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Conception

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Original poster

Scared of regretting abortion...

6 replies

nj556 · 23/02/2022 15:16

I’m 19 and recently found out I’m around 6 weeks pregnant despite being on the pill. This came as a huge shock to me and I don’t know how to move forward. Before finding out I was convinced I would always have an abortion in this situation if it happened but my head is all over the place.

I am on a leave of absence from university, I’m due to change course and go back in September to study occupational therapy and I am really excited for this. I’m working in the meantime but my contract ends at the end of April and no guarantee that this would be extended so have no job security.
My boyfriend is second year at uni, we have a stable relationship and live together.

We both want this a few years down the line and wish it was happening then. I have booked a consultation for an abortion but don’t know if I can go through with it as part of me wants this, I just have no idea where to start. I don’t know how we’ll afford to support ourselves + baby just off of my boyfriends student loan as I don’t have any promised work and I wouldn’t be able to go back to uni. We’d also potentially need to find somewhere new to live as our student landlord would probably not let us stay here. It may just not be the right time and I want to accept that and go back to uni & try again in the future, but I can’t shake the feeling that I may regret having an abortion as it just makes me so sad to think about. I am barely able to stop crying when talking about it. I know that I could also potentially regret having a child though if it stops me or my boyfriend from finishing uni etc & I don't think it's fair to bring a child into that situation. I'm just so torn.

Any advice? Either regarding how to make the choice or how to support ourselves if we did decide to continue…

OP posts:

irishfarmer · 23/02/2022 15:25

There really is no one that can make this decision for you. I had always said the same if I got pregnant in Uni I would have an abortion, but that never happened so I never had to make the decision. I know women that did and I have a friend who didn't but she got pregnant with 1 year of uni to go and between her parents and her bf's parents she was able to finish uni. Although it was difficult!

So you are 6 weeks, that puts the baby due in September.

What does your boyfriend think? Will he be supportive? How many years is his degree? Will he be going into his final year this Sept, then hopefully onto a better job? That could enable you to go onto uni in Sept 2023 when ye can afford childcare.

But that may not happen. I don't envy you the decision.

Most importantly, what do you want? You unfortunately cannot know what you will/ won't regret until after the decision some times. You don't have to make any decision right away. What is the cut off time of an abortion? It's 12 weeks here, so you probably have a bit of time to think.

Do you have a friend/ sister IRL who you could confide in?

NrlySp · 23/02/2022 15:25

I do know of help out there for parents who are struggling with the costs of a baby www.goodcounselnet.co.uk/
Can you speak to your parents or a friend for real life support. Many women’s have jobs and babies so it is possible. I hope your partner is supportive towards you.

Charl881 · 23/02/2022 20:38

I had an abortion when I was 21. It wasn’t the right time for me and I wasn’t with the right person so slightly different circumstances to you. But I have never ever regretted it even though I was worried I would at the time.

That’s not to say that you should make the same decision, you have to do what is right for you and talking to someone might definitely help.

But just to reassure you that so many women have abortions and don’t regret them (and also go on to have a family when the time is right).

It’s such a difficult situation to be in and I know the anguish you are feeling. Xx

SprigofSage · 23/02/2022 22:57

Hi OP, so sorry you're having to make these tough decisions. I think you should seriously look in to the kind of help and support you can get while at university with a child. I remember distinctly my university having a free crèche for example!

I don't think you're at all silly to consider having the baby, but it is also perfectly reasonable not to have it.

I have to say that I think if both your families will support you in your decisions then you can probably make it work, I think that's more important than the 'practicalities' because essentially even if it's difficult, when something has to be done you just find a way.

But, it will be so incredibly miserable if you don't have family support.

My other piece of advice is that if you decide to end the pregnancy, give yourself a huge, huge amount of love and care because even if you know you've done the right thing it can be extremely emotional. Take them up on all the free counselling and let yourself grieve - it's okay to grieve even if you know it was the right thing to do.

I have actually been in a similar situation myself and that's my best advice.

madeleine85 · 24/02/2022 00:47

OP, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Sending virtual hugs your way. If I had been in your situation I would have terminated and hopefully been ok about it with counselling and support from friends/my other half. Pregnancy is the hardest thing I have ever done, and that is with a steady career, being in my mid 30s having money saved to fall back on, and being married to a devoted man. Some people have children at your age and make wonderful parents, but I look back at late teenage me and even 20s me, and know now that I changed so much in the next 10 years, and I was a child/didn't know myself then. In my 30s I was barely ready for children, let alone years before that. Only you can make that decision for yourself, but I hope you find the support however you decide to go. There are many misconceptions about abortions affecting future fertility. I had an unexpected mid 30s pregnancy, and we discussed the option with our doctor who said that if we successfully conceived once, it would very likely happen again when we were ready. Please don't think that this is your one shot x

Original poster

nj556 · 17/03/2022 11:15

@nj556

Any advice? Either regarding how to make the choice or how to support ourselves if we did decide to continue…

I just wanted to come back here with an update in case anyone was reading this looking for advice themselves.

After the initial shock had worn away we both talked a lot and gave it time & decided that we did want to keep the baby. Obviously there were practical issues to sort out and since posting, we've both transferred unis, found a place to live closer to home to be supported, started to set ourselves up financially & i am taking a year out of uni (with the possibility to be extended) so i can go back whenever i feel ready.

We're both really happy and I know that it isn't so easy for everyone but just wanted to share a bit of hope that things can be sorted if it's what you really want ❤️

OP posts:

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