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Conception

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Original poster

Other people's pregnancy news

20 replies

tootrueblue · 30/04/2022 13:27

How do you deal with it when you're struggling to conceive?

We've been trying for 16 cycles so far with no positives and just been told DP's friend is pregnant. I know nothing about their TTC journey, which could have been long or difficult too, so I feel unfair for struggling with the news.

Anyone got any advice for dealing with it? I'll even take a stern talking to for being unreasonable! 😂

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Charl881 · 30/04/2022 20:59

I try to be as happy and excited for them as possible and tell myself one day that will be me and people will be happy and excited for me.

it doesn’t stop it from being a huge kick in the teeth and I do struggle with seeing friends pregnancies speed by when they started trying after me, but telling myself it’s not a race and will happen one day helps.

Also a glass of wine and other things you can’t do when pregnant helps!

Hiddenvoice · 01/05/2022 08:11

It’s really tough being in this situation as you feel guilty for not feeling very happy for them or jealous.
My dh knew that whenever he mentioned someone was pregnant that I would get upset but I started to remind myself that I didn’t know what their journey was like so tried to focus on being happy for them and thinking about the day j get to share my news.

Twizbe · 01/05/2022 08:13

Give yourself a day to feel upset and angry. Those feelings are natural when you've been trying for a long time.

Then slap on the smile and try to be happy for them.

Original poster
tootrueblue · 01/05/2022 08:52

Thank you for your replies. You're absolutely right, I don't know their situation. I feel a bit better this morning after a good night's sleep and I'll try to focus on looking forward to when it's our turn, with positivity.

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doingitforthegirls · 01/05/2022 09:00

You tell yourself that no one gets pregnant to hurt someone else

You are right you don't know their circumstances- they could have suffered several losses

SarahShorty · 01/05/2022 11:19

It's not easy, is it? I haven't been trying as long as you have, and I had a CP in my last cycle. Thank God not a 4 week MC or anything like that as I'd be broken right now if that were the case. Though I do get down when I see other's BFPs and when I see pregnant women (we're talking like veeeery visible bump) while out and about, it's bitter sweet, because on the one hand I'm really joyously happy for them, and on the other hand I'm super annoyed with myself. It's so conflicting. In those moments I just tell myself that it will happen and to try not to get upset. It will happen and don't give up hope.

HelloBarkness · 01/05/2022 12:02

If it's on social media my insides usually squeeze up of their own accord with jealousy and sadness. I've deleted FB now so I don't see them. IG seems easier as I can scroll past more swiftly.

Its not even that I'm not happy for them, it's lovely for them, but I can't engage with it at all because it's like self harm.

I stopped liking/congratulating people on social media about their pregnancies/new babies. I'll coo briefly if I see them in real life.

People generally skirt past pregnancy news with me now though anyway because it means they have to reciprocate and ask about me, and I'm a horror story 😂🙃

Original poster
tootrueblue · 01/05/2022 12:46

@SarahShorty I'm so sorry about your CP, I hope you're doing ok Flowers and totally agree with having conflicting thoughts. I wouldn't ever let anyone feel I wasn't delighted for them, I'll always put a brave face on but the inner feelings can be tough

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Original poster
tootrueblue · 01/05/2022 12:48

@HelloBarkness I agree, you have to protect yourself from the things that trigger you. I'm probably odd in that watching something like One Born doesn't trigger me, social media isn't too bad (obviously depending on who it is) but this was just a text that my DP read out and was then totally bewildered as to why I'd find that a little tough 🙄

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Original poster
tootrueblue · 01/05/2022 12:51

doingitforthegirls · 01/05/2022 09:00

You tell yourself that no one gets pregnant to hurt someone else

You are right you don't know their circumstances- they could have suffered several losses

Oh yes I know but it doesn't stop you feeling jealous of what someone else has been able to 'achieve' when you haven't yet.

And I guess being happy for them then makes me reflect on how much I long for the same thing.

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HelloBarkness · 01/05/2022 12:51

Just read back and realised how miserable my post was.

Coping mechanisms include remembering that there aren't a finite number of healthy babies that can be conceived. That I'm fortunate in other ways and have a good support system.

And to do what I can control, which is eating a good diet and trying to exercise, inused to take a lot of vitamins and supplements but have stopped.

Not measuring things in "I could be xx weeks pregnant by then".

HelloBarkness · 01/05/2022 13:00

tootrueblue · 01/05/2022 12:48

@HelloBarkness I agree, you have to protect yourself from the things that trigger you. I'm probably odd in that watching something like One Born doesn't trigger me, social media isn't too bad (obviously depending on who it is) but this was just a text that my DP read out and was then totally bewildered as to why I'd find that a little tough 🙄

Weirdly enough, I can watch one born, call the MW etc and find them enjoyable. I think it's because it's fictional/not close to home. It's people who I know that I really struggle with.

There's a school mum who is due about three weeks after I should have been and I can hardly look at her without it hurting my heart.

SarahShorty · 01/05/2022 14:07

@tootrueblue thank you xx I'm over the worst of it now and on CD14 today, so it's time to go again! I have an average cycle length length of 35, so ovulation will be a anywhere from CD18 to CD23 (from past charting). I'll probably be joining the TWW threads to keep my mind off it 😄

Decaffe · 01/05/2022 15:40

One of my closest friends thoughtfully shared the news by text.

I took half an hour to cry my eyes out.

Then once I was okay, I called her, to say congratulations and tell her how (truly) overjoyed I was.

TortolaParadise · 01/05/2022 15:55

Smile and wish well.

Palease · 01/05/2022 16:02

Ha I was just very bitter and had to unfollow friends who were pregnant and avoid them. It’s so hard. I couldn’t even be happy for them.

Original poster
tootrueblue · 01/05/2022 17:19

@HelloBarkness oh I'm so sorry, that must be incredibly hard.

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Original poster
tootrueblue · 01/05/2022 17:20

SarahShorty · 01/05/2022 14:07

@tootrueblue thank you xx I'm over the worst of it now and on CD14 today, so it's time to go again! I have an average cycle length length of 35, so ovulation will be a anywhere from CD18 to CD23 (from past charting). I'll probably be joining the TWW threads to keep my mind off it 😄

I admire how positive and upbeat you are. I wish you every ounce of luck!

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Original poster
tootrueblue · 01/05/2022 17:20

Decaffe · 01/05/2022 15:40

One of my closest friends thoughtfully shared the news by text.

I took half an hour to cry my eyes out.

Then once I was okay, I called her, to say congratulations and tell her how (truly) overjoyed I was.

This is pretty much how I am...struggle at first, cry, deal with it and then can be genuinely happy for the mum-to-be

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Original poster
tootrueblue · 01/05/2022 17:22

Palease · 01/05/2022 16:02

Ha I was just very bitter and had to unfollow friends who were pregnant and avoid them. It’s so hard. I couldn’t even be happy for them.

It's so tough isn't it, how it can make us jealous and bitter when we don't mean to be

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