I lost my baby at 14 weeks pregnant on new year's day. I'm heartbroken. The father blocked me the same day.
It seems everyone is having children and it kills me inside even though I'm happy for them. I can't try for my rainbow baby. I feel so helpless and alone.
I am young, 24. People say I should wait. I've not got a career or my own house but I'll be honest, I just want to be a mother. I have done for a while and this pregnancy has pushed me to want it more.
But my love life feels helpless. No one seems interested and I worry no one will be for a long time. And even then, I could be forced to wait years until I'm allowed to have a child.
I've thought about going it alone. My child won't have a father but I will have my baby. Its the only way I see me having a baby before I'm 30. Most guys my age don't want a child or marriage or anything serious. My ex is an example of that.
He spent the whole pregnancy pushing me to abort and when I naturally lost it, vanished without even asking if I was okay. It just seems I'll never find a man I connect with and who wants a child soon. At least not for a long time.
As I said, I just feel out of control of my own body. That my biggest dream is completely dependent on a man wanting me and it breaks my heart.