Conceiving Fears

[Brunette1989]

Hi,
I've not posted on here before but whenever I Google these threads come up so hoping I can get some advice/reassurance.
I'm 32 and finally found my forever partner. I've always wanted children and in May we unexpectedly got pregnant but we were both so happy. I miscarried at 7 weeks and it was really traumatic and I still grieve it now even though I know it was early and is common for a 1st pregnancy.
We have been trying since and I monitor when I'm ovulating and still not fallen pregnant. I know it's only been a few months and that's what people say to me and I should just be patient but I am absolutely terrified it won't happen again. I feel like I don't have enough time and everything is stacked against us. My partner has to work away 2/3 nights a week which tends to fall when it's the 'time'.
I feel myself getting really upset and find it difficult not to stress about.
Just looking for reassurance/guidance/conceiving tips just so I can try and feel more in control :(
Thanks

Hi @Brunette1989 just wanted to say you're not alone. I'm also 32 and miscarried at 11 weeks in April. We've been trying ever since and nothing. Like you I still get upset about it and convinced I will until I conceive again. We just have to trust it will happen. No conceiving tips from me. I've driven myself mad trying different things every month and they probably add to the stress rather than help tbh.
It will happen for us! Are you tracking this cycle?

@Lijay hi, thanks for your message I really appreciate it. It is really draining and I am struggling with trying to keep positive. Yeh I've got a couple of apps which track everything so kind of tell you when's good to go as such.
I've seen some ovulation kits just wondering whether they're worth it but then didn't want to get obsessed with it as think that will be even more stressful. Just don't know what to do for the best if you know what I mean. Xxx

I used the clear blue ovulation tests when we conceived earlier in the year and have just started using them again this month. It helps to know for sure when ovulation is. I had the second covid jab this month and turns out I ovulated a week later than usual so I probably would have missed it if I hadn't used them.
I'm currently 4DPO so back in the waiting game.
I've used preseed for the first time this month as well. Just helps me if I feel like I'm doing something different.
One of the hardest things was reading so many posts saying your more fertile after a loss. I don't think there's any evidence behind it. Xx

Hi, I lost my first pregnancy in dec 2019. It took a while for my body to properly recover - my cycles went a bit haywire and I remember that time well desperately wanting to be pregnant again and having a huge fear that the first pregnancy was just a fluke and it would never happen again. I also felt like I needed to do something to feel in control so saw a gynaecologist privately as I was that convinced something was 'wrong'. It turns out everything was just fine and my body needed a little more time to correct itself. I fell pregnant exactly a year after my first pregnancy in sept 2020 and the result of that is my now 10 week old daughter. I did track my cycles using opk's and I started acupuncture to help regulate my cycles. No idea if it was just a placebo effect but my cycle returned to normal and again it helped me feel in control and like I was doing something! Once my cycle regulated I fell pregnant the second month. I also did fertility yoga (again sounds a bit mad but it made me feel more in control and like I was going something to help).

Good luck - I was always reassured by consultants that it was a very good sign that I had been pregnant previously and that it would just be a matter of time. One consultant even said to me in the august that she was almost certain id be pregnant again by Christmas and she was right! I didn't believe her and it feels like torture at the time. For me it was the not knowing when it will happen which was the hardest part.

Hi both. I'm so sorry about your losses. I've had two miscarriages one at 12 weeks, one at 6 weeks and I was desperate to getting pregnant again. I was in the very fortunate position of already having a toddler by that point, but I'm in my late 30s so I was worried about my age and about the possibility of secondary recurrent miscarriage. However, the good news is that I did get pregnant again, and I'm now 40 weeks. The same will almost certainly happen for you. I know it feels like being over 30 is a fertility death sentence but statistics from recent research don't really back that up. If you haven't read it already you might find this article reassuring: www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/?single_page=true%20
The author, Jean Twenge, also wrote a very readable and useful book about how to get pregnant quickly which I'd recommend for advice about conception that has good medical evidence behind it. There's also some great information about the statistics both of fertility and also miscarriage on this website: expectingscience.com/2015/02/27/7-things-to-know-about-fertility-in-your-late-30s/
In terms of monitoring ovulation: you'll find loads of advice about that on this board, and some women do find ovulation test kits work well for them. In spite of having been pregnant now four times I never once got a positive on one of those things, so they clearly don't work for everyone! I found keeping an eye on my cervical mucus was the easiest, least stressful, and most effective way of working out which were my fertile days. (I'd done a bit of BBT tracking too so I was sure that my egg white CM days were definitely coinciding with the 3-4 days pre-ovulation).
It must be tough having your partner away for those 2-3 nights, OP. The only thing I can suggest there is that if you think you could be in your fertile window that you have sex the morning he leaves and the evening he gets home. That way you should still be in with a pretty good shot.
Good luck, both of you. It took me 8 months to conceive my first child, and, as I say, after two miscarriages I was pretty frantic, so I know how draining and upsetting the waiting game is. I hope you won't have to do it for too much longer.

Thank you both ☺️ really appreciate your comments. @RoseAndGeranium the articles are really interesting especially that women in their 30's or late 30's are more likely to conceive a few days before ovulation. I didn't know that!

Hi all,
Thanks for the comments and advice, it's nice to not feel alone.
My partners away tonight so going to be reading through those articles 😊
You try to keep positive it's just difficult when you feel you're doing everything you can and nothings happening.
If there are any other suggestions I will happily take them.
Thanks 😊

Hi @Brunette1989 I'm so sorry for your loss and just wanted to say I feel exactly like you do. I'm 36 and have been trying for a year. I had a chemical pregnancy in April and then got pregnant again in May but had a missed miscarriage in July. I found out at 11 weeks pregnant . It took 2 months to recover from the surgery due to complications and I also wanted to get both my covid vaccines in before trying again. We're now finally ready to start again but I'm petrified. I'm scared of it not working and I'm scared what will happen if it does. My head is all over the place! My husband is also working away quite a bit over the next month and that's massively stressing me out! x

Hi @CH2205 I'm sorry to hear of your losses and I know it just makes it that bit harder to feel ready to try.
The working away is really hard to deal with when you're actively trying for a baby isn't it. There's just so much more pressure, I try and not tell my partner when the time is so he doesn't get pressured but it's so difficult as there's nothing you can do. I then panic as it's like there's another month wasted and not worked, just a vicious cycle.
I keep trying to be positive but its just draining me now 😞 x

I feel you too- 32yrs old, trying since march 2020, a loss conceived in Sept 2020, died at 11 weeks. Nothing since. My cycles are also garbage!