The most useful thing you can do when TTC...

[HedgehogToes]

I've been TTC for 3ish years, well, officially trying for 2 and a half, but 'not trying not preventing for 6-12 months prior to that (4 losses during that time).

Genuinely the most helpful thing I've don't for myself is noticing what my body does before the fertile window.

I used to spend hours googling everything, every imagined symptom, every twinge

"Nipples tingling, am I pregnant?"
"10dpo, left ovary cramp, pregnancy"
"The sky is blue, I have a uterus, am I pregnant?"

And it was awful!

Now I've realized that my body produces pregnancy like symptoms all cycle bastard long and I've stopped obsessing, life seems much more pleasant! Even if it is, obviously, also completely shit because long term TTC (especially after loss) is exhausting, draining and soul destroying!

What are your tips?

I needed this today, thank you.
Trying to hold it together at my nephew's 2nd birthday, four months post MC.
Need to stop obsessing in TWW.

I have zero tips because it's all pretty raw at the moment but placeholding for some advice!

So sorry for your losses x

@HedgehogToes @MO22 I'm so sorry for your losses!

I totally agree I think sometimes I have symptoms all cycle long!

I'm pretty raw at this myself been trying for 2.5 years..have never conceived. But I have noticed that setting just one date to do the pregnancy test helps - I used to obsess every other day during the 2WW and that was a rollercoaster of emotions every time seeing the BFN so now I hold out (very difficult but I try) until 1 week after period due date and then test. It has helped me control the emotional saga to some extent. I hope others can add some more tips!

Thanks for this thread!

Making sure I have fun things planned during TWW and when AF is due. Knowing I’ll be sad and preparing for/accepting that. Having nice treats for when it comes (wine, chocolate, nice bath sort of thing).

I tend to look at the month I’m in and think oooh this is a good month for X reason if it takes 3 more months I’ll be having one this time next year! So one more month is nothing. And generally looking at the positives of the next month. There really is something nice about having a birthday in every month.

This may not be the point of this thread but have you gone to a gp/done a fertility mot? I’ve got some dates in my diary of when to do that, just so I feel like I can control something!

I could have written the same. I love tracking cycle symptoms all month long so I manage my expectations when I get sore boobs or cramps.

My tip is… don’t buy pregnancy tests. Don’t have them in the house. If I have them I will test and be disappointed 3 or 4 times rather than just testing once just before my period & have just that one blast of disappointment.

I also prefer the cheaper Clearblue ovulation stick (pink one). My fertility window according to the purple one was 10 days and DTD felt like a chore.

@BiscuitLover3678

This may not be the point of this thread but have you gone to a gp/done a fertility mot? I’ve got some dates in my diary of when to do that, just so I feel like I can control something!

My problem is that I can get pregnant, but I made poorly babies, so two of my losses were a MMC (discovered at 8w, medical management two weeks later) and a chemical at 5w.

But the other two were second trimester TFMRs for babies with severe and unsurvivable spina bifida (21+4 and 15w) So there's very little that can be done for me sadly.

It definitely helps to feel like you're in control of something though, I was a vitamin fiend between my losses! Every supplement going

@MO22

I needed this today, thank you. Trying to hold it together at my nephew's 2nd birthday, four months post MC. Need to stop obsessing in TWW.

I have zero tips because it's all pretty raw at the moment but placeholding for some advice!

So sorry for your losses x

I'm so sorry for your loss and well done to you for even going to the birthday party! You are a warrior for that alone! Xx

ttcisexhausting I agree! Having things planned (and not thinking "I could be xx weeks pregnant by then" ) is definitely a solid tip!

PeachesToday YES! I used to buy cheapie pregnancy tests in bulk, and then do one every day from about CD8. As well as charting BBT and doing OPKs! I still use ovulation tests, but I don't log them anymore. And I don't imput my life into ovia and premom/femometer! In fact I deleted ovia, I'm sick of it patronizingly telling me I look beautiful today!

@HedgehogToes you've made me cry and then laugh (omg the apps and their ridiculous messages, fuck OFF), so thank you again. It sounds like you have been through so much, you warrior. I know it's small words, but so so sorry for your losses again

I went through a phase of buying myself an expensive present Jan/Feb/March post AF but now I am poor (may well be partially due to these gifts lol) so I've had to give that up! But stuff to look forward to post AF is a good one, even just hot baths, chocolate, crying on the sofa like @BiscuitLover3678 says!

2 years, 1 month in. One loss at 11 weeks and f all else going on.

My main tips (some of these directed at keen new people to TTC):
LH rises again towards a period. Stop trying to use OPKs as pregnancy tests. They look like bricks for your stupid hope fortress but are actually made of styrofoam and are liars.
Progesterone causes "early pregnancy" symptoms esp if still in 2WW. Do you have a "pregnancy symptom"? Is your HCG test negative? Then it's a progesterone symptom and means naff all. (Others will disagree "I knew I was preggo at 3dpo!" But confirmation bias is a powerful beastie.
When AF arrives, do fun stuff you cant do pregnant. Drink, eat sushi and raw meat, scuba dive, then get in a hot tub.
It's okay to be salty and bitter. Despite what the (toxic, pop) positive psychology lot suggest, this will not prevent a pregnancy and it's not why you haven't conceived. Being a sunshiney moon goddessy person is not a one way trip to implantation so if you need to revel in misery and darkness, do it.

@TheDaydreamBelievers AMEN. Pre-period symptoms being the same as pregnancy symptoms is the biggest example of gaslighting out there.

I've also been told by fertility docs that binning ovulation strips and sex every other day from the end of your period until your next one comes is the best way to avoid stress. (And that sex every day can be too much for a lot of swimmers.) Peeing in a cup first thing every morning for months and months and months on end is a sure fire way to send yourself loopy.

It's okay to be salty and bitter.

Preach! 🙌

The toxic positively and worse

✨ manifestation ✨which I genuinely consider to be a sweat word! You cannot imagine a healthy pregnancy or baby I to existence wit positive thoughts, it doesn't work! And to suggest otherwise is cruel!

There is a huge difference between having a positive mindset (not this month, maybe next time, let's hope) and the whole "don't let negative thoughts poisen your body" bullshit.

It's ok to be sad, and angry and annoyed, especially when other people get pregnant, seemingly easily, and it hurts your soul.

"Being a sunshiney moon goddessy person is not a one way trip to implantation so if you need to revel in misery and darkness, do it."

@TheDaydreamBelievers the above is like the best thing I've read this year!! 👌🏼 It's super important to remember especially when everyone's criticising you for being negative or gloomy.

Thank you @HedgehogToes @ttcisexhausting @Presently83. I've had everything between casual "have you tried taking a holiday? to relax?" And "stay positive!" To a literal therapist telling me about the law of attraction 🙄.

I am a mental health clinician so well aware this is bollocks. Positivity will not overcome ovaries that don't ovulate (in my case). @HedgehogToes I agree 100% with your distinction. Keeping hope + relaxation / 3rd wave therapies positivity aims to support you/we/us (the person struggling to conceive) and validate our feelings. The way it's often stated in the fertility world as positivity= babytown blames you/we/us and is invalidating.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk 😁🌟

It's nice to read some comments from others that are also in the long-term TTC boat. I used to be quite active on this board but stopped after finding that reading about other people stressing over not conceiving on the first couple of cycles (obv not minimising their experience whatsoever) made me even more stressed/upset over being 3 years in. So that's my top tip for myself, stop reading every thread lol.

I've also stopped buying tests, and to be honest, I actually found taking covid tests quite hard to begin with as I had associated one/two line tests with disappointment/heartbreak and it was almost triggering taking one! Which caused me to realise how unhealthy it is too obsess over tests so much