My next steps - help me get a list together!

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

I'm 34 and in a happy, healthy relationship with my male partner so finally feel ready to start a family. We would like to try TTC in the next 12 months.

Fertility tests - where from?! Overwhelmed with choices on Google.

GP support - do I ask before / once we start trying / if we don't conceive within how many months? Again, Google is so confusing.

I'm adopted so going into the whole conception thing a bit blind as my parents were trying during the 80s and when unsuccessful TTC naturally, were lucky enough to land me

To complicate matters (should conceiving naturally not work out) financially I'm self employed so any advice on maternity planning financially is welcome too!

I have some medical conditions including epilepsy but it's due to a head trauma, not genetic. Obviously no idea of anything else genetic due to being adopted with no info on health background.

Excited, nervous and any questions you wish you'd asked medical professionals / routes you wish you'd explored before TTC mid thirties are welcome!

And obviously a GP visit is first port of call really, not Dr Google - I was more looking for any advice on what to ask / bring up when I speak to them.

So you don't need fertility tests unless you've been trying without success dod a while. They recommend seeing go if trying for a hear at under 35 and for 6 months over 35. Given the epilepsy I would say it's very important to link in with your doctor bwforehand as some epilepsy meds can be dangerous in pregnancy and you'll need careful momitoring (sister with epilepsy and 4 kids). They may recommend higher dose folic acid also as it can be protective against some of the risks from the meds.
Would probably be good if you're not doing so already to track and become familiar with your cycle - download an app like flo and put in your period dates - once it has a few months data it should give a reasonable estimate of your fertile window.

Thanks so much for coming back to me so quickly!

I've weaned off the meds I couldn't have if I was pregnant (sorry should have said that in my OP) with the agreement of my epilepsy nurse and thankfully all is OK.

Cycle is super regular but AWFUL periods since second covid jab - maybe coincidence but maybe not. Still glad I had it! I'll be sure to reiterate that to my GP though so thanks.

Folic acid I've heard mentioned - should I start before TTC or when we start? A question for my GP I guess, just always great to get the experience of mums on this stuff!

Start folic acid now.

Agree you don’t need any fertility tests before ttc. Just go and see your gp and discuss epilepsy & folic acid. enjoy getting down to business 😉 xo

Diet needs to be A1. So reduce caffeine, alcohol and processed foods. Your body is a temple! Eat clean!

Start folic acid now. It's crucial for developing baby in first few weeks so they recommend you build up your own stores at least 3mo before pregnancy.

GP won't do any preconception care. They are there if it becomes a struggle (after 6 months if over 35, after 1 year if under 35).

Best way to ensure you are hitting all fertile days and giving yourselves the best chance at conceiving is to have sex.

If you are not in a healthy weight range try to gently lose or gain to get there. Maintain exercise but do not add heaps or intense exercise. Wat well but there's no evidence that diet needs to be squeaky clean.

Once you actually start- as you are aware, valproate is teratogenic so is alcohol and pure form vitamin A (including medication taken for skincare). So avoid these if you may be pregnant.

Meant to type Best way to ensure you are hitting all fertile days and giving yourselves the best chance at conceiving is to have sex at least every 2-3 days. Of course you know you need to have sex

I think most covered above but thought I'd chime in re self-employment as I am also self employed. I haven't experienced this yet as obviously I am still TTC (12months in) but have done a fair bit of research as I went into self employment right at the start of TTC. You will almost certainly qualify for Maternity Allowance which is the same amount as SMP (both of which are no where near enough but there you go, you'll get the same as many employed people who don't have enhanced mat pay). You get this for 36 weeks, and can take from week 26 of pregnancy if you wish. The big issue for me is that you cannot do ANY paid work while receiving MA, so tbh depending on how I feel I will probably not take 36 weeks and go back to self employment as I should be able to earn more from few hours work than I would from MA. Anyway, you do get something!

My biggest fear self employment wise is what happens if I am either very ill in pregnancy (and unable to work as much) or if future fertility treatment impacts my ability to work. Obviously no sick pay/time off, so that prospect is stressful but if you've been self employed for a while you probs know the benefits of being self employed (flexibility etc) that might outweigh all of that!

One last thing, hate to be a pessimist, but I wish someone had been really upfront with me when I started this (especially if you are a proactive, impatient, planner sort like me) - you need to be mentally and emotionally aware that this might not happen quickly. I hope it does, for many many people it doesn't. And a lot of it is genuinely outside of your control. The only thing you absolutely must be doing right now is take folic acid, don't smoke (either of you) and have lots of regular sex. I would personally recommend OPKs, BBT temping and trying to keep yourself sane!

Good luck!

Totally agree with @Aubyone- even if neither of you have any fertility challenges, it can still take a while. Up to a year is normal.

Sorry if I am being thick but surely you just take folic acid and have sex?
If nothing happens after a year, that’s when you go to the gp?

Thanks so much for everyone who took the time to share their experiences and recommendations, I really appreciate it 

@Hortonhearsadoctorwho Well yes the fact we need to shag to have a baby was obviously on my radar already! I just thought it would be useful for me to ask for people's advice / things they wish they had done or asked about when TTC and also maternity financial planning as a self employed person - thanks especially to the person who shared thoughts on that! Lots of people on here say 'I wish I had known xyz before starting a family' so I wanted to tap into the MN wisdom.

I am using the easy@home ovulation sticks from Amazon, you can get a whole box for very cheap! I use the premom app and also fertilityfriend to chart temperature and ovulation sticks. I really recommend the fertilityfriend website www.fertilityfriend.com/Faqs/
It has an answer for pretty much every question you could come up with! Really useful!

Fair enough! To be fair most people are more organised than me! Good luck