Having a second child over 40

[springseason22]

I'm 43 and have 1 DD who is now 3.
DH and I have been thinking about having a second but unsure. One I'm 43!!! Also flitting between yes and no!!!! But excited at the prospect...

No idea. Any older mums been in the same boat?

How old is your DH and are you both in good health and financially secure? Those are the main things I would base it on.

I think I would be hesitant in your position though (assuming DH is around your age). I think it is hard on children when they get into their 30's to be dealing with elderly parents. You'll already be over 60 by the time they are leaving sixth form/ college.

Really there is no right or wrong answer but there is just more to think about and more risks in every way.

I probably wouldn't do it, but then I don't know what it's like to be in your position and wanting a second child. Also depends how desperate you are. Why do you want a second child?

I had mine at 39 41 and 42
Your daughter is only young so no big age gap and you will be doing things with a teenager as an older parent anyway

I think I would be hesitant in your position though (assuming DH is around your age). I think it is hard on children when they get into their 30's to be dealing with elderly parents. You'll already be over 60 by the time they are leaving sixth form/ college

I did and am that sort of age. I hardly think I am an elderly parent

Do what you feel is right for you and your family!!!!
(I had my second at 40)

'You'll already be over 60 by the time they are leaving sixth form/ college.'

And? Life doesn't end at 60

Had my second child at 42. She is a joy and kept me young at heart and im 63 now. If you are physically fit then go for it

I’m 41 and trying for the second (for a while already but still hopeful). I really want my daughter to have a brother or sister, especially that we are both elder parents.

I’m 41 and due to give birth any day to DC2. I struggled throughout my 30s with getting pregnant and then got pregnant straight away (not actively trying) at 40. Pregnancy has been absolutely fine.

A friend has hers at 42 and 45 (IVF required) so not completely crazy. I have a few friends who have had babies in their 40s.

If you’re thinking about it then I’d crack on. Make sure you’re taking vitamins, CQ10 etc to improve egg quality and also have an upfront discussion about timescales and IVF - how long are you willing to try, what intervention would you go for if any. We agreed no IVF because I’d done x3 cycles prior to DD and I knew I wasn’t up for doing it again. Also need to be realistic about the miscarriage rate at this age - it might take a miscarriage or two along the way so be prepared for that. Good luck!

I’m 41 and pregnant with my second. I’m over the moon that my son will have a sibling. Older mums are much more common than younger ones where I am. I think there’s an unfounded stigma around ‘older’ mums. Someone in their forties can be more fit and healthy than someone in their thirties. Health depends on so many factors. Being in your 60s when your child is in their 20s seems absolutely fine to me!

Thank you for all your replies.

I was a little shocked to read 60 was old 😊

We are both financially comfortable and in good health. DH is same age.

I wouldn't go down IVF route - I think if we were to have a second we just see what happens naturally.

I think as my DD is now 3 you do get the idea that another would be nice. Being financially comfortable also makes it more attractive.

I am aware of the risks and was worried at having DD just a few days after my 40th!

It's such a difficult decision!

Be good to get more experiences from 40+

I had dd1 at 41 and dd2 at 44. Both conceived naturally and straightforward pregnancies.
They are a delight and dd1 loves having a sister. It's lovely to see them play together as well.
Dh and I are fit and healthy, have plenty of energy to do things with them and I've not found my age an issue with anything but in my own head to be honest.

I have a teenager and am the dreaded very old age of very nearly 60 where apparently I am so old I am incapable of doing anything for myself and am going to have to rely on my poor dc to do everything for me.

According to some people

In reality Dc and I are setting up a new business we have been researching.
I don’t need help in anything physical apart from cooking which I have never been good at. 5 burned kitchens, innumerable burnt pans and baking trays and meals which are described as burned offerings or strange tasting or strange coloured food (I have in the past got carried away adding strange herbs and spices to meals or using whatever was on hand as a substitute, mint chocolate chip ice cream, made for a dinner party. No mint but mouth wash is near enough isn’t it?

Maturity wise my dc are definitely older than me.

I'm 42 and pregnant with my second, will be 43 when I'm due. Got pregnant naturally and all straightforward so far. Always planned to have 2 but my dd really needed me the past couple of years and it just wasn't the right time. Now feels perfect for us. All families are different.

Why not?

Sounds right for your family...

Do it! I'm much fitter now than in my twenties and in a better frame of mind, more financial stability. I turn 40 soon. Honestly anyone over 35 I can never hazard a guess at their age. Everyone looks the same to me!

None of us know how long we will live, or whether we'll still be partying with the best of them at 100.