Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

Original poster

can anyone tell me if im out of order?

20 replies

mad4mybaby · 07/01/2008 19:07

I have ds 18 months and we want another and always have wanted a 2 1/2 ish age gap. We wanted to start ttc from next month. Anyone reading who is going to have a go at my next question, please dont! I need some advice, not abuse.

Now, my problem is i adore my ds soo much. It has been a nightmare and suffered bad pnd but am now ok. I really really really want a daughter and have bought a book with ways to help conceive a girl (yes alot of you will think that is awful i know). If i had a boy im really not sure how i would feel. I dont think i want to have 2 boys and i know i desperately want to have a son AND a daughter. I can not picture me with another boy. Its really worrying me as im already feeling negative about it in case i have another boy. Does this mean im being really selfish and shouldnt have another baby? That id be a really awful mum to another boy and that i wouldnt love it?

OP posts:

goingfor3 · 07/01/2008 19:11

If you really can not bear the thought of having another boy then don't do it. You say you adore your son and the chances are high that you will feel the same about the new baby regardless of the sex.

iMum · 07/01/2008 19:13

Hiya, My dd was still born 7 years ago and I fell preggers about 4 weeks after i gave birth to her, I was so confused about what sex of baby i wanted-I had a boy and adore him-i fell pregnant again 5 years later and had a sexing scan at 15 weeks as i was desperate to know the sex of my baby-again feeling very lost and confused about it all. I had another boy, the day I found out the sex I was very muddled, not disapointed I had another boy but disapointed i didnt have a girl. needless to say that all went out of the window after 5 mins and I adore my little chap to bits.
We bought that book too, and as and when we decide to try again I will not use it. I would rather have a moments dissapointment (and i believe that is all it ever would be) over something i had no control over than to feel cheated and dissapointed if the "choose the sex of your baby book" let me down.

TheGoatofBitterness · 07/01/2008 19:16

i don't think you should ttc until you accept the fact you might have another boy. there are no guarentees no matter how tight your dh's pants or whatever bizarre advice you get in a book about how to have a girl.

you are not a bad person but your pnd has coloured your view of your ds's babyhood. all babies boys and girls are different. i am pretty sure you would love your enxt child whatever.

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 07/01/2008 19:17

imum , im so sorry to hear about your child. That is really sad and makes me think about other peoples situations and how much worse they are than mine. I dont want it taking over me but i guess im being stupid about it

OP posts:

accessorizemybaublessanta · 07/01/2008 19:25

You are not out of order at all - an awful lot of people on here have said similar things and wondered if they could love a boy/girl etc and funnily enough all of them do love their babies in the end. I was pretty upset when I had the 20 week scan and found I was having another boy, I cried for a week. And guess what, I love him to bits Two boys is absolutely fabulous, and I didn't suffer pnd the 2nd time round either. Don't deny you feel the way you do, there's nothing you can do about it, but try to focus on the positive things about the boy you do have rather than obsessing about girls which is only going to make it harder for you if you find out you're having another boy. You obviously love your ds to bits, but I promise you love is not finite - there's enough to go around all your children

accessorizemybaublessanta · 07/01/2008 19:25

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 07/01/2008 19:29

asbs, thank you for saying that! How do you feel now not having a daughter? It makes me feel awful though. We wont be having more than2 (dh will be having snip after number 2 as pact we have made as only want 2 children) so wouldnt try a 3rd time for a girl if number 2 was a boy. I dont know why im obsessing over it?!

OP posts:

DoubleBluff · 07/01/2008 19:34

I have 2 DS's and was desparate for a girl 2nd time around.
Was a bit disappointed when MW announced no2 was a boy but that melted away the moment I held him.
I love having 2 boys. There is a 2.8 age gap btn them and they are great pals.
I still have tweinges where i would love a girl, but I don't want anymore children and teh four of us are all happy as we are.

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 07/01/2008 19:36

doublebluff, how did you feel before you got pgnt with ds2? About which sex you wanted?

OP posts:

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 07/01/2008 19:37

I think you should work through some of your feelings before you start TTC. It sounds quite controlling - you want a certain age gap and sex. Having children isn't like that. I wish you luck.

accessorizemybaublessanta · 07/01/2008 19:41

I have a 3 yr gap exactly (they're now 1 and 4) and it's brilliant, doublebluff isn't it? They are so sweet together.
mad4mybaby, I'm still thinking about no.3 but not because I want a daughter. I would actually like another boy now I did long for a girl both times actually, and couldn't stop thinking about clothes and pink buggies and so forth. A few weeks after the 20 week scan I was happily picking out names - it's completely different thinking about this in theory compared to feeling your little boy kick you. The PND is maybe colouring things for you here I suspect. Perhaps you could focus your energies on ways to avoid it 2nd time round - dp and I were very clear that we'd do anything so it didn't happen again even though I did have some antenatal depression. What can I say - trust that you've loved one little boy, you can love another - the magic of motherhood!

accessorizemybaublessanta · 07/01/2008 19:42

Isn't that what she's doing here, NAB?

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 07/01/2008 19:43

Maybe, but I meant with her partner. Her post asks that we tell her if she is out of order, not how to work through it.

Cosmogirl · 07/01/2008 19:44

M4MB,

I don't think you should feel bad. Of course every child, boy or girl, is a gift, but that fact doesn't stop a person imagining themselves with daughters or sons - some will imagine having one of each. For some reason I always see myself having two daughters - chances are I'll have boys - or maybe none at all.....

Personally I don't believe these books that say you can choose. I've watched a few programmes about couples trying all kinds of techniques to get one particular sex and guess what, none of them worked.

Original poster

mad4mybaby · 07/01/2008 19:48

true cosmogirl. I guess it was me clutching at straws!

NAB, my dh wants a girl ideally but happy either way. He knows how i feel. I wanted viewpoints/experiences of others that have felt/feel how i do

OP posts:

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 07/01/2008 19:49

Well, I hope it all works out for you.

pennlope1 · 07/01/2008 21:06

Hi mad4mybaby i had two boys two years apart[who are totally scrummy even now at 13& 11] but really wanted a girl bought the book got totally obsessed with the timing aspect it took over my life, anyway got pregnant didn't find out what i was having and holly entered our world ended up with PND as i didn't think i deserved a girl .Anyway took me two years to beat the depression my marriage broke down due to other reasons as well .Remarried now to a wonderful man and had dd2 in feb 07 and when ttc her i really didn't mind whether boy/girl!!So my advice would be don't let it take over your life and i am a great believer in what will be will be GOOD LUCK

DoubleBluff · 08/01/2008 18:04

I really wanted a girl with both pregnancies. I am quite girly and having had two younger brothers really wanted some girl company.
With DS2 I really hoped he was a girl, but knew deep down it would be a boy. Feel i am destined to be around boys/men. Work in a male envt!
I am now reconciled to not having a girl and th reasons I wanted a girl were superficial - for the clothes, the hair etc.
Am happy with my lot. Just waiting for DS's to give me lots of grand daughters!!

Trolleydolly71 · 08/01/2008 21:50

Message withdrawn

SazzaK · 09/01/2008 10:13

It's not unusual, I have a girl, would love a boy (I bought a book too but cocked up the timing this month so if I'm pregnant now who knows!!) with a similar gap (DD is 20 mts). But I will love either although I know my husband would love a son at some stage. I am sure you would too. But if you definitely don't want two boys, you should not TTC until you have reconciled yourself to the fact that is what you may get. And it will be wonderful too! You shouldn't TTC without fully accepting you may have a child of either sex, particularly if you feel it could trigger depression. Good luck.

Flip