CD 35, constant BFN's, baby lost in June and going mad!

[BabyO21]

Hi all,

Just looking for other experiences really as my doctor's seem to be lacking any understanding. Just want to give a little bit of background first:

I fell pregnant December 2020 with my first child, a little boy (Oscar). Everything was perfect until 27 weeks at a private scan we were told there was fluid around Oscar's brain. We went through six weeks of testing and and MRI etc and was told Oscar had been having strokes and seizures in utero that essentially completely destroyed his brain. He would never walk, talk, move independently, and continue having strokes and seizures once born. We made the heartbreaking decision to end the pregnancy to prevent him being in pain. I was 33 weeks when I gave birth to my beautiful little boy.

I'm now 4 months on from losing Oscar and for a while I was completely against trying for another baby. However since we hit his due date in August I realised how empty our home is. Oscar's room was all ready, he had a wardrobe full of clothes. We have no living children and are desperate to be parents.

I had my first period since losing Oscar on 5th September. We'd been given the green light by genetics to try again, so we did. I wasn't tracking my ovulation or anything in September as I thought we'd be waiting a while for genetics, but we heard back early so started trying around the middle of September.

It's now 35 days since my last period began. I'm not sure of my cycle lengths as that was the first since losing Oscar. I keep testing and getting BFN's. For about a week and a half I've had the odd day where I've been convinced AF is coming, but it just hasn't. Had a few days where I've been cramping, then nothing. Had a few days with very thick white discharge (sorry for TMI). Then yesterday had a very little amount of pinky/brown discharge. Not really any proper pregnancy symptoms other than dizziness which I had when I found out I was pregnant with Oscar.

Has anyone else had a cycle go on this long and get a BFP? I spoke to the doctor as I'm anxious about pregnancy since losing Oscar, but they're not listening unfortunately.

Thank you for your help 💙

Firstly let me say how sorry I am for your loss. Oscar clearly means everything to you and I can tell how much you're hurting.

I've lost three babies (two boys and a girl), all of them twins (two sets each boy/girl). They are survived by their sister who was born at 22 weeks. Her brother was with us for four days and we had to make the agonising decision to let him go after he started suffering seizures which they said would mean he would never walk or talk. He wouldn't be able to feed himself or play or do anything we consider 'normal'. They told us he would be profoundly and severely disabled for life. He died in my arms after being taken off the ventilator. We didn't want him to suffer and struggle through life as your little Oscar would have done.

Our story is very similar to yours so I understand some of your pain. Like you, we are TTC. How long is your cycle normally? It may be your body trying to get back to normal after your loss.

Please keep posting. I'll watch out for any replies.

Take care and all the best