Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

Original poster

Partner wants to wait

22 replies

Tracy245 · 22/04/2022 21:56

Me and my partner decided to try for a baby a couple of months back and i was so excited as i really want to have a baby however he has now changed his mind and said he thinks we should wait a yr as we have a lot going on over the next few months. I am devastated but dont know how to talk to him about it as every time i try to bring it up he refuses to talk about it. I feel like i dont want to wait any longer as im already 36 and have had issues in the past with miscarrying (with an ex partner) and i dont think he understands as he already has 2 girls with his ex whereas i dont have any. I just dont know what to do

OP posts:

Mamabananananana · 22/04/2022 21:57

Dont wait OP. You dont have the luxury of time
dont let him waste any more of yours.

stopthepain · 23/04/2022 09:49

@Tracy245 how long have you been together? How old is he? You can’t manipulate him into having dc but he can’t tell you to wait. If you want different things then you should probably separate as you would resent one another.

Same1977 · 23/04/2022 09:52

Talk to him.But don't cheat him...if women can decide when they want to have children so should men.If he has explicitly told that he doesn't want a child now you will need to get him on board

FetchezLaVache · 23/04/2022 09:54

Cut your losses, don't throw good fertile years after bad!

Chatwin · 23/04/2022 09:58

There will always be a lot of things going on, so you need to get him to clarify if he's just putting you off or genuinely just wants to wait a while.

Are you planning on marrying? There are so many posts on here from unmarried women totally screwed over by dickhead partners reluctant to commit, and who have given up their financial security to have a baby.

OrlandointheWilderness · 23/04/2022 10:03

What do you have going on in the next few months?

Original poster

Tracy245 · 24/04/2022 01:44

We have been together a yr hes 34 so 2yrs younger we arnt engaged but have talked about getting married in the next few yrs. We have both recently started new jobs are moving in together in a few weeks plus a few other things planned and at the beginning of next yr i am bridesmaid for my best friend. I said in passing i was worried about being pregnant for that but that thought went as quickly as it came for me but he seems to have jumped on it and said lets wait until after her wedding. I know he loves me and he really does want another child and i dont want to end things over this as he is the person i want to spend my life with i just feel so upset at the thought of waiting. Im going to try and talk to him about it again in the next few days as i genuinely think he doesnt realise how much waiting another yr could affect our chances of having a baby together

OP posts:

TheWayoftheLeaf · 24/04/2022 01:57

If you can't have an honest and open conversation you're not in a good relationship tbh

TheWayoftheLeaf · 24/04/2022 01:57

Also a year is nothing. I think you're pushing too much

TheWayoftheLeaf · 24/04/2022 01:59

And you haven't even lived together!!

stopthepain · 24/04/2022 08:37

You've only been together for one year! I think your boyfriend is being sensible. You barely know each other and he has 2 Dd to prioritise. They would be so so confused if a woman they don’t know is suddenly carrying their half sibling. You are demanding too much.

QuiEstLa · 24/04/2022 08:41

You are not married/engaged
not living together
Known each other a year

and you want to conceive a baby? Would you move in together when you are pregnant? What’s the plan?

PeachesToday · 24/04/2022 09:12

I’m 37 and I wouldn’t wait. You might miss your chance and for what? I don’t understand his reasoning. Are you sure he’s being honest?

Also, I don’t currently live with my OH either (& we’ve been together only a year too ~ shock horror) but we are waiting to exchange on our first home together. It’s so different meeting someone in your later thirties. I’ve never been more sure or secure in a relationship. Different strokes for different folks.

Original poster

Tracy245 · 24/04/2022 09:12

We are moving in together at the end of may as we have now found somewhere, would of already been living together if we could of found the right place sooner as been looking since xmas although tbh i pretty much live at his currently i only come home the odd night when hes working night shift. The length of time we have been together is not the issue i know loads of couples who moved in/had a baby/got married within the first 18 months of there relationship and it has worked out to be the right thing for them. Both me and my partner have said when you know you have met the right person time doesnt matter.

OP posts:

Softleftpowerstance · 24/04/2022 09:18

But your partner has also now said it’s too soon to TTC.

I think TTC after a year when you don’t live together is madness, being 36 doesn’t change that.

Stuff like being a bridesmaid is completely irrelevant, however.

PeachesToday · 24/04/2022 09:40

Softleftpowerstance · 24/04/2022 09:18

But your partner has also now said it’s too soon to TTC.

I think TTC after a year when you don’t live together is madness, being 36 doesn’t change that.

Stuff like being a bridesmaid is completely irrelevant, however.

From the OP the partner says it’s due to ‘a lot going on’.

Tbh that teamed with his inability to discuss it is a huge red flag & I wouldn’t lose my chance of having a child on a flakey man.

thebeespyjamas · 24/04/2022 11:06

FetchezLaVache · 23/04/2022 09:54

Cut your losses, don't throw good fertile years after bad!

This, and get into gear and outwardly find a man who wants a family. They are out there but we are busy having careers or being told we should wait and then BAM! You can't have kids.

He's a dick and he can't be depended upon.

OrlandointheWilderness · 24/04/2022 20:08

Personally I wouldn't say he is a dick just because he wants to wait - you've only been together a year! That is far too soon for most people and honestly living together can really highlight problems. I loved in with a man after 3 years together and moved out again 11 weeks later as it showed me what he was really like. Take your time.

Ragwort · 24/04/2022 20:19

A year is nothing!
And he's already got two DC, putting it bluntly he probably doesn't want anymore and is just stringing you along - what sort of a Dad is he to his existing DC? Why did his previous relationship break up?

And do you honestly want to become a stepmother to his DC? Have you thought about their needs?

You do sound incredibly naive ... as if you are just desperate to 'have a baby' . It is never a good idea to have a baby with a man unless you can be sure that he 100% wants a DC.

Cherry35 · 25/04/2022 09:27

Time is everything on fertility. Don't waste time on a man that can't committ.

On one side 1 year may not be long enough to be with someone and have a child but it is enough to know if you love a person and want to marry. He's not in rush because already has 2 kids but for you this time is crucial.

Put the cards on the table, talk to him and explain. Having a child could take anything from 1 month to years. However, before this conversation you have to be ready to let him go in he doesn't want the same as you.

Graceybaby · 25/04/2022 13:20

Time is definitely not an issue if you are both on the same page... I've bought a house, got engaged and now 5 weeks pregnant all in the space of a year and a half!..

The problem is the fact that if his not ready then his not ready.. You cant pressure him into this, the last thing you want is a reluctant partner.. but if you are on the same page and the love between you is genuine then you should discuss it and make a compromise that suits you both..

I hope things work out for you x

Stade197 · 25/04/2022 13:59

Tracy245 · 22/04/2022 21:56

You both really need a good conversation about this, don't let him just refuse to even speak about this as it is such a big deal and he needs to listen to your concerns.

I understand why you don't want to wait and he doesn't want to do it now but could you compromise and meet in the middle somewhere? Say try in 5-6 months so it gives you guys time to move and get settled in with your home & new jobs etc

Flip