BFP anxiety after miscarriage

[PointyMcguire]

In January I miscarried at 5+6. It was my first pregnancy and I had absolutely no idea how common chemical pregnancies and miscarriages were so it was a crushing blow. I’m still nowhere near over it, but at 35 I don’t feel I have time to waste so we’ve continued to TTC.

Yesterday I received a BFP at 13dpo. The line is already much darker than last time, which I’m hoping is a good thing but I’m an absolute anxious mess. I dread going to the toilet for fear that I’m going to find bleeding. Last night I had some sharp twinges and I convinced myself I’m losing them again. AF is due tomorrow and already I’m worrying I’m going to bleed. How the hell am I going to stay sane if this pregnancy does progress when I’m worrying about every little thing?

I’m going to call the EPU tomorrow and see if they have any advice, but would love to hear from anyone else that’s been in the same boat as I’m too scared to talk to friends in real life right now in case I jinx it.

Pic of first test for anyone interested, it seems fairly dark to me, but that might just be me comparing to last time.

That test looks super for 13dpo!

What you're feeling is normal. Those of us who have had losses will most likely be "knicker checkers" most of the way through successful pregnancies. You just have to go one day, one week, one scan at a time.

Likewise, you can't affect outcomes, so testing every day, having scans every week won't change what will happen. Right now you're pregnant.

In these early stages you could ask for HCG blood tests several days apart to check if they're rising properly, and you could request an early scan - if you do this please wait a couple of weeks until you will actually be able to see something!!!! A scan at 4-5 weeks isn't going to reassure you to be honest. A scan at 7-8 weeks when a heartbeat can be seen and a more accurate measurement can be taken will be so much better!

Oh, and you can't "jinx" anything. What will be will be. You just have to try your best to accept that 🙂

@Regenbogen22 Thank you so much, I really needed to hear that and you’re so right.

I think I was just so excited last time, whereas this time I was more like “shit is this really happening again”. I still feel so fragile from what happened in January I worry I won’t cope if it happens again, but I think taking every day at a time is a good shout.

I might ask about the HCG check just to give some peace of mind. Last time around it was such early days I didn’t really have much in the way of medical support, so just having someone who can say it looks to be moving in the right direction would be enough to help calm me.