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I Need Some Advice, Unexpected Pregnancy

2 replies

AnneB94 · 04/11/2021 01:24

So I'm 23. I graduated last year high a first class degree. The past two months have been a wild ride for me. Two months ago a relationship ended with a man I loved. Then a month ago I lost my job. The same day I lost my job, I met a guy at work who seemed sweet, he offered to take me on a date. I was drunk on that date and did it unprotected, took plan B but clearly that failed.

So I've recently found out I'm pregnant, about 5 weeks (100% not my ex's). I tried telling my best friend but they just got angry at me and told me how I should have used protection like I don't already know that. I've told the father who given the circumstances has been very supportive. He doesn't want it as he's about to go into the Marines and thinks his absence mixed with us not being stable financial isn't fair on the child. However, he has said if I do want to keep it he wants to be in its life and try a relationship with me.

Thing is I'm frightened and I don't know. It's my choice but I'm torn. I don't have a job currently but that could change, I've got at least 7 months to get some money behind me. But then I feel bad that my child will never have a romantic story of their parents meeting. There is still a chance the father might get cold feet if I do keep it so they might not have a father. Then I worry that I wouldn't be a good mother. Fear of the birth and fear from the horror stories I hear of raising children. Then there is the judgment of the child's father. Even if we lie and say we were dating I know I'll be judged for getting pregnant 2 months after being dumped by a guy that broke my heart.

But I do want them. When I saw that pregnancy test and the multiple more that followed my first instinct wasn't fear, I was content. It's only when other people chimed in I started to fear it all and question it. I'll have a good support network around me. My mother has already suggested I have a child and she thinks 23 is a fine age to have one. I've always wanted children and I won't miss the life I have right now too much. I've been a student, I've done the wild parties and late nights, getting drunk bores me now. I have a healthy social life but most are 25+ so enjoy meeting for a cuppa or at a cafe more than bars or parties. So it's not like I'd miss my youth, I've had it. Then I saw a girl I went to school with who graduated alongside me announce she is pregnant at 21 and it made me realise although younger, the only difference between us is she is in a long term relationship. Both recent graduates and pregnant.

I don't know what I'm looking for. Advice I guess. My brain is scrambled eggs at the moment, I'm frightened and I hope I can find some advice without judgement on here.

Thank you.

OP posts:
JessieLongleg · 04/11/2021 01:47

I think you need to read up on women
have experience like you have. Think about what family support you have. Sort yourself out some councilling as you have to make you own decision over this and councilling can be a non judgement space to talk about you fears for the future.

SisforSoppy · 04/11/2021 02:19

OP, congratulations on your pregnancy. It’s really difficult to advise you as everyone is different. If you have the baby you will cope, but it will be hard. I had an unplanned pregnancy with a very new boyfriend in my mid 30s. The boyfriend stuck around and is now my DH. Had I hoped for a romantic love story? Yes, but by my mid 30s I was desperate for a baby also. I certainly wouldn’t terminate a pregnancy because it’s not accompanied or pre dated by a love story and a perfect wedding. I had a house and a career behind me at the time of becoming pregnant, so I was financially independent regardless of whether the dad stuck around or not. Good luck x

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