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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Feeling guilty for struggling

9 replies

Frandler · 18/09/2021 08:33

Hi all,

I've rewritten this post numerous times, I just don't want to come off sounding too impatient and too self pitying.

Been TTC for 10 months and nothing. Nothing but really strong BFNs and it's starting to really weigh me down.

sigh... I had written all the things we've tried, ages, life styles.. but essentially all I want to know is if it's normal to get to this point and feel hopeless?

The guilt side of it comes from knowing there's so many people who've been trying for years, and I feel so guilty for already struggling! TTC truly is difficult both biologically and mentally.

OP posts:

Hopefulhedgehog · 18/09/2021 08:52

We’ve been trying for 10 months too so I feel your pain. After 6 months I started to feel like the honeymoon was over and we were really in for the long haul. I can’t help but think now that it might not happen for us naturally even though I know it’s ‘normal’ to take up to 12 months. We had our first gp appointment this week and that made me feel better that we were getting the ball rolling with that. I don’t really have any wise words for you but I am in the same place so understand how you feel xx

Original poster

Frandler · 18/09/2021 09:01

@Hopefulhedgehog

..Just knowing someone is feeling the same has made me feel comforted, validated and I'm tearing up. It's so difficult and I agree, the honeymoon period of it is completely gone. Last night we spoke about what happens next and ivf and adoption and wait times sent my mind into a panic.

That's why I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know that 'normal' pregnancy can take a year, but we are conditioned to think all it takes is one time.. so we spend our early lives taking contraception.

Was your GP willing to see you even though it's not been a full year? X

OP posts:

Hopefulhedgehog · 18/09/2021 09:07

We told them we had been trying for longer. I know that’s wrong but I just felt that with blood test delays and covid delays it might be ages until we could have any tests and it would probably be beyond 12 months by then. The GP was really nice and it made me feel better that we’d done something. I’m being sent for day 21 bloods but they are only doing urgent tests at the moment due to the blood bottle shortage so I’m not sure when I can have those yet, hopefully next cycle.

Teacaketotty · 18/09/2021 09:28

I’m completely with you ladies, we are on cycle 8 and expecting my period this weekend. It all starts to feel slightly hopeless and I’m really tired of it.

I have a 2 year old DD and we conceived her on month 8 so it feels awful that we’ve kind of past that landmark.

Have faith, I do believe it will happen for all of us - doesn’t make the monthly disappointment any easier!

Original poster

Frandler · 18/09/2021 09:44

@Hopefulhedgehog that's good to know. I'm glad your GP is helping and you're getting the ball rolling. I think I'm going to see the year out and try to book for the 1 year mark.. only because I could do with loosing a little more weight and wouldn't want that to be the reason that they won't help us 😔

@Teacaketotty I'm sorry it's taking a bit longer this time round for you. Makes it even worse when you know AF is just around the corner again. You just want to get it over with and try again next cycle ASAP. I'm due in 2-3 days.. it's been the longest cycle for me I think due to the second dose of Pfizer, so I'm sick of this cycle.

Thanks for your positivity ❤️ fingers crossed for all of us

OP posts:

Hopefulhedgehog · 18/09/2021 09:54

@Frandler I think that’s probably a good idea re your weight. One of the early questions was BMI and I do think they are wrongly a bit fixated with getting you into their ‘normal’ bracket of numbers - mine is quite low but I am just naturally quite tall/slim and always have been. GP told me to try and get my BMI up to a particular number - lucky it was a phone appointment so he couldn’t see my eyes rolling…

@Teacaketotty hope cycle 8 is lucky for you again x

Original poster

Frandler · 18/09/2021 10:29

@Hopefulhedgehog I agree that they wrongly fixate on BMI numbers, but I do see that they need a benchmark to go by to ensure that people are healthy if the NHS are paying for investigations, ivf etc.

I do think they need to look at people individually though. We're not all the same. Hopefully you'll get your bloods done soon just to know where you stand 👍

OP posts:

IsabelHerna · 20/09/2021 10:56

I am sorry you've found yourself here and I wish you will graduate before you hit the 1year mark.

Juno231 · 20/09/2021 11:16

@frandler just popping to say that BMI will only get in the way of treatment once you get to fertility clinic/IVF stage. That could take a year to get to so I'd advise not to delay. Also double check your local CCG policy as for most the cut off is a 30 BMI, but there are some that say 28.

For reference - I went for my first blood test in July last year and at the earliest would have started IVF this Nov as I have unexplained infertility. If you don't want an appointment at this point in time then it might make sense for OH to go get his SA done just to eliminate him?

I will say that the BMI levels are there for a reason though - once in the obese category women don't respond as well to the IVF drugs and the ultrasound scans are really difficult to perform for egg monitoring etc.

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