Bipolar disorder, later/older pregnancy

[user1474290084]

New to Mumsnet so I'm sorry if this has been repeated lots of times before.

I'm soon going to turn 37 and have long thought that my bipolar disorder means that I can't have children in case I become unwell while pregnant or soon after birth. I'm really frightened of the prospect of having a child that I might become too ill too look after properly and so if it would be selfish or irresponsible to become pregnant.

I know I might be "leaving it late" but later fertility runs in the family and my mum had me at 37 and my sister and both grandmothers had babies in their 40s. That's not what I'm worrying about.

I'm absolutely terrified of all the potential pregnancy and birth complications for women with chronic MH issues and, as much as I want children, I don't know if it's realistic. Is there any chance that I could be a good mum or would it be unfair to risk having a baby that I might not be able to look after well?

There are lots of good Mums that have MH issues.

A few things to consider though; how stable is your condition at the moment? Is it well managed on your current medication? Are you still under secondary services (psychiatry/ cmht)? Would you need to change or stop medication when pregnant or if breastfeeding? You could ask your doctor for a chat about it and about what support they could offer, possibly referral back to psych for meds review if needed.

What is your support network like? Partner? Friends? Family? Would they help with baby and do they support you with your MH usually? If you don't feel like this is a strength this is what I would work on before having a child.

The risk of post partum psychosis is slightly higher with bipolar, so often a bit of additional monitoring is useful. That said, peri natal MH services are much better than they used to be and could offer good support during that period if needed.

The nature (as I am sure you know!) of bipolar is that it has more settled periods and times where you feel low or can behave in irrational ways, depending on the impact this has on you and your ability to function, this might affect your ability to parent at that moment. But if you have planned and prepared and have got the support there so your child remains safe, cared for and supported that is still you being a good parent. (I hope that makes sense!)