How hard is it really to get pregnant at 35?

[Mudra85]

Hi All,

I'm 35 and have just had one NHS-funded failed round of IVF (chemical pregnancy). We're eligible for another round of funded IVF but were told this week that all the funding has been allocated for this year and that we'd have to wait until March to start a new cycle.

Now, here's the thing, we went down the IVF route to avoid having a child with a serious genetic condition I'm a carrier for. There's a 25% chance of having an affected child with each pregnancy. I've been pregnant before at age 34 (in 2020) but we found out our baby boy was affected with the condition and chose to terminate the pregnancy.

Given my age, 6 months seems like an awfully long time to wait, so we've decided to try naturally (as scary as that is given our history) and then have prenatal testing as early as possible to determine if the baby is affected with the condition.

However, I realise that even though neither of us have any known fertility issues we'd be very lucky to get pregnant within 6 months given my age.

Does anyone have any experiences of getting pregnant at 35 or older? How long did it take of active trying to get there?

I have a balance translocation which my DC could have inherited as an unbalanced translocation - resulting in Down Syndrome. Around 5% of DS cases are inherited in this way.

We paid privately for a Harmony test. Although, the screening tests for Trisomy 21, not translocation DS. Therefore, we paid for extra anomaly screening ultrasounds to check for indicators of DS.

*balanced (not balance)

The main research on this that is still used is from the 19th century! Why then you ask? Well since there was no contraception, researchers looked back at the available data and compared age of woman at marriage with whether they a child.

Virtually every woman who married at age 20-35 had at least 1 child, around 90% if the women aged 35-39, 62% of women aged 40-44 and 14% aged 45-49.

And this was in the 1800s! We are much healthier now and living much longer lives. I can’t believe they’re still using the same old stuff to scare and shame women.

Starting trying aged 37, still trying 16 months later. 9 losses (mostly chemical but a couple of mcs). Varies for everyone.

First pregnancy - age 36 - conceived in two months but resulted in miscarriage.

Second pregnancy - age 36 - conceived in four months (a month before my 37th birthday) but also resulted in miscarriage.

Third pregnancy - age 38 - conceived in five months (just after I turned 39) and resulted in a healthy baby.

Well I conceived the first time I had unprotected sex age 23, took 2 months age 27 and here I am at 34, been trying a year, one chemical in that time. Perfect regular cycles.

So for me, it's been impossible! With the same DH. He's 10 years older though - so that could be making a difference.

First pregnancy-one month at 35. Second one 3 months at 38. I come from a line of older mums - not sure if that helped.

Wishing you all the best. I

I had my son at 35 with no problems conceiving. I had severe preeclampsia as my mum had with me at 21. I think that's down to genetics though as I had no other risk factors. I think if you have problems conceiving at 35 you're likely to have had problems at 25.

Somewhere between easy and difficult is the only answer that is actually accurate.

I have friends in their mid-thirties who have conceived within a month or starting trying, I have friends who tried for years, so much of it will come down to you and your partner's general fertility more than age.

I was 34 and 36 and we were very lucky - first month trying for both of mine.

@beanchopper17

I'm under active thyroid, and insulin resistant.

Fast800 and then sticking with low carb/intermittent fasting got my BMI down from over 40 to 23 in under a year.

Could be such an easy fix for you. And even if you then need help getting pregnant your BMI wouldn't stop you from getting fertility treatment anymore.

I'm 41, conceived after 4th cycle, ended in mc, now on 4th cycle from mc hoping for a as successful 🌈 baby

@SheWoreYellow

Nhs figures. You’re obviously at the low end of the age bracket though.

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/trying-for-a-baby/how-long-it-takes-to-get-pregnant/

Plus a chart

I think these figures are so far out of date it's not accurate at all

I just found article [[https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/apr/10/fertility-cliff-age-35-week-in-patriarchy]] from the Guardian a few months ago re: the belief that fertility massively declines at 35 which you may find interesting.

Oh, well I totally ballsed that up. Let me try again...

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/apr/10/fertility-cliff-age-35-week-in-patriarchy

Good luck OP!

Can you remain in the waiting list for a new cycle in March and keep ttc naturally in the meantime?

It’s highly variable. I conceived within two months at 32, two months at 34 (sadly not viable), and three months at 35. I would say though that I was much more single-minded about the whole thing during this last pregnancy - temping, eyeing up cervical mucus, using Preseed etc.

Thanks for the link and the chart @SheWoreYellow

@whatswithtodaytoday it's not SMA, but it is a form of muscular dystrophy. It's passed down on the X chromosome. If girls inherit it (like me) then they are asymptomatic carriers and if boys inherit it they are affected with the condition. It's an absolute curse, but your friends story is reassuring.

Thanks for sharing that info @SlateCoaster

@SweetBabyCheeses99 that is very reassuring data and like you say we are so much healthier now!

@Berkeys I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I hope you have some good news soon!

Thanks for sharing the article @Allium16 I've also heard that it's more like 37 than 35 that you need to start being concerned. This is exactly why I don't want to wait for IVF, which would take the best part of a year to complete with no guarantee of success, before trying again.

@IsabelHerna yep, that's the plan. We'll try in those 6 months and if nothing happens by say month 4 or 5 then we'll wait for the next IVF cycle in March. I'm planning on being much more targeted with timings this time than we were the first time, so we'll see what happens. Then if it does happen we'll have to hope we don't up on the crappy side of probability again. It feels like such a lottery.

I'm 34 and conceived on cycle 4 of TTC after only dtd once that month. So it can happen fairly easily for some.

I conceived fairly easily at 39 (dh 45).

Try and think positively OP 😊 as others have said, everyone is unique and different. I have a friend who easily conceived at 35 and 38 and had 2 beautiful healthy babies. If it were me I would definitely try naturally and if it’s meant for you it will happen, and do not (try not) to be disheartened if you do have to wait 6 months, time really does fly by and March will be here before we know it. Best of luck xx

6 months for us. I'm 39 and my husband is 50.

I gave birth at 35 but it took me three years to conceive (it was natural but the doctors wouldn’t let me do any investigative work as I was a healthy, fit person). I have lots of friends who had their first at 40 and some had their second at 42 and they all fell pregnant easily (within three months) so everyone is different. No answers I’m afraid but good luck, I know how lonely it feels when you are trying and that TWW always feels long

Sorry you're in this situation, that must be very daunting.

It took us 2 months with my first when I was 34 and 3 months with my second when I was 37. Good luck.

I'm 35 and 19 weeks pregnant with our first. It took us about 6 months, with the first couple of months working out when I ovulated.

The fertility declining after 35 is widely debunked as others have said - useful to remember that while the average age of women having their first baby has been increasing, women throughout history have always had children into their late 30s and 40s, it was just more often their 8th or 10th child by that point!