anyone help me? Confused about ttc dc2

[mad4mybaby]

I have ds aged 18 mnt whom i adore. He is a very active and highly strung child but is so precious to me.

We want 2 children and dh and i came to the conclusion last month we wanted to ttc to aim for 2.5 ish gap between ds1 and dc2. I was really happy even though i knew id would be hard work.

Trouble is i read up on other MNers in this sort of situ and now i have really confused myself. I know there is no PERFECT age gap and every child/parent is different but not sure if we should hold off for 6 months or so?

DH works long hours and travels quite abit. I do have friends/family that could help but i suffered badly with pnd and anxiety after ds was born and have just come off citalopram last month. Last night ds was up between 2.15am-4.30am on and off and not sure why. This morning i was so tired and was shouting at him as he was being difficult. I nearly lost it and after i felt so bad it made me cry and cry. I never want to hurt my ds and know it is wrong to shout at him. This has made me wonder if im not ready to face having a 2.5 ish yrd old with a newborn? Worried it will turn me into a bad mum and back with pnd.

Am i being stupid to want this or does it mean i shouldnt have another dc??

I think you just need to give this lots of thought and once you've made your decision, go for it and don't second guess yourself.

There will be pluses and minuses to all gaps. I have one child so I shouldn't comment as am SO not an expert but I know if DH and I had wanted another, I would have preferred the sort of gap you mention so that the kids are more of an age to be friends with eachother.

Having said that, it is only since my ds was five that I have actually not felt physically revolted by the idea of another! I do want to stick with one, but since my ds has been five, I know for sure, that I could happily go for another. It's weird; perhaps there comes a time when you are ready.....however, as I say, looking at it purely from the child's point of view I think it's great to have a sibling close in age.

perhaps it's either A) wait till you feel all warm and fuzzy and ready and will not be dealing with a very young toddler as well as a newborn or B) just decide on the gap you want and go for it.......

or even c) take the pressure off just for a month or two and allow yourself to have some time off the citalopram in order to centre yourself a bit more?
very best of luck.

Everyone worries how they'll cope with two - I'm pregnant with number two and it's bloody exhausting and I'm turning into a horrible shouty person I hate! But I know it's temporary and it'll pass and it's just tiredness. So I don't beat myself up over it.

I will have an eighteen month gap, so I'll get all the nappies out the way in one go and of course I'll have a tantrummy toddler and a newborn but hey, life will be interesting

I'd just go for it - it might take you a year to conceive - or it might be next week.

thanks for replying. One day il be like i sooo badly want to be getting pgnt now and the next day il be worrying and thinking negative about it. Mind you i was like that before ttc ds1. I think your right about the cit though

I had undiagnosed PND with ds, but no PND with dd -that was despite a 19 month age gap. So having PND the first time does not necessarily mean you will get it again. Having said that though, I would not recommend that gap to anyone, the first year was hell although I am reaping the rewards now (gone and ruined it by getting pg with no3 though!).

I also have a very boisterous, highly strung ds and a much easier dd - although she is beginning to be a bit of a madam now she is coming up for 2.5!

If you want another one, personally I would just go for it. As you will see from all the women on here some of whom are really struggling to conceive, there are no guarantees. There is definitely no perfect age gap either! Good luck, whatever you decide.