Baby with no support system, abroad and with Aspergers

[Nisse23]

I’m 30, originally from England, but now live abroad in another European country. I’ve been with my partner for 8 years and we’re very happy together. I’ve also been told I have suspected Aspergers/high-functioning autism by two professionals here, so please take that into account with what I’m saying below. I can’t get a formal diagnosis though, because they can’t do the tests in English (tried privately too, same result).

We’d like to start trying for a baby, but one thing keeps worrying me. I have no support system. My partner would be the only person I’d have to tell about the pregnancy, the birth and who’d be there to help me navigate the health system here. It makes me feel kind of lonely.

I don’t have a good relationship with my family, and I haven’t been able to make any friends since I moved here (combination of Scandinavian unfriendliness and Covid curtailing all my attempts to meet people until recently). If I get pregnant, my partner would be the only person I’d have to share the news with.

I’m generally very comfortable with my own company, and I have hobbies, interests and a little pet dog that keep me happy and busy. But I’ve heard how important it is to have a robust support network around you when pregnant and after birth, and I know I won’t. I do hope I can perhaps find other mums-to-be in a pregnancy group, but I can be a bit introverted around new people and always worry I’m annoying them and being an inconvenience if they need to switch to English (still learning the language here).

I’m also a bit scared about navigating the health and childbirth systems in this country. A lot of it is in the language (I can read it pretty well, but the really technical info is tricky) and I don’t want to be that annoying foreigner to the nurses and midwives. I also would like to have a C-section for many reasons (some tied to the possible autism), but the natural birth movement is huge here, so I’m not necessarily entitled to one, even though I know it would make me a lot less stressed about the birthing experience.

Has anyone else here managed this kind of situation successfully? I feel so excited for the next stage of my life, but also so overwhelmingly sad and alone

I’m 34 and just about to have my first baby, whilst a different situation to yours we had a lot going on that I was worried about so before ttc I wrote a list of my concerns and what I was going to do about them and then worked 1 by 1 on the main things (home renovation, savings, dog training) so we were in a better position. I had to wait a bit longer to ttc than I may have liked but I’m much happier now the things I was concerned about are sorted. Could you spend sometime working on learning the language more and socialising now covid restrictions are decreasing before ttc? Also can you get some information on the health care systems so you understand what will need navigating before you have to navigate it? Can you feasibly pay for a c section if denied one via the healthcare system and save for that just in case?