4 months TTC…partner has now changed his mind due to my depression

[Rosestarz]

Me and my partner have been together over a year (we are both near 30) but 4 months ago we made the decision for me to come off the implant.
It was effecting my periods, mental health and we had spoken since very early on about TTC.
Ever since the start of the relationship he’s been aware about my depression and how I’d given up a baby in the past due to an abusive relationship.
He was really keen for a family and we both seemed very excited to start TTC. We didn’t put any expectations on when and just mentioned we would let it happen in due course.
Anyways fast forward to last week and I had a mini breakdown, which led to an argument as my SO told me he now doesn’t want to try for a baby.
I can understand to some extent why he doesn’t want us to try for a baby anymore when I’ve not been my happy bubbly self, but again this is mainly due to my depression.
I’m finding it very difficult to know what to do as I’m never gonna be 100%, I’m always gonna have moments were my depression plays up or I aren’t perfect. I’ve spoken with doctors about TTC with mental health problems and I have always mentioned to my SO he would need to support me during and after pregnancy.
Now I feel like I have to act like I’m happy 24 7 in order for him to want a family with me and I can’t be myself and it’s eating me up inside. And similarly I don’t want to force someone to have a family with me if that’s not what they want.
I’m struggling to work out what my next steps will be because I have worked very hard on myself the last 5 years to get to this point in my life. I have a stable job, family, support network and I have been able to maintain my mental health and find ways to calm myself down and control my anxiety. I know I would be an amazing mum but I want my SO to support me and be by my side. I know he would be an amazing father if he just gave this a chance.
What do I do?

Get advice. Pregnancy and post pregnancy does an absolute number on your hormones and how you function. I have issues with mental health and I sank into really heavy depression. Not trying to put you off but you need to seriously think about how your depression might impact upon your partner and child. Do you have support from other people like family?

It sounds like he cares for both you and any future family. Has he said no to kids full stop, or just to concentrate on you getting to a point where you are consistently stable and then you can start TTC again? Your mini breakdown might be the first time he has seen the reality of your depression. He would be right to press the brakes a little.

Of course you will always have mental health issues but it honestly doesn’t sound like you’re in a good place right now. You have only been together a year and after 8 months made the decision to start TTC. That’s not a huge amount of time to get to properly know each other even before bringing depression into the equation.

I think you need to separate your feelings for wanting a baby and those for your relationship. I am guessing you want a loving and stable partnership to bring a baby into the world. Work first on that and over time you’ll both know whether you want to start TTC again.

If he doesn’t think you are in the right place mentally to cope right now then I think he is being extremely sensible in putting things on hold. If he continues to be there for you and help you build on everything you have achieved over the years in regards to your MH then he’s a good man. Looking out for both you and any children you may have together.