Silent miscarriage after 2 years TTC - broken 😞

[Kelb79]

Hi everyone,
I just really needed to share as I feel like I’m falling apart completely.
I’m 42, no previous pregnancies. We started TTC in July 19. Nothing. We started the fertility treatment ball rolling in December 20, had a couple of tests but Covid halted everything.
It was a crazy hard time, TTC during Covid with nothing better to think about really messed me up!!
The referral properly kicked off again this summer and was moving forward quickly, all tests came back good and I was booked for a laparoscopy on the 27th august so I did a test on the 23rd to rule out pregnancy and it came back positive!!
My first ever BFP!
I’ve spent the last month completely overwhelmed but overjoyed, it just felt so unreal!
We had a viability scan at 7 weeks abs there was a strong heartbeat and everything was going well. Then, on Thursday, I had a little bleed. It stopped but I had a scan yesterday for reassurance - but they couldn’t find a heartbeat 💔
The baby has gone to sleep but my body doesn’t know and is carrying on as normal. I’ve been sent home with info to decide whether to sit it out and wait for a natural miscarriage or have a D&C (which I can’t straight away as it’s the weekend!)
This is the most awful tine if my life, I’m completely in limbo, I can’t believe it and can’t grieve for a baby I haven’t actually lost. My body is still acting pregnant and it’s messing with my head completely
I feel so horribly lost I don’t know what to do 😞

I am so sorry, both infertility and miscarriages are cruel but to have one piled on top of the other is heartbreaking.

Oh @Kelb79 I'm so sorry to read this, it's heartbreaking. I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will get through this and then you'll be able to make a decision about whether you want to try again. You said your tests all came back with good results - that's a big positive to hold on to. But for now, just take things day by day, allow yourself to feel whatever you feel (grief, anger, sadness, sometimes numbness) and do whatever you need to do to get you through