Obsessed with baby 3

[JanuaryPinks]

I have 2 dcs, 3.5 and 1. DH and I had always agreed to have 2 but in the last few months I have been completely obsessing over a 3rd baby. I think it may be because I’ve just turned 35, I’ve just got my period back (still bfing DC2 who is 14 months), and I had such a shit mat leave with DC2 who was born in lockdown last Nov I feel like I need to fix it somehow.

I get that none of those are good reasons to have another but just can’t stop thinking about it. DH is not keen because we struggled so much during lockdown with no family nearby and both have demanding jobs.

Is this feeling going to pass?? How can I stop thinking about it? Of course I adore my existing children and just keep thinking that another one like them would be great! (They are different sexes btw so not about that).

@JanuaryPinks I totally get the obsession feeling! We have a DS who is nearly 3 and we’ve both spoken about a second but I don’t think DH is ready yet. While I’m not pressuring him, I too keep thinking about a second child and what it would be like!

I can’t give you any advice if it will pass, but can totally relate! Do you think your DH would come round to a 3rd? X

He is pretty firm so far. I can understand tbh because we found lockdown really really hard. I can see past it though and realise it’s not a normal situation but I think he is mentally scarred! Realistically I know it’s too early for me careerwise too and another 2.5-3 year age gap would be better, but then I’d be 36/37 when the baby was born which feels like pushing it a bit. Argh.

Lockdown was so hard, our DS just turned one and we were trying to work too and I don’t think we could have done that with 2 DC!

I don’t think age is necessarily always a barrier, but can understand your concerns. Does DH know how you’re feeling?

When I’ve mentioned 3 kids in the past it’s always been a flat no. On the other hand he is fully aware that all the baby stuff is still in the loft! I think we’ve both felt there’s no point discussing it properly until the time comes to actually make the decision, which still isn’t now.

What does your DH say?

We had similar conversations and in the end I said to my husband that he could be responsible for the contraception then since I'd like another one. Anyway, I eventually changed my mind as my youngest got older (around 1.5) and I saw what a lovely bond my two had, plus my husband booked his vasectomy which helped me move on in my head.

I was 37 when I had my third! You've got time 🙂

I think with my DH it’s just time. @Isonthecase that is nice that you saw the bond between your two. What’s the age gap?

@OCM19 mine are 3 years apart but I've seen lovely bonds with bigger gaps too, seems to entirely depend on the children.

Having another won't fix your feelings about your maternity leave. Therapy might though.

@JanuaryPinks I wouldn’t say 36/7 was ‘pushing it’

@TheGoldenWolfFleece you’re right of course. It’s difficult for me to say how much of wanting another is attributable to that or just plain old hormones.

I do get it. I had a traumatic birth and battled with myself for ages about having another child, mainly so i could get it "right" next time. Like doing it again would help my feelings about the way things went with my first. But i had a load of therapy and it helped me to sort everything out in my head. I am not going to have any more children as i haven't got the resources for more. Without the feelings of loss over the way my first experience should have been, my drive to have more children wasn't actually that strong. Just something you may want to consider before you make a decision