How do you decide when to quit trying?

[babynothappening]

Looking for some advice about TTC.

im 37, almost 38 and am very lucky to have two lovely DC (3 and 5)

We have been trying for no. 3 now for nearly 18months with one early MC in Sept.

After another BFN this morning im feeling so down and dejected.

When and how do you make peace with accepting that we wont have a third? do we just pick a date to stop trying?

I really didnt want a big age gap but now we're looking at 4 and 6yrs between them and i worry that they'll be too far apart stage wise. Atm my two can go to soft play, enjoy the same films etc etc.

aw im so sad today.

i know im very lucky to have what i do but i had it in my head we would be a family of 5.

any advice?

Slightly different as I was having fertility treatment I set a limit of 6 rounds of ivf and a max 5 year age gap from my first. I actually conceived on my last cycle two months before my 5 year age gap. For me it was being able to put that part of my life in a box and get on with my life with or without a second child.

I can't offer any advice on when to stop I'm afraid as I really think it's different for each person, however I just wanted to share that I'm one of three, with a 4 and a 6 year age gap and we all get on fantasticically. I'm the eldest and I think I quite enjoyed "mothering" my youngest sister a bit growing up and I can honestly say the age gap doesn't play any role in how close we were then or are now. X

it’s v hard whatever the circumstances. I keep extending my own mental deadline and I honestly don’t know when I’ll admit defeat…

that's fantastic @clock

so glad it worked out for you.

@mumma thank you for that . i do often think im just being ridiculous with my time scales and reasons.

thats very reassuring to hear.

id just had it in my head id have two years between and now il be double that. just need to stop fixating on it i suppose.

i wish you well @piglet

hopefully this year for us both

I know how you feel @babynothappening
We've been trying for a second since June 2018. Even if we conceived now the gap would be almost 7 years. It's heartbreaking. I hope this is your year.

aw im sorry @little. its so hard.

i also feel bad for complaining as i know how lucky i am to have 2 already.

i wish you all the best

In regard to a 6 year age gap, that's what I have with my two children and they get on so well.

That said, no matter the gap there will be different challenges no matter what.

As for knowing when to stop trying, I can't advise. We always wanted 3 but having had 2 difficult pregnancies (1 was a 9 week early birth and the other was a very long labour, c section then a blood transfusion) and was advised by the docs not to have anymore. I was crushed but have come to terms with it.

I hope you manage to make a decision that's right for your family

thanks @imamum

i know im being silly with the age gap thing, need to give my head a wobble.

We have been TTC number 1 for 2 years. I will likely keep going until I run out of time (age wise) or money (if NHS fertility treatment fails)

@daydream thanks for your reply. i appreciate that its completely different as i am already blessed to have DC.

I wish you all the best and hope this is your year

I appreciate you aren’t entitled to any NHS fertility treatment as you have children but would you want to ask your GP about investigations? In case there’s a diagnosable cause, might help you to know that when making decisions. Also I got pregnant very quickly after the HSG with my first, it’s a test to see if tubes are patent, they basically flushed them through with dye and take X-rays. I figured maybe they just needed a spring clean and apparently it’s quite common to get pregnant after this.

@aspid

thank you for your reply

my OH had sperm analysis last month and everything was good.

was your treatment on NHS or private?