Would you start trying now?

[CRbear]

I’ve been with my partner for 18 months. We’ve discussed marriage and he wants to propose so I’m waiting for him to do that. I know how MN feels about this and I’d rather it didn’t descend into a discussion about the rights and wrongs of this! Ideally I’d like to be married before we have a baby however financially I’m in the stronger position so no danger there.

I have PCOS. I came off contraception (the coil) on 30/11 and have had one period since. I confirmed ovulation before that period but obviously I’m not ovulating regularly. I’m on myoinositol to try and help with this. Originally I came off contraception to attempt to regulate my period in anticipation of trying March 2023 (when I turn 33)- this was based on the length of our relationship, giving us time to get married and for me to settle into a new job. I’ve been in the job since October 2021- I’m eligible for mat pay etc already.

The dilemma is a switch has flicked. I really want a family. I’m worried about my lack of ovulation. I find myself thinking that I should discuss with my partner whether he would be up for us stopping using contraception and seeing what happens. We’d then be in a position to seek help come the March 2023 “deadline” when we likely hadn’t talked pregnant after a year? The chances of me falling pregnant and not miscarrying (increased chance with PCOS) seem so low that it feels mad to wait for an arbitrary time? But I do feel weird about things like I haven’t been in my job long, about spending money on a wedding when I possibly couldn’t drink (if I was lucky enough to fall pregnant) etc. However the other side of me feels like it would be a miracle so how could I be sad about those things if it happened?

What would you do in my situation?

PCOS can impact fertility but it's not a given that you'll have issues. There's a woman on Teen Mom who has PCOS and who's managed to fall pregnant 3 times without trying to.

There's a great book called the period repair manual which can include some dietary support for PCOS. My friend did it after getting married and having diagnosed endometriosis and PCOS and she fell pregnant within 3 months of trying ... twice.

So with that in mind, spend some time learning your cycle and working on treatment to ease your symptoms and get married.

If you want to get married do that first. The paperwork is easier, the day is nicer and you can have a better honeymoon.

I'd also start a wedding / baby saving fund.

That’s good advice. And a good reminder. I do know it’s not always doom and gloom but the lack of ovulation is concerning. I’ll have a look at the period repair manual! I agree the day will be nicer and I hadn’t realised the paperwork is simpler!
We’ve got money saved, money isn’t an issue luckily.

I wouldn’t be put off by not being able to drink at a wedding, that’s nonsensical. What’s holding up a proposal?

Honestly I’d relax and make sure you’re as healthy as possible - good diet, plenty of exercise, multivitamins etc.

I don’t know - an extremely expensive party I can’t fully enjoy just sounds a bit of a shame! I’m not even a big drinker but being surrounded by people enjoying my hospitality when I can’t just sounds a bit crap haha. It probably is a bit silly but the thought is there!

I’m not sure anything is holding it up- he just hasn’t done it yet.

I’m on folic acid, iron and a multivitamin already and I do excercise regularly but I’m sure I could improve it more. Focussing on being in great shape might be a gout outlet for my “I want a baby” thoughts/ energies in fact!

Keep adding to those savings. The more you have the more choices you get too lol.

I'd stop taking folic acid now. Don't take it until you actually start trying. There's a bit of evidence that having over a long period of time can increase the chance of tongue tie. You really don't need it until you actually start trying.

If you're not married when you have a baby dad has to be present at the appointment to register baby if they want to be on the birth certificate. They don't have to be if married. Also if you marry after baby is born you should re register baby. Neither are huge issues, but it saves you a bit of paperwork if you're married first.

Focus on wedding, getting fit and saving money.

Hi all,

Thought I’d update- my partner and I are now engaged and will be getting married very soon and starting TTC after that.

The period repair manual was an absolute game changer for me - thank you for the recommendation @Twizbe ! I feel so much more empowered for the knowledge from it. I’m now having 60 day cycles and ovulating each time as far as I can tell (positive OPK followed by temp rise sustained until my period). I figure that’s 5 chances a year so as long as that’s the only thing wrong theoretically we should get pregnant naturally within 2 years or so (if “normal people” get 12 chances / ovulations a year).

I feel so much better for having “data” and for actively doing things to improve our chances. If anyone in a similar position finds this thread I highly recommend the strategy!

Congratulations on your engagement :)

Also I'm glad the book helped. I found it so useful for bridging the gap before I had my ablation. I've kept it for my daughter so we can work on her hormonal health from day one.