Dealing with the heartbreak of TTC

[wannabemumof2]

Hi ladies,

First time poster, long time lurker. Just after some advice really. DH and I have been trying for baby #2 for five cycles now and no luck. I know 5 months isn't particularly long but each month I'm symptom spotting and though telling myself I'm not pregnant, I keep secretly believing that I am and break my heart over each negative test. DD was conceived on the first cycle so we were incredibly lucky but it left me with the silly notion that it would happen easily again. I sobbed all morning over 2 negative tests (no I didn't trust the first one apparently) and just can't go on like this. Everyone says to relax but frankly it's just not possible for me. How do you cope and manage the sadness and frustration? I keep making assumptions like 'oh I'll drive at Christmas because I'm sure I'll be pregnant by then so no drinks for me' or refusing to buy tickets to a concert I'd love because I may have a newborn by then. I feel like I'm living in limbo and feel so lonely!

Any advice would be appreciated, thank you if you read this far!

@wannabemumof2 could of pretty much written your post as well.

AF just turned up for cycle 5 for me ttc #2. I have a DD. Who is 3.5 so older and way past age gap I wanted but we couldn’t try until recently due to health issues. I’ve wanted a baby for a long time. So I’m finding it hard having to “wait as such”

I fell first time as well. Had a mc. And then my DD took 7 cycles!! I couldn’t understand what was going on lol!!! Hoped this time would be fast again…but nope!!!

So frustrating and feeling defeated. Like it won’t happen bla bla. When likely it will…Eugh. You all get it.

Onto cycle 6… let’s keep each other company. It can be a slog right.

Hi! Is there room for another? Relate to a lot of your posts!
I have a DD (4) who I conceived first time and didn’t know much about it all like @Hoping43
This is our 8th cycle of officially trying but came off the pill over a year ago. I’m due on on Friday (but 11 dpo). We have had two miscarriages since March too which I find so frustrating!

I’m trying to forget about it but currently not succeeding!! Loving some of your suggestions. @FlyOnTheWall89 each of the times I got pregnant but miscarried was when I’d given up. So I need to give up clearly!

How do you deal with having a much older child than you’d wanted? I’m going to end up with a 5 year age gap or more if I do have another. Part of me wants to just give up!

@Fredthefish don’t give up! I go through that in my head and think we will stop once she will be of school age. Which is only 3/4 months or trying. But realistically that want for a baby isn’t going to go away.

The age gap is what it is now. It was out of my control and still is as can’t control when you fall.

I wanted a 2.5 age gap 😂😂😂 DD will be 4.5 at least I think but I’ve had to be rational.

Maybe this is what is meant for me and our family. And once it happens I won’t wish it was any other way.

(Equally I cry each cycle and think time is slipping away for me too. It’s craps. Hugs)

Literally feeling the same about age gaps, DD just turned 3..so if we're lucky enough to fall DD will easily be 4 or 4 and half by the time baby is here..

Hi, can I join too?
I could have written the original post. DC1 was conceived first cycle, now we're on cycle 4, and it's all just a little bit sad each month. DH doesn't get it, he just shows up when I ask him to (mostly!) and he is now taking the vitamins I gave him. I've been taking folic acid since feb/March, and am now on vit c too because i have quite a short luteal phase.
A lot of my friends have already had their second, when their first is the same age or younger than mine (he's 2).
I also spend some time each month looking at possible due dates, when the 12 week scan would be etc 🙈

3rd day of AF..but it’s hit me harder this cycle. Still can’t shake the disappointment this time round ☹️

AF was 2 days late this month, itsnever late, like ever, got my hopes up and bam it's here today. I've lost count, think I'll be going into cycle 7. Best friend just announced to everyone she's pregnant and I'm finding it hard to be around anyone. I just want it to happen so badly and it's not. Got an appointment soon to check my bloods and DHs swimmers to see if there is a problem. Its so disheartening. I feel like I'm seeing pregnancy and babies everywhere 😩

@Hope18 my DS has also just turned 3. Was really thinking I'd be pregnant by now. Even worse people keep asking if I want more and when will we have a second. I suppose you assume if people have had one a 2nd will be easy. Honestly I feel myself feeling so sad and thinking about it all the time

@Kk200989 I’ll be entering my 7th cycle too..AF due next couple of days and got BFN today so know I’m out.

My DD is 3 and half. So yes time is of the essence for us too.
Had a big cry at DH today as he’s sad too it hasn’t happened quicker due to the age gap we will have.

Sigh. It’s hard. But got to stay positive. We’ve only done half of what can be considered normal. I try remind myself that!

I could have written your OP myself, I am exactly the same. No advice I'm afraid but sending a hug

@Kk200989 I feel the same as you and I’m now on cycle 7 trying for baby number 1 - over that 6 month number feels shit. It’s really hard when people ask questions / make presumptions. I guess just know they’re not doing it on purpose, it’s just you don’t know how it feels until you’ve been through it. Presumably you’re going privately for bloods and swimmer check? I am debating doing this too. I feel more calm on CD3 but think my anxiety would be eased by checking things are okay. Any idea how much the checks are?

@Decaffe

I could have written your OP myself, I am exactly the same. No advice I'm afraid but sending a hug

To add, we are only on the fifth cycle of TTC number 1, but I am old. I was so sure I would fall pregnant straight away - as that's what they taught us at school - that we put it off. I wish we hadn't.

@FlyOnTheWall89 private checks around my area are about £500 for like AMH and SA checks etc.

When ttc my first as it took a while after mc I had a scan to check health of my uterus and ovaries and lining etc was adequate as I worried about light period. And that was £150. Funnily enough I fell that cycle was cycle 7 for me!

So hoping this is my lucky cycle 7 too! Just waiting for AF to show as know im not pregnant 😤

So it can just take time. Even thought it’s hard to workout HOW?! Must be drowning in the stuff 😂😂

Oh my god I could have written this. First baby month number 1, now TTC number 2 and I'm just going onto cycle 4.

I literally want Craig David tickets for next year (biggest fan) and not buying them cos what if?

I feel you. I have decided to live in the present altho I know that isn't as easily said as done.

@FlyOnTheWall89 my gp was really good, said we'd been trying etc, How many months, what we had been doing and he jut said I'll send you for some tests. Have to wait for it to fall so many days after AF so unlikely there will be any trying this month. But just be useful to know. DS is with hubby and he happened straight away, so just frustrating and upsetting why it's not happening now. Maybe speak to your GP, mine was so helpful