Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

How do I help a friend TTC?

12 replies

newy · 11/12/2007 13:05

Hope you don't mind me coming into this group but thought you might be the best people to ask. I have a good friend who is TTC and has been for a while. A group of friends got together at the weekend and she was the only one not pregnant or had children and was clearly upset. She doesn't really talk about it so I'm not sure if I should say anything as I don't want her to feel I am 'prying'. On the other hand, she is my friend and I want to support her.

What would be the best way to do this? I thought after xmas I could get together with her in a non-baby related way but should I bring the baby thing up or wait to see if she does?

OP posts:
PetitFilou1 · 11/12/2007 16:10

I would say 'you seemed upset the other day etc, if you don't want to talk about it I'll understand but I don't like seeing you like that' I wouldn't leave it until after Christmas. She might be wondering why no-one noticed she was upset!

Ready · 11/12/2007 16:49

Totally agree with petitfilou - offer her the chance to share it with you. Chances are she may well not take that chance.

It is such an emotionally draining thing, and even worse when it seems everyone else around you is having babies. Perhaps approach her with a card, or an email rather than face to face, as she may feel more receptive in pouring her heart out to you without actually being in the same room. If that makes sense?

Did she make it common knowledge that she was going to be ttc? If so, and it is taking a long time, she probably feels under even more pressure (if that is even possible) with the situation.

I see have a little baby, did it take you long to conceive? If it didn't then it might be harder for her to open up to you - if it took a while then perhaps that is something you might mention to let her feel she is not alone, even though she feels like she is.

It's lovely that you are concerned about her - lots of people get their BFPs and then forget about the ones left behind - I think she's lucky to have you as a friend, and may well love to talk to you about it all.

Tread carefully, I'm sure you will

Ready · 11/12/2007 16:51
  • Sorry about that stream of consciousness, it just struck a chord with me ... meant to say congratulations on becoming a mum and enjoy your first christmas with your bundle of joy
digitalgirl · 11/12/2007 16:57

For a second I thought you were posting about me (ttc also makes you incredibly self-obsessed)! but then I realised not all my friends are pg/with children...I've written this so many times it feels like a cliche, but TTC is such an emotional rollercoaster. She may have been feeling particularly upset on the weekend, probably coming to the end of another cycle with no 'news' to tell. She could be feeling ok about it by now.

I agree with petitfilou, try and see her before xmas, on her own without the rest of the group.

NAB3littlemonkeys · 11/12/2007 16:58

Just dipping in but what about reflexology? I have heard of lots of people this has worked for.

NAB3littlemonkeys · 11/12/2007 16:58

Sorry, missed the point.

Ready · 11/12/2007 17:00

good point NAB3 - It is a valid point. When I just saw the thread title I thought "donate eggs"

SheherazadetheSwedishjulbok · 12/12/2007 12:54

do mention that you noticed that she was upset and does she want to talk. do not..

1 tell her to relax and or go on holiday.

2 relate anecdotes about people you know who have ttc and managed after 5 years.

3 tell her to count her blessings.

it is a tricky one but you do sound lovely for caring.

Original poster
newy · 12/12/2007 13:46

Thank you for all your messages. Ready, I didn't take long to conceive but due to existing health problems I had other issues with pregnancy and was readmitted post birth so not really plain sailing although that's a different problem.
She hasn't made it common knowledge or really brings it up at all but it was fairly obvious she was finding it hard. I thought about email but didn't know if that was a bit impersonal? I was going to call but then that puts her on the spot.

ps ready, I really don't think my eggs would be up to scratch!

OP posts:
Original poster
newy · 12/12/2007 19:46

Just to let you know, I sent my friend an email saying I noticed she was a bit down and was there anything I can do. She said she is finding baby things a bit difficult but appreciated the thought. we are going on a babyfree shopping trip after xmas.

Please keep everything crossed for her (except legs perhaps...)

OP posts:
Ready · 13/12/2007 08:55

Newy, sorry to hear that you had medical issues - hope you are well now. Sorry if I sounded blase about your pregnancy, not intentional.
I'm so pleased you emailed your friend - and hopefully she will feel she can open up to you. How about telling her to come on MN? There is a thread for people ttc #1, and also one for those who have been ttc #1 for a long time - Not that she won't want to talk to you, but sometimes it is nice to have anonymity to really let go of your inner feelings. Just a thought... we would welcome her with open arms

Original poster
newy · 13/12/2007 11:13

Thanks ready, I'm jogging along fine at the mo. Will suggest MN to her if she's not on here already. I'm keeping everything crossed for you

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread