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Conception

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Original poster

Conception after miscarriage age 40

26 replies

alisonn · 17/12/2007 16:32

I've just had a missed miscarriage found at 9 weeks and doctors have advised us to wait at least 6 months before trying again, giving me the usual warnings relating to high risk of future miscarriages, congenital problems, etc, associated with my age. I have a beautiful boy aged 13 months and we were lucky enough to have no problems conceiving either baby. I guess I'm just looking for some comfort, as I've been a real wreck since being in hospital - are there any other mums out there who, after one or even more miscarriages in their 40s went on to have a baby with no problems? Thank you.

OP posts:
PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 17/12/2007 16:36

alisonn sorry about mmc they are the pits
i had mc in july
got pg october
am 40

not heard that wait 6 months thing?
tbh i would not bother - seems silly advice to a 40 year old

is there any evidence that 'waiting' makes a positive difference to the outcome

Sandies · 17/12/2007 21:05

alisonn, so sorry to hear your news. I had a mc in Oct. I was told to wait at least until I had 1 normal period before trying again. So that's what I'm doing. The advice you get seems to depend on the mood od the person giving it. 6 months and a negative attitude from whoever give it should be laughed at and proved wrong. Best of luck x

pinkpeony · 18/12/2007 09:45

Alisonn, so sorry about your loss. I am 35 and had a MMC in August. I don't think you need to wait at all to TTC again - it just depends when you are ready physically and emotionally. Some doctors like you to wait for one period so if you do get pg again, it is easier to date the pregnancy. Here on MN, some women have fallen pg after a mc immediately without having a period, and just have to do an early scan to date the pregnancy accurately. For others it takes longer. Personally, my hormones have been unbalanced since the mmc and my cycles became very erratic - going from very short to very long LP etc. Has been nearly 4 months since my ERPC and still trying. Maybe the age factor makes it longer for our bodies to recover. Dr Lesley Regan wrote a book called Miscarriage - what every woman needs to know - that can be useful, you can find it on Amazon. Do what you feel is best for you, and good luck.

organicbirthdaycake · 18/12/2007 17:22

Why don't you joint the TTC for the over 40's thread. There are lots of us in a similar position on there.

NotEvenHopingForAWhiteXmas · 18/12/2007 17:42

alisonn I had a mmc at 10-11 weeks in Aug 2005, aged 42. This was followed by another mmc at about 7 weeks in Feb/March 2006. We had an interview with a senior midwife at the hosp who basically told us we were too old and to go away and find a hobby!

DH didn't want to try again because it seemed hopeless. While we were umming and aahing whether to try again I got a BFP and our DD was born in March 2007 almost a year to the day of the original EDD.

We had amnio, then she was breech and I had ECV and ended up with an elective CS, so all sorts of procedures I didn't get in my 20s but she is just fine. I turned 44 about 10 weeks after she was born.

Verso · 18/12/2007 20:48

Hi Alisonn, I've just had a second missed m/c this year - ERPC on 7 Dec. I'm 37 and was only told to wait one month - and then only because it makes it easier to date any subsequent pregnancy (which they can do with scans anyway). Tbh I'm impatient to start trying again but am trying to wait until I see the consultant - my hosp refers you after two m/c in a row. No idea when the appt will come through though.

NotEven - what a fantastic story, proving that stupid midwife wrong. Good for you!!!

Original poster
alisonn · 21/12/2007 10:55

Thank you everyone so much - especially you, NotEven, whose story has completely inspired us. I requested a D&C whilst in hospital, maybe this makes a difference to the period of time one should wait afterwards?

OP posts:
NotEvenHopingForAWhiteXmas · 21/12/2007 20:28

alisonn I had ERPC (D&C) after both mmc and wasn't told to wait. They usually suggest allowing 1 cycle just for dating purposes, as Verso says, but to wait 6 in your 40s would seem counter productive. Was there a specific reason to wait?

wantslotsofbabies · 24/12/2007 18:32

alisonn - please have hope. After numerous miscarriages I have just had a beautiful 9lb 1oz son at the age of 47.

mylovelymonster · 24/12/2007 18:54

alisonn - the fact that you had no issues conceiving is really positive. I don't see a need to wait if you're well and physically recovered and your cycle is back to normal. I had a mmc at 12 weeks at 35, but complications meant we couldn't try again for a while (cyst). It did then take us 13 months to conceive, but that's just us. DD born just before I was 38 - and we plan to TTC again next spring/summer - hope to be having 2nd when I'm 40 - bit daunting!
lots of luck xx

Original poster
alisonn · 27/12/2007 10:06

Oh, thanks so much - I could do with getting together with you guys over a drink! To tell you the truth, they didn't explain why I should wait six months, but I was so blown away by what had happened in the previous 24 hours, that I didn't think to question what they were saying. You'd hope, wouldn't you, that if there was something more serious wrong, they would have told me (Oh Lord, something else to worry about!!) Anyway, I went along to the docs on Christmas Eve, who reacted in exactly the same way you have and suggested exactly the same as you have - wait one or two cycles, but most importantly, wait until I feel that I've really grieved and am strong enough emotionally. Wantlots and Mylovely - I'm so happy for the pair of you! Big hugs to everyone x

OP posts:
sfxmum · 27/12/2007 10:45

hi Alisonn just wanted to say I am nearly 39 had MC late November was advised to wait 1 or 2 cycles and see how we feel about trying again. I do have a history of MC but also a healthy 2.6yr dd from a trouble free pregnancy.

sorry about your loss, best wishes

Original poster
alisonn · 29/12/2007 22:22

sfxmum, I am so sorry to hear your news and am keeping my fingers crossed for you. How long do you think you will wait until you start trying again? Do you think you will try again? Would you please let me know how you get on? All the very best to you x

OP posts:
orangehead · 29/12/2007 22:36

I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 3 mcs but in my 20's at the time, I had erpc and only told to wait one cycle although from an emotionally viewpoint I waited a lot longer each time. I have since had two ds. Hope you ok

hester · 29/12/2007 22:49

So sorry that you have gone through this, alisonn. I miscarried at age 40 but went on to get pregnant again three months later - my beautiful dd is now 2. Nobody advised me to wait six months and I'm very glad I didn't. I would really get a second opinion on your doctor's advice - this is new to me; I thought the current practice was to advise 'start trying again as soon as you feel like it'.

Best of luck x

littlemansmummy · 29/12/2007 22:51

Hi, Orangehead - I just can't imagine how difficult it must have been dealing with 3 mcs, oh Jeez, poor you. I think you're right about the emotional side - my doc told me that the worst advice she has ever given was to a patient who was exactly in my position, telling her that the best way of dealing with it was to go away and concentrate on getting pg again. The patient fell pg straight away and ended up almost having a breakdown, as she hadn't grieved properly first time around.

littlemansmummy · 29/12/2007 22:54

Oops, it's still me, alisonn, but I have changed nicknames half way through this thread, as I live in a small village!!

expatinscotland · 29/12/2007 23:04

sorry for your loss, alisonn.

i also had a MMC and ERPC on 10 December 2007.

i am 36.

was told till wait until we were emotionally ready, but otherwise to go for it.

littlemansmummy · 29/12/2007 23:09

Oh expat, I am so sorry. This is happening to so many people all the time - I had no idea before joining mumsnet. Do you think you will try again quite soon? x

expatinscotland · 29/12/2007 23:12

it's quite common, you'll find.

we haven't decided when or even if we will try again.

we have two beautiful daughters already and my miscarriage was quite traumatic in many ways.

i think if your heart is there, however, then you're ready to try again.

but right now, we're still grieving for our baby, who died between 5-6 weeks.

littlemansmummy · 30/12/2007 09:10

My heart goes out to you both - we, too, can't even think of trying again yet. Take care x

cece · 30/12/2007 09:32

I too had a miscarriage on 13th Dec this year. I was 18 weeks and the midwife siad it is recommended to wait till you have had one af before trying again. TBH I am desperate to be pg again but also terrified at the idea. I have not discussed it with DH yet as we are both still grieving but I am hoping he will agree to start trying again straight away. I will be 41 in Feb.

littlemansmummy · 30/12/2007 11:02

Oh cece, there are so many of us in this horrible boat, I can't believe it. I am so sorry about your loss and at 18 weeks, too, oh God.

sfxmum · 30/12/2007 11:58

did not realise this thread was still active,hi expat, hope you holding on.
and cece so sorry, I did follow your thread when it happened

it is quite common and terribly sad, it always feels to me like a loss of hope, a pregnancy is so full of promise. my challenge really is just keep going and not let depression engulf me, it seems to be ok so far with only the odd really bad day, but no real 'darkness' but I guess this year has been otherwise quite good and I feel much more balanced
we will try again as soon as I feel physically ready, I hope within 2-3 cycles but we shall see.

best of luck to you all

becaroo · 01/01/2008 21:43

I am 35 and had a mc on 14th December 2007 at 6 weeks. The lovely nurse at the EPU said that we could try again as soon as we felt ready, and although the mc has hit me very hard we are trying again.

Good luck x