Partner doesn't want to TTC after accidental pregnant miscarried

[catandpupmum]

I had a miscarriage at the start of the year at 8 weeks. The baby was due on 24 November, so I have been thinking even more about it lately hence the post.

We weren't trying to conceive but are financially stable in good jobs so there was never a question around whether or not to keep the baby.

Then at 8 weeks I miscarried. I felt absolutely awful I have never felt a sadness like it.

My partner just isn't ready to actively try and have a baby. We are both 25 years old and getting married next year, and I think he might be ready after that but not sure - I just don't think he wants to commit at the moment.

I on the other hand am struggling. I have an overwhelming desire to have a baby. This has only come about after our loss. I have a feeling of emptiness and incompleteness. I can't even see a baby / go to the baby section of clothes shops without my eye welling up abit.

My partner knows this and is so understanding and great but he can't help that he isn't ready and also it is just logical to wait until after the wedding.

I just feel like there is something missing in my life

Has anybody else experienced anything like this especially after miscarriage? I would really like to hear that it does get better

Hi @catandpupmum

I am so sorry for what you are going through!

I cannot personally relate to your situation, but your story made me think of something I recently heard on a podcast.

I'm not sure whether you are familiar with US Gymnast Shawn Johnson. Either way, she and her husband also had an accidental pregnancy that ended in miscarriage (I think they were roughly your age too). Before the pregnancy, neither of them felt ready for kids yet.

After the miscarriage she desperately wanted to be pregnant again, because it felt like the only way not to feel the loss and emptiness associated with the miscarriage. Her husband, on the other hand, was still not ready to actually try for a baby. This is something they rally struggled with at the time.

They talk about this in their podcast Couple Things, episodes Dealing with Miscarriage and Our miscarriage story (links below in case you are interested).

I'm sorry I cannot offer more support, but I hope listening to their story and how they worked through it can maybe help you too.

@BabyFeet92

Hi *@catandpupmum*

I am so sorry for what you are going through!

I cannot personally relate to your situation, but your story made me think of something I recently heard on a podcast.

I'm not sure whether you are familiar with US Gymnast Shawn Johnson. Either way, she and her husband also had an accidental pregnancy that ended in miscarriage (I think they were roughly your age too). Before the pregnancy, neither of them felt ready for kids yet.

After the miscarriage she desperately wanted to be pregnant again, because it felt like the only way not to feel the loss and emptiness associated with the miscarriage. Her husband, on the other hand, was still not ready to actually try for a baby. This is something they rally struggled with at the time.

They talk about this in their podcast Couple Things, episodes Dealing with Miscarriage and Our miscarriage story (links below in case you are interested).

I'm sorry I cannot offer more support, but I hope listening to their story and how they worked through it can maybe help you too.

Thank you so so much! I will definitely be giving this a listen

I don't think it is unusual for a miscarriage to make you want a baby. You grieve for the baby you didn't have and everything you had started to imagine and plan.
Only you and your boyfriend can decide what you do next. Fwiw - having had a MC myself, a little time to heal and grieve is what I needed. I did go on and have a baby about 2 years later and she is the light of my life. Also not a baby anymore - she's 14!
Take care of yourself, it's emotionally a hard thing to go through.