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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Taking a break

15 replies

Conundrum12345 · 27/10/2021 11:31

I miscarried in April, it went on for several months. For 4 months my OH and I have been ttc but with no success.

I've been finding life a real struggle especially in the past month or so, and am getting professional help. My OH wants us to take a break from ttc just until I get back on my feet but I'm worried that it'll be chances gone down the drain. I'm 36 and time is ticking

Would love some advice

OP posts:

GoodnightGrandma · 27/10/2021 11:32

Just have sex.
If you know when you’re fertile have sex, but don’t tell him or make it obvious.
Take the pressure off him.

Original poster

Conundrum12345 · 27/10/2021 11:38

@GoodnightGrandma

Just have sex. If you know when you’re fertile have sex, but don’t tell him or make it obvious. Take the pressure off him.

I think he's more worried about me and the anxiety TTC is causing me.

OP posts:

InTheNightWeWillWish · 27/10/2021 11:40

It’s important that you both look after your MH during TTC. For some people, that will be continuing with TTC and for some it will be taking a break. Everyone needs different things. It sounds like your partner might need a break. However, if you feel you’ll get back on your feet by continuing that’s a conversation to have with him, explain what you think will help. Decisions don’t have to be permanent. So you can take a break for a little while and realise it’s not working and reopen the conversation. You can’t also continue but then decide you might need a break.

I wouldn’t just have sex and not tell him. I think TTC is lonely enough and you shouldn’t have to exclude your partner, especially to take the pressure off him. Sometimes it does mean you’re at a slight crossroads and you need to work it out between the two of you.

Lijay1 · 27/10/2021 11:45

First if all I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a tough thing to go through. I miscarried the end of march, have been TTC ever since with no success. I'm glad you're getting help.
There's so many threads on here with women conceiving over 40 so if it will help, taking a couple of months off, your time isn't running out. I echo the comments above, if you don't want to stop TTC maybe take a more relaxed approach and don't track anything just have sex.
From my own experience but everyone is different. I have also really struggled this past month as my due date came and passed and I still wasn't pregnant but we've tried to enjoy just being two of us again. We kind of lost that in the grief. We have agreed to be relaxed until after Christmas, we've booked some time away and I get to drink over Christmas which I wouldn't be able to do if I was pregnant.

Hopefulhedgehog · 27/10/2021 12:07

@GoodnightGrandma

Just have sex. If you know when you’re fertile have sex, but don’t tell him or make it obvious. Take the pressure off him.

Wow really...sigh?!

Hopefulhedgehog · 27/10/2021 12:12

Really sorry OP to hear you are finding it so tough. Is there more going on or do you feel that TTC is the root cause of how you're feeling? It's so hard because the process is so consuming and stressful but the it feels the only way out is to keep going. Is there a particular aspect you find adds to your stress eg testing, timing etc?

Berkeys · 27/10/2021 12:17

I found a couple of months off really helpful (age 39). I was having monthly chemicals for months in a row and it was really affecting my mental health. Just I am now reluctant to go back to ttc, despite fact I really want one! But we are going to try IVF now so that helps.

Original poster

Conundrum12345 · 27/10/2021 12:45

@Hopefulhedgehog

I think TTC coupled with my miscarriage are making it very stressful. I've asked my OH to throw out all the OPKs etc.

My GP has referred me onto a therapist as she feels I'm suffering from depression. My miscarriage was very physically traumatic as well as mentally demanding

OP posts:

IsabelHerna · 27/10/2021 13:41

First of all, you are young! Start tracking your ovulation and DTD on the right days. No worries, no plan, just learning your own body and enjoy the process. Now, if you don't have a bfp until spring time, talk to your gp

Hopefulhedgehog · 27/10/2021 16:45

@IsabelHerna how do you enjoy the process and not plan while also tracking ovulation and scheduling DTD... asking for a friend...

Berkeys · 27/10/2021 16:50

There’s nothing enjoyable about TTC! It’s awful

Hopefulhedgehog · 27/10/2021 17:26

@Berkeys

There’s nothing enjoyable about TTC! It’s awful

Just RELAX

Hopefulhedgehog · 27/10/2021 17:35

@Conundrum12345 it sounds like you still need some help to process your loss. You could allow yourself a few months without TTC while you concentrate on that and see how you get on - thinking rationally, a few months is not going to make a huge difference in terms of your age and better to get into a good headspace for TTC. x

Berkeys · 27/10/2021 17:45

@Hopefulhedgehog hehe

Aargh, the relaxation/enjoy it people are the absolute worst. I have had a lot of objectively tough times in my life (from early childhood) and consider myself fairly resilient but ttc, recurrent loss and infertility is the most stressful and emotionally upsetting thing I have gone though yet. Relax, sure…

IsabelHerna · 22/11/2021 20:12

He needs help as well. A mc is not easy to deal with, you both need time to grief. why don't you try couple's therapy? A few sessions should help you out. Also, if he is sure that he needs more time, I would say consider freezing an embryo.

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