Broody but know it’s silly?

[peonies1988]

Hey,

I am a 32 year old mum of two and a very, very long story short, I absolutely adore my children but also find motherhood hard (normal I think?) So despite having really struggled with mental health postnatally, I cannot shake off the feeling of wanting a third baby. I had always been envisioned being a mum of three but in both the newborn stages with my children, I vowed “never again.” My youngest is only 1, neither are good sleepers and it wouldn’t be the greatest financial decision, so can’t I seem to distract myself from urge; it’s like I’m not seeing reason, or I’m not feeling it rather.

Anyone else have/ever had this issue? x

I feel a bit similar tbh, I think it's our bodies that want it/have those strong urges. What to do? I always believed we should listen to those urges as they are sent from the universe 😊

I think for many of us, the desire for more will never go away.

I went for 3 after a few years of feeling this way.

But… here’s the deal on 3 or more:

-V expensive. The cost of nursery, extra food, clothes, etc. loss of income through mat leave, and putting a career on hold again
-Super hectic
-Logistics like school/ nursery/ activities is difficult
-You cant get a normal taxi for a family of 5+
-You can’t get a family room in most hotels, so you have to get adjoining rooms, large suites or get apartments on holiday
-no one will babysit 3. Seriously. I have finally found a sitter as none of the family will have them! Again, bigger expense.
-will need a bigger house
-bigger car is also a consideration
-sleep is non existent
-no time or money for yourself (hobbies, haircuts, gym etc.)

For me, I STILL want more. Which is ridiculous! So I know it’s just me being super broody despite how difficult parenting is at times.

But, my house is full of love and laughter. And if I could go back and have more, I would.

Ultimately, it’s your choice.

I second that urge never going away, I have 4 dc and me and DP just knew we were not finished yet and I am now 6 weeks with #5. My children are 7,5,3 and 10 months yes it's hard work at times but the good massively outweighs the bad. All the children are amazing sleepers, they all have routines that are strictly adhered to and the eldest 3 all help out around the house. It was decided between me and DP that after me being the SAHM all these years that we would switch roles until all children are in school and I am now the only sole earner in the house and we by no means struggle financially. Yes we will need a bigger home at some point but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. In my opinion not listening to that urge, you will regret it further down the line, I wouldn't change our children for nothing we love having a loud, happy, loving home. Best thing we have ever done x

It's just biology. We are programmed to be broody so the species continues! To be honest, it sounds like a terrible idea which would make your life much harder and more stressful. Two children is plenty... enjoy what you have

Yes, our bodies have all sorts of urges, but it's not always sensible to give in to them!

Not saying anyone here has made the wrong decision but on the whole I think it's better to be ruled by the head than the heart when making big decisions eg about whether to have children.

My head overruled my heart when we were thinking about a third and although in theory I'd have loved a big family, I don't regret it.

I was literally just thinking this. I struggled quite a lot after the birth of DC2 and find the constant demands of 2 tiny people quite relentless. DS is 3 next month and DD turned 1 last month. DD is finally sleeping a bit better and I’m now finally starting to feel more like myself again.
I know that 3 kids would kill me as I struggle to divide my time between the 2 of them and adding a baby into the mix would be madness! I also get very stressed about following routine and worry about sleep a lot so it’s absolutely the wrong decision but a small part of me can’t come to terms with not being pregnant again, or giving birth or breastfeeding. My DH is set at stopping at 2 and really I know that’s right for us but there’s just that thought that won’t go away. I think I would feel like this even if I had another though.

Head not heart is sometimes best!

@Itiswhatitis2021

I feel a bit similar tbh, I think it's our bodies that want it/have those strong urges. What to do? I always believed we should listen to those urges as they are sent from the universe 😊

See and I think listen to common sense but above all prioritise the best interests of children you already have.

You have a history of postnatal mental illness
You didn’t enjoy the baby stage
Your children are poor sleepers
Your youngest child is only a baby
You can’t afford it

We might be wired to desire many children because until relatively recently it was necessary in order to ensure a reasonable number survived to adulthood. Not now. Plus it’s irresponsible and bad for the planet.

Yes I'm the same. Mine are 4 and 2 now but I'd love another. When I think of the practicality of it I think no way, but when I think of having a biggish family it feels me with warmth and love. I'm one of three and I love the bond we have. We're almost like a team. I'd love that for our children, despite all of the challenges that early years bring.

@peonies1988

Hey,

I am a 32 year old mum of two and a very, very long story short, I absolutely adore my children but also find motherhood hard (normal I think?) So despite having really struggled with mental health postnatally, I cannot shake off the feeling of wanting a third baby. I had always been envisioned being a mum of three but in both the newborn stages with my children, I vowed “never again.” My youngest is only 1, neither are good sleepers and it wouldn’t be the greatest financial decision, so can’t I seem to distract myself from urge; it’s like I’m not seeing reason, or I’m not feeling it rather.

Anyone else have/ever had this issue? x

Me 🙋‍♀️ I've a boy and girl, ages 7 & 5 I always wanted 3 but found the baby stage too hard, both my parents have passed away and then so did my aunt. My husband's family are as useful as a chocolate teapot. I had so many reasons to be happy with what I had, but then Covid struck and we were not getting holidays or nights out and everyone was getting pregnant 🤰 So we decided we would at least try, after 5 months trying I got pregnant, lost it in June at 9 weeks, I'm 42 in few weeks and all bloods are good, I'm going to keep on trying 😊

Good points @PinkTonic - can’t say I disagree!

I’m so sorry for your loss @Nikkic2123 - wishing you all love and luck for your rainbow 🌈 baby xxx

I feel exactly the same @Lizbiz89 - it’s such a frustrating feeling!

I feel the same @jamsandwich1 / my DH is also set on stopping at two. He’s definitely the more “sensible” one, so probably good to heed his advice.

Thank you @Snorkello - your response really helped. I’ve thought about those things, but hearing someone who’s experiencing it point them out was really helpful. We very rarely have a night off as it is, I don’t think I could cope with fewer of them, or even less time for myself. Thanks for making me see the practicalities x

I have two older DC and work FT. still find it v difficult to split my time, get the essentials done etc. The DC need less practical ‘input’ as they get older but get more financially costly and there’re new things like homework and social and teen stuff (not to mention lockdown, urgh!)

I have a MH issue and the early years were rough - sleep deprivation and paid work. I prioritise exercise, which helps a lot.

I did want three DC but have two, for secondary infertility reasons. DH initially wanted three too but due to the fertility issues / experiences and concern for me with having DC2 and my MH was adamant about not ttc DC3. I think had all been well fertility wise I might’ve ‘pushed it’ but think two was sensible for us, financially, health and relationship wise.

There has never been a point, for me, of feeling ‘on top of it’ even with two!

@peonies1988 we're planning on finishing the final renovations of our house by the end of next year and then we'll decide. That way we'll be in a position to sell and find somewhere bigger if we decide to go for it. But in reality I think I've already made my mind up I want another anyway 😂.