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TTC - Sister and SILK pregnant and coming over for XMAS

4 replies

PEG1991 · 20/12/2021 12:07

My DH and I have been TTC for the last 5 months and I've found it difficult to stay positive when every month we get a BFN. I know 5 months isn't that long, and at 30 (me) and 38 (him), are ages shouldn't be too much of a concern. However in the last month I've found out that my sister, who is single, is now pregnant through IVF and my sister in law is expecting her second child. While I'm happy for them both, their happy news has made my disappointment, all the more poignant.

Because my sister is single, she asked back in the summer to spend Christmas at ours and of course we said yes. But now I'm really not looking forward to the holidays. My sister knows we're TTC and that I've been feeling down about the experience. My period is due on Christmas Day and I've asked her to not bring up babies and pregnancy while she's here as I will most likely be dealing with another disappointment, but I know that she will ignore my request and that the time she's here will be full of talk of her pregnancy, and I'll be struggling to get through the day without crying.

Further down the road, I worry that my sister will increasingly want to rely on me for support through pregnancy and her those first few months with a new born, as a single mother. I 100% know that I need to rise to the occasion and put her first, but I worry how it will impact my own mental health and happiness to be so close to someone else's pregnancy, when I'm not falling pregnant.

I've tried to talk to my parents and they just laugh and change the subject. They say things like 'just have fun', 'don't think about it' and 'it can take 2-3 years to get pregnant'. The whole experience is leaving me feeling very lonely and also feeling like I must be incredibly selfish, to want to keep to myself and not get involved in my sister or SIL pregnancies. I've posted this here in the hopes that someone can empathise and in case anyone has any advice on how to overcome these feelings.

OP posts:
PoleFairy · 20/12/2021 20:35

Thats tough. I am similar, 30 and just started cycle 6 ttc number 1. I did go into it telling myself it would take a year (and a nurse told me to expect no less than a year when I went for my final pill check) but it's still hard. My AF is due in jan the same day as a friends baby shower , she got knocked up month 1 off the pill by her husband and they weren't really trying. I'm just telling myself to be positive, it's rare to get pregnant in under a year and I've just got to enjoy things whilst I can. Make the most of xmas day with alcohol, pate, soft cheese etc. All the things they cant have.

Katie2021 · 20/12/2021 21:47

Hope your okay :( I’m in a similar position myself this year and dreading it, it’s horrible isn’t it. You feel bad for feeling that way but you can’t help how you feel!

So first of all let that be okay to feel that way, It’s a natural feeling you didn’t choose to feel like that. I think many in your position would feel the same.

And secondly, the only way to get through is to take It day by day for now, when it comes to Christmas Day just swiftly change the subject if it’s making you feel uncomfortable 💗 it will be okay, you’ll get through it just try to focus on enjoying your Christmas Day with DH and you’ll get through it! And hopefully enjoy it xx

Fingers crossed once the baby’s here you may be expecting a baby of your own 🤞🏼 So try not to over think that part yet. ( I know it’s hard not to) xx

Hopefullywaiting01234 · 20/12/2021 22:02

I could have written your post; except my sister isn’t pregnant through IVF! My sister, SIL and Friends are all pregnant and I am on cycle 12, I can’t explain how much an impact it’s had on my mental health. I don’t have any advice on how to deal with this but I completely understand every emotion you are going through! Hugs xx

IsabelHerna · 27/12/2021 11:44

Similar boat here, our time will come. It has to...

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