So..... Is it really bad of me to use a pair of hold-ups to encourage DH to impregnate me when he does not want another child or should be responsible for his willy and abstain....?

[wimpydisguise]

He knows I am desperately wanting another and am 'wide open', so to speak.
I am taking no precautions, and neither did he once I had slipped into something more comfortable last night.

He's a grown man, and her dh, so as long as he's aware that she's not on any contraceptive, then I don't think she's doing anything wrong.

thanks anniemac, that has made it clearer.

i think my views are such becuase i am pg with db3 who dp said no to for about 18mths, after finally agreeing we could ttc he is very happy i am pg(26 weeks), and i know that if i had had an 'accident' he may very well have left me for forcing him into being a parent, in his eyes. (we have talked about it alot, this is his view).

Express consent works for me.

I know however other men that want babies but are too scared to offically ttc - they just prefer it FP said, and thats ok too.

i just hate it when i hear of women making men have babies they had no idea they were ttc, or indeed that the woman had stopped contraceptives without informing the partner.

Not a personal thing aimed at anyone, just my views.

having said that, I would never be in that situation, because my dh would simply go out and buy some condoms.

Honestly, he does know the score.
I had my coil removed as it causing me a lot of pain (it had moved), I gained a lot of weight rapidly and got quite spotty. (The weight is why hold-ups are better for me! I find hold ups more comfy!)
Anyway, forget the bloody hold ups here!
Right, so when I got back from the Docs, I called him, as he had requested, to tell him it had all been okay, didn't hurt etc.
He then said if the coil was out we should start having regular sex. I was thrilled. dug hold ups out
He then starting giving me the cold shoulder and avoided sex like the plague saying 'No more babies' in a silly whiny comic voice.
I left it and pryed a bit more. He says he feels he cannot cope with the children we have. I think he does very well. (2 children)
New years eve, we had sex. He said he was not worried about me getting pregnant but did not say he wanted me to get pregnant either.
The next incident was the hold up incident.

That is the whole story, from the start.

I would never trick him into getting me pregnant by saying I was on the pill or anything nuts like that, neither would I get him blotto then have sex with him. He had had a couple of drinks on NYE but was far from drunk, far from tipsy even, though if I do fall, I guess he could claim he was drunk but I honestly don't think he is that nasty.

Thanks for all comments so far and sorry I have not been back till now, it is difficult to keep up with other threads when namechanging!

I'm not saying anyone's DH has had the snip behind their backs (it's a moderately common plotline in chicklit, though, one of the ways to indicate that This ONe's the Bad Guy).
Though frankly I would be horrified if it were true that a wife had to consent (legally) to her husband having the snip! That's like saying your husband or even your father has to consent to you having a coil/nose job/termination and would be a total violation of human rights in my book.

Sorry if that's just a bit off-topic and hope that the OP and her partner have a happy conclusion and all that.

I think he is being confusing. I don't think you are doing anything wrong at all.

I do think you need to have words with him about whether he is up for another child or not.

I agree that some men are afraid to commit/admit to TTC and prefer it sprung on them, when they have not exactly been careful, but some are actually really awful if they have it 'sprung' on them and even if it isn't and they have agreed to more babies.

I had one baby with a man who agreed to a baby, and then changed his mind/freaked out and used the fact that I wanted to keep it, to be really nasty and controlling toward me on the grounds that he was doing me a favour letting me keep it. I binned him in the end of course but the baby was lovely . This was my failed attempt to get it right, following the previous disastrous set up:

I had my other (before this) in altogether more shady circumstances - he definitely didn't want any, and was using me, and was drunk every time he slept with me, and often took risks, and one night I didn't take proper precautions and he didn't ask me to. He was furious and insisted it was my fault but I kept the baby and he stuck around on and off, still using me.
It was a ridiculous 'relationship' as neither of us was honest with the other, we both wanted different things, and the baby I had is now a child who has never known his father, which is just bloody awful and I live with the guilt every day. I was very stupid in those days.

Do be careful before entering into a situation where you are not perfectly clear with each other, as it could create a lot of problems.

Your hubby sounds a little like mine. I broached the subject of TTC a 3rd baby in the summer and he said "not yet" and I was disappointed but let it be thinking I would have another chat with him after xmas. Then in November he suddenly decided he does not like condoms and wanted to use withdrawal instead. I was very suprised and made him very aware of the fact that I have not used any precautions other than adstaining or condoms since we got pregnant with ds1. I also made him aware of the failure rates of withdrawl. He was happy to go ahead and said that as much as he is not ready to actively TTC, if a baby should come along, it will be a blessing and obviously meant to be. I am secretly thrilled and hoping that 3rd months a charm!

Like the others have said, I think your dh is being a little confusing. If he REALLY does not want more children, he needs to take responsibility for himself I think. It could just be that like my dh he does not want to actively plan and TTC and just wants to have some fun? I don't think you are doing anything wrong but agree that you should try and be on the same page, and make sure that he won't feel "trapped" should you fall pregnant.

Good luck either way!