When do you tell people?

[Graceybaby]

So I saw an interesting post on Instagram over the weekend that really got me thinking, it was about how women should not feel the need to wait until they're 12 weeks before telling people they are pregnant and that we should not encourage the 'stigma' of when you reach 12 weeks you're 'safe' from MC..she felt by not telling people before 12 weeks 'incase of MC' was making MCs more of a taboo subject ?
I guess the person who posted this post was basically saying that she wanted every pregnancy to be known about and recognized even if that pregnancy results in a MC.
It got me thinking about how I would deal with it this time (if and when I get pregnant) With my first pregnancy I waited until 12 weeks to tell anyone and looking back now I don't know why I did? Had I just been conditioned into thinking that's what people did?
I think this time round I will be telling my v.close family a lot sooner!

What love to hear other people's thoughts and experiences?

I waited until after the 12 wk scan to check everything was ok.

I think I'd tell close friends and family when I find out, I think some newly pregnant mums may be slightly naive in thinking everything will be fine after the 12 week scan. The 12 week scan is when they do the combined test if you want it and that could take a week to come back with results that lead you to having more tests like the NIPT etc so not to burst anyone's bubble but if you want to wait til you get the all clear then don't tell after the first good scan!

With my all my pregnancies I told close friends and family as soon as I found out. My reasoning was that if something went wrong (I’ve had two children but 3 MC) then they’re there to support me. I’ll do the same this time, I’m contracted to tell my work the second I find out as need to come off front line…..juried out on that one though as I don’t want to leave front line

I will definitely tell close friends and family after my first missed AF. I’ll want their support and excitement! I think keeping quiet for 12 weeks would be a bit isolating whereas I want to ask if xyz is normal.

I’ll tell work after the later scan. Maybe 18 weeks unless symptoms are super strong.

I don’t get the wait until 12weeks thing. There’s never a safe time, a baby can die at any stage and support is always needed regardless. I tell friends and family before 12weeks so that if something happens they can support me and I'm not hiding away with a big secret.

I had an ectopic and lost my tube at 5weeks 2years ago. It was unplanned and I hadn’t told anyone. I had to tell family and friends on one sitting that I was pregnant, it was ectopic, it ruptured and I’ve lost a tube… it was awful. Most people at work knew as news travels fast plus I’m in maternity and I was looked after by people I knew

I’ve only ever had miscarriages between 16-19 weeks so waiting till 12 seems like telling very early to me.

If the aim is not to have to share the info, that is.

I think you should tell people whenever you feel ready and comfortable. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer and I don’t think there should be a set time.

Unfortunately things can happen and although MC may be more likely in earlier pregnancy they can happen after 12 weeks too. It’s sad at any stage of pregnancy losing your baby. I think if you’re someone who would rather not have to speak about it or tell people you’re not pregnant anymore if you do suffer a loss then perhaps waiting is the best for you but some people may want to share their news and then be able to also openly talk about their loss and should be able to at any stage whether it be week 1 or week 12 or later.

Whenever feels right for the individual is the right time in my opinion.

Wishing everyone healthy happy pregnancies

I've done it different every time.
My first one we told our families. It ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks.
The 2nd one we decided not to tell anyone and I had an ectopic at about 6 weeks. We told family at that point. But, as well intentioned as everyone was being, constantly keeping everyone up to date with what was happening was tiresome and the last thing I needed.
The 3rd time I didn't even realise I was pregnant until I was miscarrying at about 8 weeks (I had gone back on contraceptive so no missed period or obvious sign). Only told my parents.
The 4th time I fell pregnant straight after my 3rd. Didn't tell a soul. Miscarried at 6 weeks.
The 5th time I shouted it from the rooftops from the moment I found out. I figured I would try and enjoy this one as long as I could. I was also sick and tired of putting on a face. I now have a beautiful boy.

The not telling, for me, was about self preservation. I could not have faced telling everyone I know every time I was miscarrying in real time. I needed to be able to recover and get strong enough to talk about it.
By the 5th time I was an emotional wreck so was in a fuck it phase 😂 thankfully it worked out ok.

I tell close family and friends that I’m seeing when first find out. Like others have said, I also want to be able to say I have a miscarriage and not hide it. I might not talk to everyone just because I don’t want all the fuss. Then slowly it would become obvious anyway.

I waited until after the 20wk scans with mine (after previous miscarriages), and I think that suited me best. I prefer the option of telling people about miscarriages when I’m ready, so I think it’s easier if people don’t know your’re pregnant as you don’t have to answer the constant questions.

On MN nobody tells friends and family, it has to be “announced .”

Yeah looking back now (my son's now five) it is possibly one of my regrets that I didn't tell close friends/family sooner, I feel like I missed out on that early support and excitement. I was very fortunate that I had a very healthy pregnancy with no issues but as some of you have said if something had have gone wrong I would have wanted to be able to share that heartache and have that support from those closest to me.

Who here's is open with family/friends about TTC? Do they know your trying? Me and OH haven't told anyone, I don't think I like the idea of people wondering and waiting on news of a BFP. I have had moment when I've thought about telling my mum but I don't want to feel like I will have to keep giving her disappointing updates if it doesn't happen etc..

In my first pregnancy obviously are lips were sealed until 12 weeks so I definitely feel like I will do things so differently this time round.

@Graceybaby

Yeah looking back now (my son's now five) it is possibly one of my regrets that I didn't tell close friends/family sooner, I feel like I missed out on that early support and excitement. I was very fortunate that I had a very healthy pregnancy with no issues but as some of you have said if something had have gone wrong I would have wanted to be able to share that heartache and have that support from those closest to me.

Who here's is open with family/friends about TTC? Do they know your trying? Me and OH haven't told anyone, I don't think I like the idea of people wondering and waiting on news of a BFP. I have had moment when I've thought about telling my mum but I don't want to feel like I will have to keep giving her disappointing updates if it doesn't happen etc..

In my first pregnancy obviously are lips were sealed until 12 weeks so I definitely feel like I will do things so differently this time round.

I’ve told a few friends who I see every few months or so and I know they’ve taken a while to conceive, but not those who live close by and I see most days. That’s only because I don’t want loads of questions and to make a fuss, but tbh if they asked I would say.

I don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of and good to normalise that it can take a while.

My best friends and mum know we’re TTC. I’m finding it great for my mental health to be able to talk about it openly.