Professional mums

[HuntyGirl]

I started another thread yesterday re salary increases in my sector (I am a lawyer) and in that thread I mentioned I want to start TTC next year. (End of next/start of the following).

A lot of people on that thread think it is too early for me to start TTC at 28/29 in a professional job and should put it off in order to progress and try later (mid-late 30s).

For those of you who already have kids/are currently TTC, what age did you decide to do so being in a professional, demanding career? Just wondering whether I'm being unrealistic.

Thanks in advance!

I'm a professional who started TTC and fell pregnant at 29. Zero regrets, best decision I've ever made.

I am lucky in that I can do most of my work from home so can look after DS most of the time.
I want a few kids so didn't want to wait longer.

Had my two at 32 and 35. It has undoubtedly slowed my career progression. Now they are 8 and 11 I am back on track to get a top role.

I wouldn't have had them younger. I got pregnant really quickly so I was lucky.

I think that if you are focused on having dc earlier you should do that. 28 isn't too young, it's just you could have use the extra time to get a bit more seniority. Just do what you want and accept that you make compromises whatever you do.

I'm not a lawyer but I am in a professional role and I started TTC at 29 (had DC at 30 and 33). It worked for me and I don't regret it.

I actually don't think it would have had too much impact on my career if I'd been willing to stay FT, however I dropped to 4 days after DC1 and then dropped again to 3 days after DC2. Working PT has definitely killed my career, at least for now!

I agree pinkgingham I do feel it was the PT and the perception of it (both for others and what I thought it meant) slowed me down

Op I'm on the go for it. There is never a good time to take a career break or year out.
But Babies don't always come to order. Of the women who wait to 37 to have a family 30% won't ever have children.

But the younger you have them the better as you get more time with them before hitting old age.

I'm an architect and the route to qualification is so long that very few female architects are able to start TTC before 30. I started my own company which pushed back TTC again to starting at 35 but looking back as to whether I would have swapped starting my own company over having my children a few years earlier, I genuinely can't say whether I would as I love my job.

Only you can decide what is right for you and you don't know how long or difficult or indeed easy you will find it to conceive. If you are ready now, go for it now would be my advice. You might be surprised at how having children challenges your current outlook on where you wish to take your career but that's not necessarily a negative thing. Personally I wouldn't be without small people and am so glad we went for it.

Having a baby is always going to be disruptive, wherever you are in your career. I would just have one when feels right to you.
If you want a more concrete answer - I know lots of lawyers who have had babies at different points. A few who had them early (below 4 PQE like you) and found it convenient because it meant they weren't having to take long breaks when they were a bit more senior and ramping up to become partners. Plenty do it when they're senior associates (probably that's more the norm) so for someone who qualified straight after uni, early-mid 30s. And then even some who have them when they're partners.

I waited until I had the next level up from qualification to TTC and (against the stats) it took a long time so progressed another two levels before having my baby. It will mean that to re-enter the workplace won't be difficult as there are lots of jobs at that level and less people to apply for them in my sector.

I work in investment banking, and started TTC at 30. Sadly it took two years to conceive and an impact to my career I didn't expect before baby has even arrived was the being in limbo, not knowing I would be pregnant one month to the next meaning that I held back on mobility opportunities. I have recently found out I am pregnant after IVF so in total, including TTC, pregnancy, mat leave, I will be in my current role (which I am not finding very challenging) for an extra 4 years than I would have liked from a career development perspective. Easy to say now but if I could turn back time I would have carried on as normal until I got that positive test, regardless of whether it would be an awkward conversation with a newish manager. I am lucky in my department there are lots of role models with children so hoping in future it will cause minimal impact, if I choose to put my all into it.
Good luck op!

Hi I'm 3 years PQE and just starting ttc (I came off the pill at the beginning of January). I'm 29 and I've worked for my firm for just over a year so was/am a little nervous about taking time off to have a baby! However I think that I'd rather do it now while I'm still quite junior and then hopefully I have plenty of time in the next few years to advance. Its so hard to make this decision trying to balance what you think is best for your personal life but also your professional life as its taken so much work to get to this point!

Really difficult decision and pros and cons to both.

I am medical (non clinical corporate) and unfortunately did not meet partner till 36 conceived a year later but 3 miscarriages and successful pregnancy at 39. I had to take a bit of a back step to conceive but was promoted at 16 weeks pregnant took off just 6 months and now straight back on track.

The pros of doing it later is more control over schedule both travel and meetings I was able to push back on both without anyone giving a hoot. I breastfed and expressed at work again just schedule this in diary which I never would have done 10 years previously. Also more salary to outsource to housekeeper/ private school with wrap around care.

Cons- don’t underestimate age/fertility and time taken to conceive. Tiredness babies and toddlers are brutal and at 43 5.30 wake ups and middle of night vomiting on top of a full day at work is a challenge.

Also my partner did the majority of the childcare and deals with the shit at home, without that it would have been a struggle.

I say you can have it all just not all at the same time. If you have kids now there is plenty of time to rebuild your career later when they are at school.
Best of luck x

Thanks for comments everyone, I really appreciate you sharing your experiences, insight and views.

I think we'll definitely start TTC next year as we both want to start a family soon. I don't feel we're too young at all and I have plenty of time to build my career! Also, I'm in a very supportive and family friendly firm and I shouldn't take that for granted. Being here I don't think it will affect my progression much at all as they regularly promote people whilst on maternity. Just need to work hard! We also have lots of family support (as we have also given to our family with DC) so this is a bonus. We're very excited and hopeful! Coming off the pill next month to try and get my body ready!

I married at 21 (after I graduated in law aged 20 and had finished post grad law school and had my TC starting). I had baby no. 2 during my 2 and took two weeks (weeks not months) of annual leave for the baby and continued tull time, baby no. 2 came at firm no. 2 (a very big city firm I went to on qualification), then baby no. 3 at London firm 3. I had the twins after I set up on my own from home in the 90s.

In other words if you don't really take much or any time off then you can easily do both - babies whilst building your career.

Also if you p ut off babies too long you might never have one. Whilst I am glad my daughters are lawyers I am also pleased they both also married and have children (the most recent one to have a baby had a gorgeous cute best baby on the planet just before Christmas).

Also sometimes going back to work is easier than being at home with a baby and toddler as you are sitting down and get slightly rests - something it can be hard to do at home with small children.

I'd try sooner rather than later. It doesn't always go as planned so the younger you are, the better.

At the end if the day, work is irrelevant, its family that matters.

I think @LondonladyTTC 's point is also a really important one -- if it takes a while to conceive, you are in limbo every month and it can be hard to just ignore the uncertainty and go for opportunities etc as if you weren't hoping to get pregnant. If you conceive within a couple of months, holding yourself back a bit in that time won't make much difference at all, but really can if it takes a year. It's also just hard psychologically to engage with equally with alternative near-futures of "pregnant and baby" and "exciting new opportunity" at the same time.