Wanting a second child but keep bursting into tears at the thought

[Ginfilledcats]

Hi, just looking for a hand hold/support or advice from anyone who might be in the same boat.

Before I start, I realise I'm posting on the conception board and many are here desperate for their first after numerous cycles, and I mean absolute no disrespect! I've been there, it took me 9 months with my first pregnancy which I sadly, and traumatically miscarried, then a further 3 months to conceive my wonderful now 18m DD. I'm sorry if this is to insensitive to those of you who are having a difficult journey and I have my fingers crossed for you.

But basically: I've always wanted 2 or 3 children, and somewhat close together (my siblings and I are 6 years apart, so wanted less than that). I stopped breast feeding about a month ago and my baby is very much in the gorgeous but sassy toddler phase and I'm loving it. She's everything. I had a rocky start going back to work and really struggled but now 7 months on I finally feel confident and strong at work. My husband is a great husband and fantastic father. We both want a second child, soon.

But whenever the subject gets brought up I burst into tears. I'm not sure why, I think it's at the thought of the end of our little family of three which is so amazing, or that will I be depriving dd of things/time/experiences by rushing to have another. She's a mummy's girl and very shy - will she feel jealous or abandoned (probably!). Will I be able to cope, I'm a calm mum now but she's so good so it's not too difficult (and everyone tells me I won't be this lucky twice) - am I in for a devil child who will mean I end up being a stressed and shouty mummy?

I just can't understand the unnecessary OTT tears, and can't really put a label on why so I can't move forward/make a decision.

I think my concerns stem around: having 2 under 2 and a half (if I'm lucky) am I mad, messing up my dds life and routine (she's a good girl and a good eater and sleeper), being pregnant and giving birth in covid, again! getting sick from covid, I work in the nhs so this is a real risk this time, I was horribly anxious and sick with HG last time - will it happen again? How long will it take this time, will I miscarry again? But I've always imagined and wanted two, I've been writing potential baby names in my phone for weeks, imagining life as a four, looking longingly at other families of 4, holding off on plans for Disney etc as I'd rather wait til our family is complete.

Has anyone else been there? How did you make the decision to go for it? Do you regret it now and wish you'd listened to your instincts?

Any advice or just a "I get you" would be most appreciated.

Ps, it may also be the thought of sleepless night again so soon!

Xxx

Probably the sleepless nights. I've no idea why people have more than one.

My advice is just do it.

I have a two year age gap with DC. They're 6 and 8 now so it all seems like a life time ago. But none of us can remember life without it being the four of us anymore. My kids are really close and they love playing together.

It is hard. DS2 slept through from early on thank god! It can be stressful. But take each day as it comes, it doesn't last forever and you move onto the next phase.

What I would think seriously about is child care costs. I had no other option than to go part time and work evenings when they were younger because of the astronomical childcare costs. Again though, that doesn't last forever.

I think it's at the thought of the end of our little family of three which is so amazing

I remember experiencing this exactly. Huge worry about having a second child because I so loved my first and feared how it would change our family group, whether I could love a second child as much, whether it was unfair to my first child to bring such a huge change into his life.

All my worries were unfounded. It was the best decision I ever made and having a sister has enhanced my son’s life far more than more undivided attention from me ever could have.

I had a miscarriage before having DS and another one between DS and DD. Obviously that’s something that doesn’t get easier. But having a second child is much easier IME than the shock of going from no children to one. You just adapt because you have to.

Thanks all for your lovely replies. I am teetering on the edge of just do it (which is absolutely against my nature, I'm a planner!) it feels so right but so weird too!

Aww @ChristmasRobins that's exactly what I hope for in the future. Sounds lovely! DD is so nurturing I think she'd excel with a sibling. But right now I love that she's my everything and I'm here. Just can't imagine splitting that!

Absolutely right re child care costs @Elfonthesofa - that is something to consider. She goes to an expensive (aren't they all) nursery 2 days a week and my mum and my aunt have her two days, and I have a Friday off. No idea if my family would be willing to have 2!

Plenty of people manage though....something to consider for sure

@Fritilleries

Probably the sleepless nights. I've no idea why people have more than one.

Lol THIS as much as I love my DC, I can't bear the thought of having a second. DH wants a second and I keep making excuses. I should just tell him that unless he's getting up every single night until the baby starts sleeping through, then it's a definitive NO. 😩

If thats how you feel you need to delay it for a while. IMHO

OP, you sound level-headed enough to carry this through and I honestly don't think it would be an issue in terms of DD adjusting. Of course, there will be bumps in the road, as with anything in this life, but eventually everyone will grow to adjust. If it's truly what your heart desires and you have a good, supportive DH who is a great father and supportive of the idea also then I say throw caution to the wind and just go for jt! Life is too short. Best of luck

*it ...obviously lol.

19 months between mine. They are the BEST of friends and we wouldn't be our family if there wasn't 4 of us! Its amazing how quickly it feels like there were always four of you!

I had my first child at 19, it was me and her against the world...but I knew I'd want more. I met my ec DH when she was 3, married when she was 5. I desperately wanted another but felt an overwhelming sadness at losing my relationship with her. I couldn't imagine loving another child as I loved her.

Me snd ex DH took 2 years to conceive DD2...by that time DD1 was 8, it was a huge adjustment...but it was oh so wonderful.

I fell pregnant again when DD2 was 8 weeks and had DS when she was 11 months. By this point everyone told me I must be happy my family was complete...I never felt it was

I guess my advice is...its scary disrupting a settled family life but, in my experience its so worth it. And a point to note...all 3 of mine slept and ate great...for me it was a case of establishing a good routine...not a "goid" baby