Is it the right time??

[TinyDancer91]

I've been with my partner for 2 years, we've just moved in to our new house (buying together) and we are 30 (me) and 34 (him). We've talked about having kids before (as in talked about having them in the future) and both really want a family.

I've been feeling a bit sick the past few days and he asked me jokingly if I was pregnant. It got me thinking, would it be such a bad thing if I was... but also makes me a little scared of it all actually happening... I've been thinking about planning our family more & more over the past few months.

So, my questions to you lovely people are;

How did you know it was the right time for you? Did you know it was the right time?
I'm currently on the pill(Cerazette), but I only have a few days supply left - how long after stopping taking the pill did it take for you to conceive?
Does the fact that I feel scared by the thought of having a baby mean I'm not ready? Is this normal?

Just want to add, we've got an amazing support network around us that would help whenever we do decide it's the right time. However, I don't want to discuss with either side of the family yet as don't want to get anyone's hopes up until it actually happens for us (is this normal/unreasonable?)

It took a good 12 months after finishing cerazette for my periods to regulate but the mini pill itself stopped my periods completely for years! I don't know that you can ever really know when the right time is, there's always going to be pros and cons whenever. Having my boys has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm a single mum and yes it's really hard, but they are so fulfilling... I couldn't imagine life without them. I just wish I had the support of a partner to enjoy them more. If part of you is thinking you're ready then just go for it and see what happens! 🥰

I stopped cerezette and got pregnant 6 weeks later with my daughter.

6 months for me. Everyone is different.

2 years is not much in the grand scheme of things to get to know someone and trust them fully.

And I'm old-fashioned like that, but I'd want to be married before I gave someone a baby. I would want the financial security and the knowledge he can't just up and leave consequence free is he changes his mind.

If*

To be honest I wouldn't have a child with someone I'd been with only 2 years and who've you've only just moved in with

@TinyDancer91 only you know if he is the right person to do this with - I don’t think time matters personally. You can be with someone many more years and it doesn’t work. There are no guarantees. Time together doesn’t equate to more security. This person has to be there when the chips are down, the baby is screaming, you don’t feel your best and your life together has changed forever. And he has to feel the same about you! There is no right time to have a baby.

I would say it might take longer than you think so start when you both feel ready, average is 8 months but, it could take just 1. Just my opinion!

[quote FlyOnTheWall89]@TinyDancer91 only you know if he is the right person to do this with - I don’t think time matters personally. You can be with someone many more years and it doesn’t work. There are no guarantees. Time together doesn’t equate to more security. This person has to be there when the chips are down, the baby is screaming, you don’t feel your best and your life together has changed forever. And he has to feel the same about you! There is no right time to have a baby.

I would say it might take longer than you think so start when you both feel ready, average is 8 months but, it could take just 1. Just my opinion![/quote]
How can time not matter? Anyone can be the perfect partner and keep up appearances for a few month or a year or two. Abusive men are experts on love bombing and future faking.

Can you luck out and pop out a kid with someone you've dated 3 months? Sure, it happens. But that's the exception, not the rule.

It takes time for people to drop their mask and reveal themselves to you. It takes living together and getting through some hard times together to really see what they're made of.

And sure, someone might cheat on you or leave you after decades of marriage. But using that as an argument to rush into parenthood with someone is like saying no use in wearing a seatbelt because you could still die in an accident. Silly.

Just to clarify, we've been together for 2 years, known each other longer, living together for almost 2 years and have just bought our own house together. I wouldn't be jumping in to anything like this if we had only just started living together.

Hi, there are lots of very strong opinions here about 'time' and I just wanted to add my own experience.
I am currently 5+4 with my first child, I've been with my partner a year and we've lived together for 9 months.
I'm 30, he's 32.
I was in an abusive relationship previously and was single for 3 years before meeting him.
He was previously married.
Everyone is different and you cannot compare your own experience with someone else's. My relationship is solid, I never believed the saying 'when you know you know' but I really feel very secure in this relationship.
As for 'being married first for financial stability', that's really down to you. I personally don't think that is a reason to marry somebody and have always made sure that I am financially stable myself.
OP, you have to do what feels right for yourself and your partner. Married, single, long term or short term, the relationship isn't guaranteed and that's what makes life so great.
Best of luck to you xxx

@TinyDancer91

Just to clarify, we've been together for 2 years, known each other longer, living together for almost 2 years and have just bought our own house together. I wouldn't be jumping in to anything like this if we had only just started living together.

Sorry, I was rambling on regarding the "time doesn't matter assertion", not about your specific situation.

Living together 2 years is a good foundation already.

I completely agree @jadeypies.

Just to add… 2 year in a pandemic and at the age you guys are is also quite different to early 20s and ‘normal life’. As I said, only you guys know When the time is right and nothing is guaranteed, ever. Character stands for a lot. I am on cycle 7 trying for our first baby. We have been together 2 years. Previously I had a 7 year relationship and I can say this one is completely different and I don’t even question if it’s the right thing to do based on ‘time together’. I would never have done it with my ex (my gut said not to) despite having heaps more life experience together. We are a similar age to you guys too.

@JudgementalCactus how long is long enough for someone to ‘reveal’ themselves and drop their mask? I think that’s super cynical.

Good luck!

@jadeypies I totally agree with you. Me and my husband were together for 8 years, 1 year married when he walked out on me during my second pregnancy completely out of the blue so waiting until you hit a milestone of years may not be the key. I think you just have to decide whether you're happy, feel secure, feel supported and if that's what you want to do next. If you do feel the above then absolutely go for it and enjoy it!

I am currently TTC, and I have been pregnant twice in the last year (both m.c.) I think it is normal enough to be a little scared/ nervous. Both my husband and I really want to start a family, but I am a little nervous, you are bring a new life into the world, a tiny person who will 100% reliant on you for absolutely everything to begin!

Living together for two years will have been plenty of time to see the "real" person. With my ex after nearly 4 years together, we lived together for less than a year before I realised he was not the man for me.