As of tomorrow, I’m starting my conception vitamins and diet, in preparation for TTC. I am around 2.5 stone overweight, and have really struggled to lose weight, generally losing and gaining the same stone on repeat. Work is quite stressful, and food is my crutch after a bad day. I’m so worried that my awful diet will affect my egg quality, especially at my age, so I’m going to try my best to improve it over the next three months.
For background, I had an early miscarriage a decade ago, when I was with my ex. It wasn’t a planned pregnancy (I was still at uni and had taken the morning after pill after we were careless). Nevertheless, I was really happy to get a BFP, and completely devastated when I miscarried. My ex went on a night out the same day, leaving me at home alone and in agony (physical and emotional). I never really forgave him for that, and our relationship eventually broke down (for multiple reasons). Because I miscarried early, no one else knew I was briefly PG, and I had no other support.
The problem now is that, over the years, I have convinced myself the same thing will happen again or I won’t get pregnant at all. So much so I’m nearly scared of TTC. Anytime there has been the slightest possibility I could be pregnant, I’ve found myself getting really worked up in the lead up to AF. And of course, my age means there is a greater possibility of issues, and I know I can’t hold off any longer if we want a real chance of starting our family. I bought a clear blue fertility monitor so I can see I am ovulating, which is a positive.
If anyone has any wise words, I’d love to hear from you. I know with the health service as it is (I work in health and social care), the chances of me seeing a GP to discuss my concerns or get a check up are slim to none!