Gender selection abroad - please help

[Ewby2012]

Has anyone got some honest answers on if you’ve received gender selection treatment abroad then how your pregnancy was managed back in the uk. Desperate after having 2 boys, a missed miscarriage between and my 4th pregnancy ended in a stillborn girl at 34weeks. I love my boys but I want a girl more than anything, 3 years on I can’t bring myself to terms of risking and putting my body through pregnancy number 5 to not have a girl. My doctors insist everything should be ok but it doesn’t feel like that. I know many of you might be too scared to speak out, and many who will judge, please leave us be, I need honest help from those who have been through this predicament. Thank you 🙏

I am so sorry for your tragic loss, you must have been heartbroken. However this does not sound like answer to your hurt, have you had any support/counselling?

I’m sorry for your losses OP. I hope someone can help you

I agree with heruka

I have not done it but I did look into it at one stage. I decided against it in the end and I did go onto have another child (obviously same gender as the first 3!!)

I think lots of people go to Cyprus for IVF and so you’d just be treated like any of them. I may be wrong but I don’t think you’d need to tell the U.K. health care providers that it was gender selection IVF, just that it was IVF.

For what it’s worth, I decided against it because I didn’t want to put myself through ivf. I thought about getting counselling and I think that would have been helpful. In the end I didn’t and I’ve got myself through the gender disappointment. Sometimes I have the odd pang of it but generally I’m very happy with my four boys. They are all so so different from one another and all lovely. The youngest is 5 months now.

In your circumstances, given the stillbirth of your little girl and the loss of your other child I think counselling would be a really good idea before you decide to do gender selection.

@Ewby2012 hello did you go through with the gender sleection?

No I haven’t. I still consider it on a regular basis and I’ve held off having a baby naturally. I’ve had counselling and now been able to enjoy my best friends having babies and being able to be ok and enjoy sharing in their journey yet nothing can convince me that I would want anything other than a girl myself. I secretly look at clinics in New York feeling embarrassed, my husband is very broody and I don’t know yet what the future holds. It’s so soul destroying to have these rules in place to a point where I want to quit the baby journey altogether early because I only want this one thing I can’t control.

It’s really not your place to give this advice.

OP I’m so so sorry for your loss ❤️. I have no personal experience OP , but I don’t see why it would affect your care over here? Surely It would just be a case of doing ivf abroad and then you’d be treated here like any other pregnant women.

Lots of women go abroad for IVF, so no one would think anything of it. my friend just had it done in India, now she’s back and has her 20 week scan in Dec xx

No, I think Heraka has given some very wise advice.

Whether you personally think that or not is neither here nor there. OP didn’t ask for opinions/ advice on whether gender selection through ivf abroad was the right thing to do , or people’s opinions on whether it might be “the answer to her hurt ”. She asked for specific information: to hear from people who had any personal experience of doing this, and answers about how her pregnancy might be treated in UK. OP also specifically asked for no judgement; So that pp had no business responding the way she did.

In addition, without any personal experience of her own to draw on, or professional expertise , I don’t see how that pp could possibly know whether this course of action might be “the answer to OP’s hurt”. Therefore her comments were irresponsible as well as uncalled for.