both enjoy...even going to the park involves one of us being with one, and one with the other. It's only now that they are 8 and 12 that it's evening out a bit.

Personally I think I'd like about 3 years between...only 1 baby/toddler at a time!

I had a 2 year gap with mine and it was ideal for me.

I was 24/26 when they were born which was the ideal age for me. Enjoyed the newborn/toddler stages and every stage since which helps. Being younger helped wrt to energy levels I think, although I don't have anything to compare it to.

I liked having them close in age, makes it nice and easy with activities, they play together, have mutual friends. I didn't find it hard having a baby and a toddler- only thing that made it difficult was my younger one having a tongue tie that was never fully resolved.

It's different for everyone though.

So many pros and cons.
First gap 15months. Second gaps 10 years!
I actually enjoyed having 2 under 2. I found the transition much easier.

No-one knows the answer really as most people only have their own personal experience to go on and even if they have a few different gaps, the order those come in and the personalities of the children also affect it.

We took nearly 4 years to conceive our first and I was about your age when I got pregnant. We had our 2nd 13 months later as we thought it might take a while again but it didn't. It was hard work but we were lucky in that they were both good sleepers and have generally got along well with each other as they've grown up. A colleague had the same gap but a few years younger than my two and his life was a living nightmare, neither slept and they hated each other and they spent a lot of their time trying to stop them biting and scratching and fighting each other!

As close as possible. Mine are 18 months and they are going out together as young adults and they always have each other. I have a big age gap with my sister and there isn’t really a connection
We will never do anything together

Someone once said to me decide on the youngest age gap you can manage then start trying as you don’t know how long it will take.

I wanted around two years but my DS is 2 shortly and only just got a BFP, and still very conscious that I’m a long way off actually delivering a healthy baby.

Sorry I know that’s not your question but I found it useful advice so hoping it helps you too.

I like the logic of deciding what gap you think suits and start trying accordingly. Due to life circumstances I have 18 years between my two. I was 37 when I had Dd2. Wanted another but had secondary infertility and it never happened for us. So I have 2 gorgeous girls, 18 years apart! Which works in many ways but wasn't quite the plan..

Ideally I think about a 3 year gap is good for practical reasons. Close enough for them to hopefully be close but far apart enough so you can manage.
I have a friend who has 13 months between theirs and now at age 11 and 12 they are very close.

3.5 years works well for us. Ds is at pre-school so there is time for me to dote on the new baby one-to-one. Also ds is old enough to have a good understanding of things but it's also a close enough age gap for them to be playmates in the years to come.

Two years. Then they are separated by a sándwich year at school but are close enough that though they may not play together, they are at similar stages through childhood. Have a friend with three seven years apart each and no 14 year old wants to do the same as a seven year old and a new baby makes it tricky to do many things at all.