TTC 1 year+ Rant!

[RoseGold24]

Sorry for the absolute rant, I just need to let off steam and talk to someone who feels the same or who has come out the other side!

I appreciate it's not long compared to some but we've been ttc 13 cycles now and I am just at a point of anger rather than upset anymore. From day 1, I've taken so many vitamins, soy isoflavones etc that I'm rattling. Acupuncture - on it. Alcohol intake isn't perfect but I certainly don't have as many wines of a Friday evening as I would like! Ovulation sticks - again been using Clearblue digital for MONTHS. We can't really try not tracking because my partner works away at times and we need to make sure we get the right days...

I'm 38, my periods are regular, only issue is spotting. My acupuncturist told me to eat less sugar and improve my circulation to address this. Honestly I struggle to give up sugar because it's the only friggin pleasure left when ttc! I hate the thought that I can't have a baby because I eat too much chocolate?? My weight is average (high side of 'normal' bmi. Basic tests are normal for iron, thyroid function, and day 21 suggests that I am ovulating. I drink 2l water and a mug of bone broth every day, plenty of green veg and fruit... I'm out of ideas.

My partner is 43, keeps fit and eats well... we're on a waiting list for a fertility clinic. This month my bbt dropped about 4 days ago and has stayed low, and the spotting continues to limp along. Every month I have the pathetic excitement of "this might be an implantation bleed!" But this month I finally accept it isn't.

If you've read this far thank you. All suggestions/hand holds welcome!

@RoseGold24 I really feel for you but I promise you it's nothing you are doing wrong. I had issues getting pregnant which I blamed myself for my weight my diet etc but it was later found to be due to endometriosis. Once I got that sorted I had my little girl and am pregnant on my 2nd. Ioverweight, I eat too much sugar don't exercise enough I had a healthy pregnancy baby.
Have you seen any fertility specialists to investigate anything underlying that could be hindering a pregnancy.
Please go easy on yourself you're doing great it's just a hard road for some of us x

Sorry I just saw you are on a list for fertility treatment. This will help loads.... Best of luck xxx

Ah thanks for replying @Katiekat84 ☺️I sometimes wonder if I have endometriosis, my periods are very heavy and really mess up my digestion but I don't really struggle with pain. Your message has helped, congrats on your healthy baby xx

I always had spotting and heavy periods which impacted my digestion (diarrhea etc) however i did have significant pain too. The clinic will check you out properly and if it's endo they will suggest a protocol to treat that. Sending you all the best wishes and hoping you get your BFP really soon x

Thanks @Katiekat84 do you mind me asking you what your treatment was? So delighted for you being pregnant with your second!

It took me 15 cycles to conceive my first so I feel your pain. We eventually discovered that my husband has very low sperm motility...

However! From December we’ve been trying for our second and have been pregnant twice (chemical at 4 weeks and MMC at 9 weeks) which was astounding to us as, as far as we know, my husband’s issues are still present.

We realised that I could have also had an issue that no one mentioned.

How is your CM? Do you get EWCM? I ask as I had never got any ever but when IVF was on the cards when we were trying to conceive our first I started taking red clover and evening primrose oil and suddenly had bags of EWCM. Within two months of taking it we got pregnant with our son and I’ve been doing it again with this attempt.

Worth a shot if you don’t take it already :)

@RoseGold24 I completely understand. We're on 14 months and 15 cycles. Both healthy weight, exercise regularly, eat fresh homemade meals, take vitamins... ive even seen a nutritionist. I've seen a specialist and had all the tests and they said everything is perfect with both of us, so it's very frustrating. We're going onto monitored cycles with clomid or letrozole when next AF arrives and we'll do that for 4-6 months, then onto IVF. I'm spending an absolute fortune on everything and I'm so envious of people who have it happen easily. I still feel very down every now and then. It's even harder when you're SO ready - house, jobs etc all sorted but nothing will happen 😢

Im with you OP, it's the worst.
I've just made my first ever post today too! As I'm now cycle 21 and 4 days from AF.
All the vitamins, taken at all different times or day.
I'm 38 too and eat healthy, do yoga but same as on the end of the healthly BMI scale last time I checked.
This month I've cut out sugars apart from some fruit, and refined carbs and caffiene is one coffee a day now and it does feel better.
The magnesium oil I think it's what's helping my sleep and I'm hoping that this month... Maybe?
I posted my BBT chart in conception today. I don't feel I can do any more and it feels so now or never I can't help getting worried

Hi @TheBirdintheCave that's so interesting about the EWCM! Mine is variable tbh. I do take EPO but I'm actually a bit up and down with taking it as I think you stop it just before ovulation? Then I sometimes forget to start taking it again. Lovely to hear that you've been able to get pregnant naturally but I'm so sorry for your losses and I hope your sticky bean is on its way xx

@BritInNZ I'm so sorry that this is unexplained for you 😔 I can only imagine how much it hurts when you have your house ready to go, we've sort of been holding off on that, still in a teeny flat until I'm pregnant which then makes me worry that I'm not manifesting! How can I have a baby if there's no place for him/her to live yet!!

@BritInNZ Keeping my fingers crossed for your Clomid/Letrizole cycles xx

@PennyPencils ah I could have written this post too! Haven't had caffeine for months and I go to yoga every week. Every week I'm spending money on a new thing that worked for someone else once upon a time. So frustrating and I take it as a personal insult when someone I know has a baby 🤣Which I know isn't fair but I can't help it! Have you had any tests? I'm on the NHS waiting list but tempted to go for a private scan, just so I know if there's anything I need to deal with.

@RoseGold24 I've only been scanned at the gynea so far and he excitedly told me I was fertile.
We mentioned to the GP and he said come back at two years no luck.
We going back if not successful this month. I can't wait any longer.
I've also really had no alcohol this cycle when usually I have a bit but take it easy but occasionally have a maybe more than I should for ttc. But it has been a long time.
10dpo now. This is the most anxious .longest fee days of every month.

@PennyPencils yeah it's the worst bit isn't it. I'm on 12dpo, period was due today but I've been spotting for 5 days. I know I'm out because temp dropped 5 days ago and stayed down for a few more days. I stopped temping after that. It's nice that the person who scanned you was excited to announce you were fertile but really really crap when it has translated into nothing.

@PennyPencils just looking back on your post and you have done so much- no alcohol, no sugars, no caffeine, you've been a model mum to be! It hurts to go through effort when most people don't seem to have to think about it.

@RoseGold24 there's been plenty of months when there's been lots of alcohol, caffine and sugar but I've been reducing these more over the last few months and this month, I've just been as strict as I can. Not sure if I can keep that up going forward though if I'm not pregnant this cycle.
Well. We'll see.

Yeah it feels hard to maintain. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! I have booked a private fertility scan. Seems a bit cheap so I'm slightly suspicious haha. I'm not flush by any means but this might answer some questions. If I have endometriosis or something else structural we certainly wont be able to afford private treatment so it'll be back to good old NHS waiting 🤣

@PennyPencils ⬇️forgot to tag whoops

@RoseGold24 can't blame you, even if to rule it out, it's not not bad idea to get the scan.
I've wondered if I have endometriosis as they have been so painful in the past but actually the past few months have become lighter and shorter. I'm frightened I'm going to hit menopause before I conceive at this rate!

@PennyPencils I'm the same, feels like a race against time! I get so mad at myself but I just wasn't ready before. I didn't see myself being a mum when I was in my 20s. Regret it now!

@RoseGold24 it'll happen. A while ago I got my head around the fact we might have to do IVF and just felt determined to not give up until we'd tried everything.
I also try to tell myself if we can't, we have a lovely life and are very lucky and I spend a lot of time with my little neices so get to do all sorts of cute things with them. (It's not the same is it of course, but I try and have a word with myself)
I had my daughter in my early twenties. Unplanned, then was very soon a single mother. It was tough. Now I have a lovely partner and we have a good life and are set up to do this but maybe I'm just too old. Can't help but feel sad about it if we can't.
Am very grateful for my child though. She's everything to me but I don't want her to be alone when we aren't here

@PennyPencils you're right I do have a lot of other things to be grateful for. But no harm in trying everything else first!

@RoseGold24 absolutely! ❤️

Been ttc for 14 months! Really irregular cycles makes it so difficult! Have tried lots of vitamins, ovusense, SMEP (3 cycles) it’s exhausting and so disheartening when it doesn’t work!

@Peonies94 it's heartbreaking isn't it! Have you been to the doctor?