Can someone help me unpick my many emotions

[bennyandthejetz]

I really don't know what I'm after, I just need to get this all down and need a proverbial wobble of the head to sort me out!

Just starting to TTC #2. #1 we conceived first time, absolutely amazing. I've been torturing myself that as we were so lucky first time it's going to be difficult this time.

I'm still breastfeeding DS 16months. Periods all over the place. I'm CD21 and still no sign of ovulation this month (using OPKs obsessively). It's soul destroying and it's only the first bloody month. How people do this for years is absolutely beyond me, and I'm so sorry for anyone who has struggled to conceive.

I've had four periods over the last four months but cycle is varying in length each time.

My DHsays I'm already putting way too much pressure on it and I'm to stop discussing my concerns and just 'see what happens'.

On top of this I also feel guilty every time I look at my gorgeous baby for wanting another/am I going to ruin his life - is this normal to feel this way?

It's like I want this so much, but worry it isn't going to happen and if it does happen, at what cost?

I hate the unknown of it all. Never had this first time round as we sort of just tried on a whim (very lucky to have worked I know).

Doesn't help that I've had several friends deal with miscarriage recently which has been so terribly sad and really brought it home that it can happen to anyone.

Any tips for me to stay calm, not feel guilty or worried, or even to conceive are greatly welcomed!

I just feel very emotional, it's consuming me!

Aw, I hope you’re feeling a bit better for getting the jumble of feelings off your chest.

I really do think it increases your chances of conceiving if you can be as relaxed as possible. I’ve found that I’ve conceived straight after a holiday, on two occasions.

It’s so hard because the more you want it, the more it seems to get further away from you but maybe try hubby’s approach and don’t track ovulation, try to enjoy the baby you have, keep breastfeeding for as long as you both want, DTD when the mood takes you and try to let faith and nature take care of the rest? Maybe just try that way for a little bit?

Sometimes there’s more power in letting go. By that I don’t mean giving up obviously. I just mean in trying to go with the flow.

I’ve just got a BFP for baby number 2 and it was straight after an abroad holiday with sun(!!) and without us particularly making a huge effort to conceive this month. I think because i was a bit in two minds as to whether I wanted to conceive because of my wonderful bond with my 20 month old son (btw I’m still breastfeeding but just twice a day), I think that’s why it’s happened. We’re thrilled to bits but it’s very early days so fingers crossed it’s a sticky one!

Just because you conceived quickly 1st time doesn’t mean this time will take ages and I think the fact that your periods are regularly back is very positive. I don’t think it matters if the cycle length isn’t consistent. I wouldn’t track ovulation. I think it’s mega stressful. Be kind to yourself