Why am I not getting pregnant?

[Moonshine160]

This is probably a silly question because I know many of us are in the same boat but why am I not getting pregnant? We tried casually to conceive our second child for a few months with no luck so for the last 4 cycles I’ve gone all out with ovulation tracking, BBT, pre-seed and it’s still not happening even though we have loads of sex in the fertile week. Scientifically speaking, why are we not conceiving? Is the sperm not meeting the egg, or will it be meeting and not implanting, could I have dodgy eggs? I’ve been Googling and it comes up with things like irregular ovulation, blocked tubes etc but if there’s no medical issue and we’re timing it right then why aren’t we conceiving? If there’s plenty of sperm up there to meet the egg then where does it go wrong? I know I’m probably looking for answers that I’m not going to get but I’m so down and anxious about it. We conceived our DS (he’s nearly 3) on the first cycle of trying so naively I assumed the same would happen this time around but it’s been months now with no hint of a second line. I’m 31 and DH is 32.

4 cycles is no time at all. You're very likely to be pregnant by July/August, which I know doesn't sound very helpful, but those are the statistics and is extremely normal.

The time taken to conceive a first baby has no influence over the second or more.

Scientifically speaking, there’s just an awful lot that has to go right and stay right each cycle for you to even get as far as a positive pregnancy test. There’s every chance there’s nothing wrong beyond bad luck. You’ve just got to keep rolling the dice every month.

Thanks @Chanel05 and @Moancup. It’s CD1 today so I think I’m just having a very down and anxious day. It’s 4 cycles of TTC of tracking ovulation etc, but we had been “casually trying” in the months prior to this too but we probably didn’t DTD regularly enough then really. I think it’s just the not knowing if/when it’ll ever happen that I struggle to cope with, I hate feeling so out of control. If I knew it would happen eventually even if it was a year away then I’d be fine with that, but obviously I can never know that for certain. Sorry for rambling!

It took us3 years. You are obviously very fertile.
You need to have sec every other day and otherwise forget about it for a year. If after a year you are not pregnant then you get to worry.

There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason honestly.

I got pregnant on the second cycle trying last year, had a miscarriage a couple months later. Thought no problem we will try again and track it. It took 8 cycles that time (ended in a chemical) and then one cycle right after that. I have a history of miscarriage so ignore that bit but with active trying in the fertile window and pre seed and temping etc it's still taken 2, 8 and 1 cycle each time. My best friend took nine cycles for no discernible reason and my other two took 1-4. All the same age.

No advice @Moonshine160 but just wanted to say I absolutely feel this and am sorry. We couldn't start trying for our second until March due to change in jobs but were already desperate for a second child so I was doing OPKs and temps for a few months before that to make sure I knew ovulation and my cycle and we have tried very hard every single month since March and not a whiff of a second line. No idea where we are going wrong, if something is up, etc. People say it can take a year but for me this is now cycle 10 and I knew from the start that we were timing sex right and covering all bases so the fact that we still have nothing I find so worrying. But as hard as it is all you can do is pick yourself up and carry on. I'm sorry I don't have answers, I wish I did, but just be kind to yourself.

@Rtmhwales thank you. It’s always reassuring to hear how it varies from person to person. I need to give myself a little shake and crack on but I’m really feeling it today!

@kmbegs it’s horrible to feel this way but I’m glad I’m not alone so thank you. There are just some days like today where I feel much less hopeful and rational than normal! How long did it take to conceive your first and how long ago was it?

@Moonshine160 you're definitely not alone. I fell pregnant the first month we didn't use protection with my first (which I hate myself for now and really didn't know how lucky I was, I knew I was lucky but had no idea just what I had dodged). My little girl was 2 in august. I knew we wouldn't have the same luck again but I didn't think it would be this hard. It's really difficult. I think it's really hard when you already have a child because there's no escaping babies and pregnant women and everyone I know with a child same age as my daughter is pregnant now and I'm just watching the age gap grow. Sigh. Surely 2022 will be our year!

It's horrible. I doubted everything for the 8 cycles meanwhile telling my friend it's completely normal. It's hard when it's you and not them.

I am the same! We conceived within 3 months with the first and we weren't even actively trying. It has been 8 months now second time round and no luck.

Hope it happens for you soon

It just takes longer sometimes. It's incredibly frustrating but as you have a dc already I'm sure it's just a matter of time

Thanks everyone :) I feel less alone and starting to pick myself up a bit now. The first day of AF is always the hardest, right? I hope it happens for us all soon.

Conceived dc 1 first month trying and 7 years later no sign of dc2. Easy first conception means nothing for the second unfortunately.

Sorry to hear that @Ilikepalindromes, is it unexplained infertility? X

Have you looked at the sperm meets egg plan? Are you having sex at other times in your cycle you may want to try starting a bit earlier on in the cycle. On month 7 of trying which is when I successfully got pregnant I had sex days 5, 9, 12, 14, 16 and ovulated day 16. Other months I had just focused on around ovulation. No idea if that was what helped but just in case useful!